What's Your Opinion: Is Legal Marriage Important?

by GoddessRachel 26 Replies latest social family

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  GoddessRachel

  What wonderful responses, thank you, everyone!

  VoidEater, you nailed it. I don't want a religious marriage. I do want the protection afforded me by my legal spouse. I intend to marry at City Hall or by a Justice of the Peace at the beach, someday, when I do get married.

  Flipper, you bring up a point that has me quaking in my boots a bit (even though I'm actually in my bare feet), that makes me want to run to the court house with my man tomorrow (it's too late today, I think!): JW families making my medical decisions. YIKES. Not in my best interest.

  Lillith, thank you for your thoughtful and well-thought answer. I do consider our relationship a marriage in the important sense of the word, in the commitment we have for one another. The only thing missing in the moment is the paperwork!

  I am sure we will get married someday, and ultimately the reasons aren't that important, as long as it is important to us, we can do it. And yes, Flipper, I plan to treat him as my boyfriend - and I'm his girlfriend - until the end of time, or the end of one of us, whichever comes first. That's too important to let go!

  I mostly thought this was an interesting discussion to present to the ex-JW community, to see if people felt similarly as me about it, and if you think your opinion is colored by your JW history.

  Those questions sound like for an entirely different thread, but there you go. Anyone want to expand further on this? Thanks and I appreciate all comments on the topic of "marriage."
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  Spook

  WHY IS MARRIAGE IMPORTANT? DO YOU THINK MARRIAGE IS IMPORTANT? IF SO, WHY? IF NOT, WHY NOT?

  I think that it is scientifically objectively true that children who have parents of both sexes with a good relationship with each other (usually positive interchanges and good conflict resolution) are more likely to grow up to be happy and to be good citizens. I think any government legislation surrounding marriage should encourage the raising of healthy children.

  I don't think marriage is important. One's word and an asessment of character is the best you can do for long term planning. Divorce law only stacks artificial consequences on top of a pre-existing agreement.

  If I ever get married it will be to have children. Any promises I make will revolve around the children, not my wife. People change. I cannot control this, nor would I if I could.

  Until 120 years ago thinking of marriage as a means of self-fullfillment would have been odd for most people. Marriage has traditionally been a practical matter, with family being the unit of business and production. I think any legislation on the subject should be purely practical and that no religious notions should be enforced by law. I am for paying taxes to help raise children as good citizens. This can be fully incentivised without the need to promote religious morals.

  I would like civil family licenses, not civil marriage licenses.
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  YoursChelbie

  Marriage when it is done for the right reasons can be very rewarding!

  One thing is A MUST to maintain a long, happy marriage: Absolutely NOTHING can be more important to you than your Marriage: NOT a religion, or an ex-spouse, or a co-worker: Nothing.

  Here's a good comparison: A legal marriage is a lot like a buying a house: If you take care of it, work to maintain it in good condition, it will be there for you in your old age.

  YC
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  BabaYaga

  Legal marriage is only important if it saves extra money on taxes or if it gets one of you onto a good medical insurance plan.

  Otherwise... the ritual itself can be very nice for a rite of passage... but even that doesn't have to be legal.

  All the best to you both, regardless!

  Love,
  Baba.
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  Lillith26

  Rachel- the legal reason was during my 2 years stint as an almost JW- so I could get baptised- LOL it was a silly reason to me then and it still is now- God doesnt care about papwork- men do! but the point about it being legally protective in cases like flipper stated, was my main reason for asking my man to sign on the dotted line (he's not/ never has been a JW- thank G_d!)
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  gabriella

  I can see both sides of the marriage debate- it helps children to feel secure that they have a real family and committed parents. However, how practical is it to promise a person that you will never love another for as long as you shall live? People change so much and loves grow and fade. When my husband first asked me, I told him that I loved him more than anyone, but that I could not make a promise that more than 50% of people do not keep because I respected him too much. He respected my honesty and our relationship grew even stronger. Eventually, I came to appreciate his high regard for marriage and he was the person that I trusted more than anyone that I had ever met. I knew that he would never intentionally hurt me or beak my heart, so we did get married and I have been happy with my best friend ever since. So, I guess what I am saying is that I only believe in marriage if both people are realistic about it, communicate openly, and really respect each other. Otherwise, I think that it is a legal institution that so many people hold in very little regard. I had to come to respect the institution and my husband before I could make that promise. Just my two cents.
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  Scott77

  GoddessRachel,

  Topic should be put dating and Relationship. I think it too late or you can go a head and do it. Well, people wants to get married to enjoy the feel of being loved and to have family as well as to fit into society mould. Some people do better by not getting married at all or get married but decide not to have kids. However, recently, the family is undergoing tranformation. Some couple prefer to adopt while others go for same sex marriage, a fact you have already pointed out. By the way, you have my PM. Please, check for it. It was sent about a week ago.

  AllTime Jeff, You have my PM too. Pleaese, let me know if you got it.

  Scott77
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  LouBelle

  Right now I'm of the mind that I would rather live with my partner than get married. Though I was taught marriage was important and that you couldn't have sex without being married the idea of it never took. We live in a time when peoples' affection change and I would not want someone to be "tied" to me because divorce was too expensive or because a piece of paper.

  I do however see certain legal aspects of marriage being important.
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  carla

  Mr Flipper-I still treat my wife like she's my girlfriend !- ha! give yourself a big attaboy pat on the back for that!
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  GoddessRachel

  Gabriella, your post is pretty much how I feel about it. I respect myself and my partner too much to get married ... yet. But someday, that is our plan. We have talked about where we want our relationship to go, and the tentative timeline for that. We have talked about one day getting married from the very beginning and then yearly since then. If we stay on the track we are currently on, I think we will be ready for marriage in a few years. Of course, I recently read a quote that said "If you want to make God laugh, tell her your plans," so of course I take that sort of thing - life and its unpredictability - into consideration. Though I do think marriage is important, and this discussion has given me a lot to think about in terms of why I feel that way, or whether or not it even matters why I think it is important, the bottom line is that I think marriage is too important to just assume you can get a divorce if it does not work out. Forever is a long time, and I only intend to make that promise to one man. When I am ready.

  As far as marriage itself goes, I believe all humans deserve equal rights. If we are not willing to pass laws allowing same sex marriages, then we must completely redefine marriage until the laws can give equal rights to everyone. That is how I feel about it.

  LouBelle, I am with you as well. I feel a bit like it is not that important, that the commitment is there, the trust is there, and the official marriage will follow when the time is right. I really do not want anyone to ever be with me because of a piece of paper. I am afraid at this time in my life I would be the kind of wife who stops putting forth an effort; that is a fear I have. So I would have to be convinced that I would continue to do all the nice things I do as his girlfriend, and be his girlfriend forever, even when I am his wife.

  Scott77, I realized that at about post # 3, that this is in the wrong section. Sorry about that. I am not sure if I am able to move the topic myself or not? I may have to check that out. I will check my PMs but you may be thinking of someone else as I have just started posting again after a very long sabbatical.

  Lillith, that is funny, you got married to your partner who you already lived with and already felt was your husband simply so you could join the JWs? How ironic is life sometimes, huh?

  I am sorry, I am tired and know I did not respond to everyone yet. But I will come back tomorrow. Good night, yall. (For some reason my apostrophe doesnt work - because Im tired probably - yeesh. I have been taking the contractions out of this whole post and now the tiredness has become too much - my apologies.)

  ~GoddessRachel