Newbie alert !!! Just wanted to say hello...

by sadiejive 43 Replies latest jw friends

  • LB
    LB

    Sadie just remember one thing. You CAN'T quit if you change your mind later. The elder I studied with told me that quitting, if I so wanted was no big deal. He was the secretary of the hall and said he has removed people from the list many times if they ask, no big deal.

    But if you quit, you have Disassociated yourself and you get treated the same as if you are disfellowshipped. In other words your best friends will walk right past you as if you aren't there. Shunning is very common in every hall.

    Of course they are nice to you. They want you to be batized. If they are rude you will leave right away. I found that they were the best people in the world, until you got baptized. Then the gossip starts in, people won't stop talking about you. Most religious groups are very judgemental and the witnesses are no exception. My wife and I were very very surprised how cruel hearted this sweet people can be. We've quit but not disassociated ourselves. We just faded away. People who 2 years ago said they were our best friends stopped visiting us, stopped taking our calls. It's like we've never existed.

    Be very careful sadie, this was the worst mistake of my life.


    Never Squat With Yer Spurs On

  • Princess
    Princess

    Hi Sadie, and welcome.

    I agree with all the above comments. I left after being raised a witness, at the age of 27. My first child had just been born, he is now 5 and my daughter is 3. My three year old told me today that Christmas is the "bestest time of the year". I'm sad your children will miss out. Leaving was the best thing we ever did for ourselves, and most importantly, our children.

    My cousin was raised as a witness and married a jw 26 years ago. They have four children who are now grown (youngest is 17) and she just left her husband and the JWs. She put 26 years into a miserable marriage to a verbally abusive alchoholic and finally had enough. She realized several years ago that it wasn't really "the truth" but was trapped by her husband. When she moved out her kids came by to tell her they were no longer going to speak to her, or have anything to do with her. Her daughters said they would not invite her to their weddings. She isn't disfellowshipped or disassociated but her family has totally cut her off because she left the organization.

    Give this a lot of thought Sadie. It could happen to anyone. Once you are in, you are stuck.

    Princess

  • ISP
    ISP

    Hey sadie!

    We are kinda crossing you! I was baptised in the 80s and this will be our FIRST Christmas and you are not celebrating for your first time!
    Take it easy. The JW life is restrictive and often for no good reason.

    See you 'round!

    ISP

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Hello and welcome.

    Whatever you do, don't get baptised. Sure, study the religion and research as much as you can. But be aware that even those studying with you don't know the full history of their own faith. How many of them know about Beth Serim and the prophecies regarding 1925? How many know what the WTS really said about 1975?

    As for Christmas, if you still have your doubts about not celebrating it, can you compromise on some things? Still give the kids some pressies next Tuesday so they don't feel left out? Have a "family party" without mentioning Christmas or Santa? If your husband is already on the TMS then I guess he is more serious about the JWs than you are, but I hope he will be reasonable for the kids' sake.

    When you are researching on the net about JWs, take note of the personal experiences. See how being a JW has affected so many lives. Prepare yourself that if you did get baptised, it would be near impossible to leave with your new friendships intact.

    BTW, I was raised as a JW from birth. I left a few years ago because I could see they weren't really following Jesus's commands. They (the GB and the elders) were acting more like the Pharisees. Leaving the JWs has caused some strain in my family, and I have lost just about all my JW friends. I never had non-JW friends because it was forbidden. So you can see what a big change in my life it was to leave. I hope you and your family never have to go through that.

    But on a brighter note, I'm glad you found this site, and keep researching!

  • JBean
    JBean

    Hi Sadie... welcome! I want to just corroborate (sp?) what the others here have said. Of course the majority of JW's are nice people... they're people just like us with hopes, dreams, loves, etc. HOWEVER... the organization they (we) belong to is not like that. It is extremely controlling. PLEASE do not accept that if you get baptized you can at some point change your mind... or simpler yet, even question what you are learning or what they tell you. I've been a JW since birth and must tell you in all sincerity that you CANNOT leave without being shunned. There are so many rules and regulations (some congregations being more strict than others, of course) that it is hard to live your own life. Know this for a fact before you make any further progress. I got baptized at 17 years old because everyone else in my congregation that was about my age was doing it. I didn't feel like I had any other choice... but you do!!!! I cannot have an honest, open relationship with my JW parents, family or friends... because my life would absolutely fall apart if they knew I disagreed with most of how I was brought up. My suggestion would be to have a SERIOUS talk with your husband... and ask the people you are studying with the HARD questions. And don't accept their "pat" answers... and most of all do not accept their answer of "... well I'm not too sure, but let's wait on Jehovah..." They seem to think this covers most everything. Please use your God-given reasoning abilities and go slow! Much love and peace to you... Jbean

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    Hi Sadie, I am Marilyn, Princess' mom. My parents became witnesses when I was 4, and my husband and I raised all of our children as JW's. In 1995, we started to phase out and are not disfellowshipped, but nearly all of our lifelong friends will not speak to us anyway, and even some of our family too. Our children are all out, thankfully. I am so embarrassed that I ever believed it, or was part of it. I wasted 45 years of my life there, and I don't want anyone else to do that to their family.

    PLEASE hear what everyone is telling you, and listen to your heart, and your conscience. If it doesn't feel right, or if you have nagging doubts, don't do it!!

    As the old cliche goes: If in doubt, get out!!

    Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)

  • outnfree
    outnfree

    Hello, sadie!

    I, too, encourage you to scrutinize e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g before you sign over your life to the Watchtower Society.

    There are still many here who have no objection to being Jehovah's Witnesses. That is, they have faith in God our Creator and would like to live according to the two laws that Jesus said were the most important two: Love God with your whole heart, soul, mind and strength, and your fellow man as yourself.

    These are noble goals, and the clean, righteous lifestyle that the Society promotes is what attracts many to the organization. Sad to say, the actuality does not fit the pretty picture painted. And it takes most people a lot of time inside before they see how tarnished that image truly is. And as the others here have mentioned, by then one has cut off ties with 'worldly' friends and relatives, so that you have nobody but the JW 'friends' left who will cut you dead if you leave. Quite a deterrent to leaving, but then you feel sick at heart staying with something you no longer believe.

    Tread carefully. Discourage your husband tactfully. Pray earnestly that you both see the mind-control group for what it is. You CAN find other, actually JOYFUL, Christians who believe similarly without the pharisaical control mechanisms.

    Welcome to the Board!

    outnfree

    When the truth is found to be lies
    and all the joy within you dies ...
    -- Darby Slick, Somebody to Love

  • WildHorses
    WildHorses

    Hi sadie, with your permission I would like to have someone contact you. Her husband became a jw but she saw threw all the hog wash. The reason I wish the two of you to talk is so you will know what you have to look forward to if your husband joins and you don't. Not that I wish you to join also,(I wouldn't wish that on anyone) I just want you to know what you may have to look forward to.

    Lilacs


    "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  • Angharad
    Angharad

    Hi Sadie

    Welcome to the board, please think very carefully about all the great advice you have been given so far.

    Your right, many JW's are nice people, and they genueinly (sp) believe what they are telling you. But a lot of them, themselves dont know the whole truth.

    As Waiting says, there are links at the bottom to many informative sites, which tell things about the witnesses that the person your studying with wont.

    Please stick around, I'm sure you will find it helpful

  • musicnonstop
    musicnonstop

    "#See my Sadie jive...#" (one for UK posters of a certain vintage )

    Seriously, welcome, SJ

    "And the first commandment reads that human flesh and blood is sacred - until there is no more food..."
    - The Stranglers, 'Straighten Out'

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