why do elders ask such personal questions when deciding whether to disfellowship

by looloo 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • sspo

    It is sick what they ask and done it different times on a judicial meeting.......the only thing i have to say

    not every elders asked those questions so he could go home and beat his meat.

    I blame the society and GB for training every elders and providing instructions in their elders book

    how to go about in handling loose conduct and pornea.

    "Follow the instructions given from "MOTHER" and you will never go wrong."

    Like fools we did

  • winstonchurchill

    In a world where x% of people don't think of oral as "sexual relations", some questions must be asked.

    However, while the manual says you have to ask questions to determine exactly what happened, it also warns against asking too intimate, unecessary questions (e.g. "Did you have an orgasm?").

    When presiding JC's I simply invite the person to briefly and not too explicitly describe what happened. That gives them the choice to pick up words they feel less uncomfortable with. Sometimes you have to fine-tune with questions, but simple questions. Asking if the girl was moist, if 'it' was too hard, did it hurt, did you enjoy... those questions are totally out of line. If there's a theme people have a vast library of euphemisms for is sex. So i don't see the point of asking too much. Last comitee I attended (like a year ago) we had an argument afterwards because I stopped on his tracks an elder that was asking too much.

    But to me it mainly boils dow to this: Curiosity and (sick) excitement. Don't forget that some find power 'aphrodisiac'

    OTWO Nailed it.

  • HintOfLime

    I'm sure some elders 'mean well'. But in my opinion it's just the society creating yet another situation that plays to the advantage of those in power at the expense of the innocent.

    Like the inherently flawed two-witness rule - the JC arrangement is inherently flawed in that it can quickly become a condoned sexual harassment session. The victim is often so nervous and guilt ridden they don't realize what is really happening.

    - Lime

  • aSphereisnotaCircle

    the JC arrangement is inherently flawed in that it can quickly become a condoned sexual harassment session. The victim is often so nervous and guilt ridden they don't realize what is really happening.

    This is true, however in my case I was sexually assaulted by my stepfather.

    And then i had to sit alone with three elders asking me about all the details.

    That JC was a sexual assault in itself.

    It took me decades to get over it, mainly because I kept trying to convince myself that what the elders did to me was OK.

    When my oldest daughter began approaching the age I was when those elders assaulted me is when I started to wake up.. When I pictured her in the position I was in, I became enraged with the elders. There is no way i would allow any man to talk to my daughter the way those elders spoke to me. Just the though of it makes me want to do damage to someone.

  • mindmelda

    Ah, yes, I remember Christ dealt that way with all the whores he talked to...he took them into a room with a few of the other apostles and asked them the intimate details of how they practiced their trade, and whether they got aroused, how often they went down on clients and oh, how much they charged. And yeah, I think the first century elders did that to that man who slept with his father's wife too. They asked him all the kinky details. "Hey, what's it like to sleep with your step mom? Boy that's sick, you're a kinky little devil aren't you?"

    After all, he and the apostles and elders had the authority to do so and people who are such terrible sinners deserve to be dehumanized and emotionally raped.

    Now, where IS that scripture???

    Well, I can't seem to find it. But, if the Witnesses, who base all their behavior on first century Christianity do it, it must be in there. Hey, wait, they just forgave that one guy with the hot stepmother and comforted him because he quit doing it. That can't be right?!! WHUT?


  • cameo-d

    You people do realize that this is not normal, don't you?

    My own parents never asked me anything like that in my life. No doctor has ever asked such physical questions, either.

    This shit they are asking you is creepy, pornographic, and is designed to humiliate. It is NOT normal to have anyone ask you such intimate details of your private life. These things are nobody's business.

    This is verbal molestation. Psych rape.

    Nobody has a need to know these things and no one EVER has the RIGHT to coerce you to answer such things.

    Stand up for your self and maintain your dignity.

  • Mary

    I think for some elders it's truely so they can go jerk off afterwards, and no I'm not joking. I remember Gumby telling me when he was an elder that another elder who had questioned a very attractive 19 year old on her 'fornication' activities, "got a boner" as she was forced to describe exactly what happened.

  • GoddessRachel

    I had the exact same experience when I was 19 and facing a JC. I viewed those men as my uncles and grandfather. It was mortifying the questions they asked. I was so naive I never saw it coming. The best way I can describe it is I felt mentally molested by them.

    I was told later it was because my ex-fiance and I had never had vaginal intercourse so they needed to determine if it really was a disfellowshipping offense. Personally I think they could have determined that by the length of time we were doing it and keeping it a secret. I don't think they needed to ask if we brought each other to orgasm, how many times, what position I performed oral sex in, or if he used his fingers inside of me the same time he had his tongue on me. I seriously just don't think any of that was important at all.

    It was the beginning of the end for me!

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