Living together - Living in sin?

Rosey

I was df'd for moving in with my then boyfriend (now husband). That was ten years ago.

My husband and I lived together for about 5 and a half years before we got married. From day one we both talked about getting married and having children in the future but we wanted it to be something more special than a quick juant to a registry office for appearances sake. We eventually got engaged on a stopover in New York on our way to Bermuda. Then we got married in Mexico with my husbands sister and bil and neice with us. It was all absolutely fantastic.

The point I am trying to make is that my husband and I are married because we decided we wanted to be. Before we were married we were in a loving relationship....and partnership with each other and the actual marriage certificate did not change that in any way.

Essentially I do not view living together as "sinful". I think what is important is the relationship and respect within that relationship.

Before meeting my husband I had never even kissed anyone, he is the only one I have ever kissed or anything :) and yet I was viewed as being immoral because we did not have a piece of paper for the first 5 and a half years.

It is easy to point and say that is how hypocritical jw's are but I find that non'jw's can be just as judgmental. When I was pregnant my wedding ring would not fit on my fingers and when I was at a few of my hospital checkups one of the young nurses was very brisk and evenly slightly rude to me. My husband got me a chain to wear them round my neck as a present and the next time I was at the hospital getting my b.p. checked I mentioned to this nurse about the swelling in my fingers and so my rings not fitting. I was shocked to see her visibly relax and actually say she thought I was unmarried and then suddenly be really pleasant to me.

How does everyone else feel about it. Do you feel it is "sinful"? Have you been judged by others? Have your opinions changed?

Rose x

WTWizard

There is nothing wrong with test-driving a car (which is supposed to last about 10 years) before committing to buying it.

There is nothing wrong with inspecting a house for suitability before moving in.

There is nothing wrong with inspecting an apartment that you intend to move into, perhaps at different times, to see if it really is suitable.

There is nothing wrong with trying a major item at a store, such as a mattress, before you buy it.

Then why is it so wrong to test-drive a marriage partner, which is supposed to last you a lifetime, before you commit for life?

mraimondi

if you don't want to obey the rules, don't be a part of it.

in a strictly Biblical stance, it's immoral to have SEX before marriage.

but to live together? I don't see why. of course, if you live together, you are automatically sexing, according to the BOE.

they are probably right ;) but not nessecarily. If you have conditions laid out, and goals, etc... you can avoid it.

Luo bou to

I don't believe your relationship was sinfull and I am a Christian. Marriage does not make a sexual relationship sinless. How many married women have endured sex with their husbands feeling cheap used and abused certainly not loved. Like spread your legs bitch I have the legal right

AllTimeJeff

I believe that the very concept of "sin" used by most religions is a control mechanism. I think "sin" is a very mentally unhealthy concept that causes mental illness in some people, due to extreme guilt about not being able to appease the invisible deity they believe in.

So it probably will come as no surprise to you that I think it totally proper to live together before marriage. It certainly isn't sinful, because sin doesn't exist. Men who desire to control the lives and thoughts of others do.

Rosey

mraimondi I agree that if you don't want to follow the rules of a club/ religion/ cult then you shouldn't be a part of it.

I question the immorality of living with someone though. I remember as a witness an article or discussion at a meeting about the various ways that people get married and it being said that it would depend where and when a person lived and what was accepted within that culture as being the appropriate way to get married. This is because there are so many different traditions throughout the world and have been many throughout history.

It is now widely accepted that many people live together before an official wedding ceremony and some do not decide to have an actual ceremony......that is one of the reasons that it has been legally accepted that there can be a common-law wife or husband.......

To become a common-law husband or wife requires that you live with another being in a relationship for a period of time.

So could living together with someone not be classed as a commitment to each other which is really what marriage is supposed to be about.

Just for arguments sake........

Rose x

palmtree67

I am living with someone right now and df'ed for it. But I'm telling you, it just FEELS right. Like this is where I'm supposed to be, this is who I'm supposed to be with. He would marry me today, but I am afraid. I don't know of what, really. I guess because of my first marriage. I don't really feel that it's wrong to be with him, though, since he always makes me feel good about myself, encourages me to be better than I think I can be on my own. And I think I do the same for him. It's much more of a partnership than my first marriage was. Ya, I'm not sure why I'm afraid to marry him.....

jws

I don't think there's anything wrong with living together. It shows comittment to each other. But, "living together" is just that, "living". Which I can't see any fault with. What we're really talking about is living together and having sex. Let's face it, many if not most couples who aren't as committed are having sex anyway.

I personally don't see anything immoral about it. I'm not exactly sure what I'd even call immoral among two consenting adults, but being reckless with sexual partners comes to mind. And living together means you're probably loyal to each other, not recklessly sleeping with anyone/everyone.

I think all couples planning to marry should live together first. I don't think you really get to know somebody until you live with them. It's WAY different from a date where they're all dressed up and behaving. It's hard to keep that appearance up when you're with each other most of each day. You get to see the real person and get to see how compatible you'll be. I just don't understand the stats the JWs used to dig up about couples who lived together having less success in marriage. To me, it would seem to prevent more unhappy marriages.

I've lived with 2 girls in my life. The first one was horrible. Living with her really opened my eyes to the real her. She had some issues. If I had married her, I would have been either miserable, suicidal, or divorced by this point. The second girl I lived with became my wife. We dated for a couple of years, then she moved in for another year or two, then we got married. We've been married for nearly 10 years and plan on being married the rest of our lives.

Having only my own experience to draw on, living together in a committed relationship IS NOT the same as being married though. Maybe in our case, marriage was always the goal, so living together was somehow incomplete. There's also the terminology. Despite living together, she was still my "girlfriend" when I introduced her to people. My "wife" brought a whole new meaning for others and conveyed that commitment to others in a way that the term "girlfriend" did not. It's mentally different being married. At least for me it was.

Spook

I don't think you should live together AFTER marriage! Just kidding.

Even as a JW I never understood "official" marriage. I usually used the desert island illustration. Let's say two virgin christians were on an island. If they wanted to commit to each other, why would this be any less meaningful to God, were he to exist, than if they had witnesses. Certainly, God would need no witnesses.

It seems to me that marriage serves the interest of religions, not of gods.

But I think sin is a ludicrous notion, even if a god were to exist.

And on top of that, I don't think I'm cut out for marriage.

llbh

To become a common-law husband or wife requires that you live with another being in a relationship for a period of time.

Hi Rosey. Whilst I agree with much of what you say, this is not the case in the UK. It is widely thought that there is common law marriage, this is in fact not the case. It has widely been discussed in Parliament, but sadly ( i think) it has not been recognised in law, in the UK. Therefore if you contemplating living together, the legal issues need to though out too.

And i do now it is different for other jurisdictions, from what i understand Canada has very practical laws in this regard.

David

Living together - Living in sin?

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