Could I get some advice, please?

by vikesgirl101 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • vikesgirl101

    Sorry to make such a self-centered post (again), but you guys are the only ones who can help me. So here is a rundown:

    I am a 33 divorcee with two girls ages 13 and 8. I am not DF'd or DA'd; just shunned (also reproved). The bros were not happy when I fled from a dangerous marriage.

    Here goes. I have custody of my kids. My ex sees them one to two times a week. My lawyer said that I can raise the kids how I want. I chose freedom. My youngest is in the city's "Little Miss" pageant, and loves it. Her Dad said that she cannot do the 4th of July parade. That's BS. He hasn't been to a meeting in a year, or had anything to do with JWs. He makes up rules, and says I still have to obey them because he is"the man". He doesn't do anything for the kids financially. He owes me thousands of dollars in child support, and wrecked my credit. I loathe him for trying to make rules still apply. I just bought my daughter 6 new summer outfits, and he said she can't wear them. All summer shorts have to be four inches below her pocket line. She is 8, that would touch her knees! He is trying to use the religion as a weapon...again.

    The prob is I lined up sponsors for my daughter, and put alot of time, money and work into her pageant. Plus, she thoroughly enjoys it. It seems wrong that he can enforce this "No Parade" theory. Any thoughts?


    Do what you want..Let the legal system sort it out..Use the authorities to protect your family..................OUTLAW

  • JeffT

    First of all I don't think I've had a chance to say "Hi"

    I'm sorry your children's father is such a loser. Maybe he'll grow up some day. I'd have your lawyer tell him you aren't even going to discuss his role in the kid's lives until he man's up and starts taking care of them financially. Not saying he'd get to call the shots then, just that if won't even come up before that. He's way out of line. I'm sure any number of us here would be happy to help a judge understand the true nature of his religion.

  • yknot

    1. You have sole custody!

    2. Does your state have deadbeat dad laws- if so then thousands of dollars behind in child support should earn him some time in the pokey!

    3. BULLSHIT!

    4. Consider legally altering your child visitation agreement due to non-support

    5. Again as sole custodian you are the 'boss', he might not allow her to wear the outfits you have bought during his visitation but he will have to be the one to provide new clothing for her!. If he doesn't have visitation on the fourth then tell him to kiss your arse! If he does have visitation, blow his arse off for the 4th and celebrate it anyway you see fit with your girls...... I mean what is that rat bastard gonna do, whine to a judge who will probably fine (or jail) him for non-support!

    6. Set aside sometime for the two of you to talk...... and then lay down the law, no ifs or buts about it! Until he catches up on support payments you pretty much OWN his ARSE as far as anything goes with the girls!...... hell by the time he catches up on payment your youngest will be old enough to 'voice' her opinions to the judge regarding his territorial caveman behavior!

    7. Go ahead and tell him to piss off again just to make you feel better!

  • Confucious

    and says I still have to obey them because he is"the man". He doesn't do anything for the kids financially. He owes me thousands of dollars in child support, and wrecked my credit.

    Not sure... maybe someone can check for me?

    Isn't there a scripture somewhere that says something to the effect of... "He who doesn't care for what is his own is worst that a person without faith?"

    Not saying he doesn't care for his own...

    Just using this forum to ask a question...

  • yknot

    (1 Timothy 5:8) 8 Certainly if anyone does not provide for those who are his own, and especially for those who are members of his household, he has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith.


    (Colossians 3:21) 21 YOU fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Am I wrong but are you still submitting yourelf to the "scriptural" obligation to obey this man? That's over. It's all about the legal system and he's in over his head there. USE IT. W.Once

  • vikesgirl101

    Thank you guys so much!! I still get stuck in "JW thinking" and become a prisoner to it.

    I do love the thought of a deadbeat Dad running back to the judge to say that on a weekend that wasn't even his for visitation that I allowed the children to be normal for a change. Our lives are so much better. I also really thoroughly enjoy all of the support that yu guys give on this forum. Thank you!!

  • DJK

    First the 13 year old. She is old enough to tell her part time dad that she spends most of her time living with her mother, under her roof, she will dress and do things mom approves of. And, reluctantly sometimes, the things she requires.

    Now the 8 year old. "Yah, what she said!"

  • joannadandy

    I am only guessing you are in Minnesota based on your screen name, and I swear I read somewhere else that you mentioned you're from MN...but I could be wrong...however if you are in MN you are in luck - you definately live in a state that will be your ally on the dead beat dad front. They will garnish wages on your behalf, and yes as someone pointed out earlier you can go to jail for not paying child support. I know because our deadbeat friend was behind on his and was facing jail time. Magically he was able to scrape the money together to avoid jail time, and hasn't been behind since. It's effective.

    As some others have said, the law is on your side on this one - and it sounds to me more like bluster than anything else. If he was really concerned about abiding by the rules set-forth by the Watchtower society, he'd be going to meetings himself, and wanting his children there with him...instead he's complaining about shorts and a parade? He sounds misguided and like he is causing a fuss just to be having a fuss.

    Best of luck, and yes as full-time guardian you can choose what is appropriate and not appropriate for your children.

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