What's Your Opinion: Is Legal Marriage Important?

by GoddessRachel 26 Replies latest social family

GoddessRachel

I just had one of those, well, I guess I would say, epiphanies, as to why I struggle so much with marriage.
I posted on another thread (the thread by St. Ann about her son getting married) that my mom is not coming to my wedding, which does not even exist yet. She informed me of this about a year ago, that she would not be attending my wedding but would probably throw me a party after we got married.
I am thrilled that my mom, who is a Jehovah's Witness, would be willing to throw me a party. I am very happy about that, so please don't get me wrong on that point. But what I have come to realize is how even in the face of logic and understanding, in other words even though I know the reasons why she feels she cannot attend my wedding, it still hurts like hell.
My mom planned my last wedding, every detail. I never went through with that one, thankfully (I was only 19, the JW boy was all wrong for me, and me for him). My mom loves doing weddings. And she is good at it. Until I left the JW's she was telling me what my wedding colors were going to be, and showing me table center pieces she had found that would be perfect, which she then stored in her basement. She did my sister's wedding, and my brother's.
So, having a wedding, and getting to plan it with my mom, has always been a given. Until.
Until I realized I couldn't be a part of such a gross religion. Until I realized the religion was literally killing me and made a really hard conscious decision to leave it.
And then it all changed. Now not only is Mom not going to help me plan my wedding, which is something that I was really looking forward to as her daughter (I love my mom so much!) but she will not even be able to attend it!
So why should I even bother getting married? At least for her, which is what I would be doing if I got married right now. Doing it to make my mom happy. Which is basically impossible anyway.
So, that's what I sort of concluded last night. Sorry to sort of vent here; it's just I know you all can understand how hard this stuff is.
Resignedly,
Rachel
Quirky1

No, if you truly love one another a piece of paper isn't gonna make a difference.
Finally-Free

The greatest benificiaries of marriage are the divorce lawyers. I thought I had it rough dishing out 15K for my separation and divorce. I recently learned from a coworker that she dished out over 40K for her divorce, and it's not over yet because of ongoing custody issues.
Then you can lose half of your "matrimonial home", as I did, even though it was inheirited from a parent and the spouse never put a cent into it. Had I sold the house instead of living in it, I'd still have the money free and clear.
If you marry, get a pre-nup, and never make a major purchase without your partner putting up half the money.
W
GoddessRachel

VoidEater, isn't legal marriage and civil marriage the same thing?
Thanks,
Rachel
GoddessRachel

Quirky, thanks for your thought, I basically agree.
Finally-Free, yikes, THANKS for your post, though I'm sorry for your pain and loss. Yours is yet another example of why I don't want to do this until it feels absolutely right to both of us!
I went back through the posts and have a few more thoughts:

Void Eater said: "No religion should be required to marry two people, no religion should be required for two people to marry. "
Well said, Void Eater! I couldn't agree more!
Spook said: "I think any government legislation surrounding marriage should encourage the raising of healthy children."
Spook, I agree wholeheartedly with this statement as well and thought it was worth reposting. You also said this:
"If I ever get married it will be to have children. Any promises I make will revolve around the children, not my wife. People change. I cannot control this, nor would I if I could."
Which I don't completely agree with. Though the welfare of children is always the most important thing, I think to have a successful marriage you must still put your spouse even ahead of the children, not to their harm, but to their benefit. An example would be when one parent is disciplining the children, appropriately not abusively, the other parent should support that and back it up. I might direct you to what YoursChelbie said, which is posted below in this post, as I'm about to agree with it! :-)
Spook, you also said this, I believe: "I think any legislation on the subject should be purely practical and that no religious notions should be enforced by law. I am for paying taxes to help raise children as good citizens. This can be fully incentivised without the need to promote religious morals.
I would like civil family licenses, not civil marriage licenses."
I think that all makes good sense.
Yours Chelbie said: "One thing is A MUST to maintain a long, happy marriage: Absolutely NOTHING can be more important to you than your Marriage: NOT a religion, or an ex-spouse, or a co-worker: Nothing.
Here's a good comparison: A legal marriage is a lot like a buying a house: If you take care of it, work to maintain it in good condition, it will be there for you in your old age. "
YES! YoursChelbie, you are absolutely right! Thank you for your post.
Thank you all for your thoughts,
GoddessRachel
GoddessRachel

Sorry about all the gobblygook - it came from Microsoft Word - I hate that! I don't know how to edit a post... anyone able to help me out?
Barbie Doll

I lived with my Husband for 15 years before we got married. We are Married 11 years now, and Happy.
if a medical emergency happened - in case my witness relatives tried forcing the " no-blood transfusion " pressure on the doctors. If you are married your mate makes that decision.
And it is a protection for property rights etc. So there are benefits, yes.
When you go to do your Taxes and Property Taxes. You need to be Married.
If one of you don't have health Insurance. By getting Married, you both have it.
when one of you retired, it is good to be Married.
If you have Children, what would say to the Children.
What is important to you and how you feel about Marriage.

What's Your Opinion: Is Legal Marriage Important?

GoddessRachel

Quirky1

Finally-Free

GoddessRachel

GoddessRachel

GoddessRachel

Barbie Doll

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