New member - My story

allelsefails

I've been reading for a little while, but really "studying" for a couple of years. Figure I could share my story and listen to what you guys have to say.

I was "born" into JWs in 1976. My mother was baptized in 1975.. ouch. She is a wonderful, loving woman ..... but didn't finish High school and has been mistreated by her mother and father as well as my own (worldly) father making her really naive and open to manipulation. Growing up with a worldly father made life interesting. I always had 2 lives in front of me.......but I digress. I was always taught the end was any day now. I had no need of education or anything "worldly". When I was 13 my older brother who was 20yrs old was killed in a car crash. (He refused a blood transfusion, but that is another story.) My life fell apart, but it was all about seeing him in the new system. My mom divorced my dad and married another worldly man. She was disfellowshipped for having 2 husbands. (Another long story - full of BS). I lived on the edge as a teenager, but knew this was the "truth". At 20 I married a 33 year old woman with 3 children. It sounds crazy, but I'm crazy about her still. She's my best friend and confidant with her own weird ideas. (Another long story) I was MS after marriage and then an elder 4 years later. I served as an elder for 6 years secretary and then school overseer.

I had some personal issues with an elder who hit on my wife and offered to run away with her when she left me. This same elder had written pornographic e-mails to a married sister a year before and not been removed (dispite my fervent recommendations). This didn't really affect my spirituaility.

I finally started studying the "bible". When I did I realized first the lie about 607 BCE then 1914 then 1919 selection of FDS, 144,000, great crowd, etc..... Now I don't believe any religion has absolute truth, and I'm offended by the "faithful slave" concept. I'm not sure I even believe in the New Tesatament at all. But I do still believe in God as revealed to Moses. Crazy right?

Now I'm trying to find a new job. Trying to save my marriage. and I'm awake at 4am. My life is a jumble of crazy emotions.

Thanks for reading this.

Allelsefails

dozy

Welcome. Wow - what a complicated life! Am I right in saying that you were made an elder at 24? Are you still an active JW?

allelsefails

Yes an "Older man" at 24. Funny now right? Inactive but still attending meetings until a few weeks ago. My wife told me I was a distraction to her. I was just going to support her anyway. Pretty lonely right now.....most of you know how it is straddling the fence. My nuts hurt. (sorry for the crude imagery)

MidwichCuckoo

Hello allelsefails - there's a few stories there then? Welcome.

allelsefails

A few stories ... yeah. My whole life all I've wanted is peace. Now I have my mother telling me I have to hold on to "Jehovah's Organization" so I can see my brother again. Think how disappointed he would be if I wasn't there. Guilt on top of fear on top of guilt. I'm tired. Thanks for the welcome hope to more when I wake up (literally - I think I'm awake figuratively already).

whatcanIsay

I finally started studying the "bible". When I did I realized first the lie about 607 BCE then 1914 then 1919 selection of FDS, 144,000, great crowd, etc..... Now I don't believe any religion has absolute truth, and I'm offended by the "faithful slave" concept. I'm not sure I even believe in the New Tesatament at all. But I do still believe in God as revealed to Moses. Crazy right

Welcome! You are on the right track! It is a shock to wake up and realize concepts you were taught were nothing more than a bunch of lies! It causes physical as well a mental anguish. I remember when I first started realizing false teaching of the WT, I was a passenger with another exJW and we both found out together about some doctrines that were not biblical. I was so shocked my throat became tight and I wanted to cry and I almost fainted. Some of the false doctrines were so funny yet shocking at the same time such as pyramidology. I thought the people online were liars until I started to read the books for myself and found out that they were kind considering how many lies they had told! It was so unreal and I was beside myself. Not too mention the older person I was with almost had a heart attack while driving the car. How could Jehovah organization have a sun disk on the front of the Finished Mystery Book! and declare God's name at the same time. I thought ,no wonder Rutherford was placed in prison perhaps it was God's way of punishing him. Everything was a lie! The 144,000 giving meat a due season; the books written prior to 1930. It is enough to make you want to scream at some of the insane concepts that are now still taught in the organization yet the members are unaware.

At times you probably feel displaced, WELCOME you are not alone! It is normal to question what you have been taught and angry when you realize that you have been lied to for YOUR entire life! Perhaps it is normal to feel that what you believe now is a little crazy! Nothing wrong with the God who was revealed to Moses at least it is biblical; compared to what you used to believe as a JW that Jesus Christ was enthroned in1914, and the Gentile times has ended which is cult! Not to mention that in 1919 the JW were taken into captivity which you will read in most of their new books! Just another of many lies!

At least you have this group!

You are own you way to recovery so hang in there!

chicken little

Welcome! If you can afford therapy I would say skrimp and save and have a few sessions..............it helps so much...find one that deals with high control groups. Use time on yourself...you are no good to anyone if you dont find yourself first. Your wife has to find her own way......you may love her and she may love you but you cannot "save " her.

I too was born in....my parents had little education and were emotionally primed (mum) to become witnesses. When we realize that few of us had any choice whatsoever in choosing our religion we are often shocked. It takes time to deal with all the turmoil. I wish you the best and think you are very brave. There has happened a great deal in your life and the inner conflict can pull you apart. Anyemotional blackmail to stay in "the truth" should be seen for what it is........blackmail.

Much love and best wishes

Chicken little

creativhoney

hey there. Im so sorry. I know what you mean about all religion having no absolute truth thats how I feel.

and I was a 33 year old having a relationship with a 21 year old for a while and it made me think all men were idiots especially the younger ones, but I guess its not about age its about selfishness. - some people are some people arent.- anyway I digress

I hope you find what you are looking for.

Witness 007

Hi Mate...interesting life, nice to hear from you...I'm in Australia, just went thru a huge ordeal with my wife...and got back together and we are settled now, so if you need to talk drop me a line. Life's a beach, but we all have to keep on fighting!.......BEING AN EX-WITNESS does not help!

MidwichCuckoo

My whole life all I've wanted is peace. Now I have my mother telling me I have to hold on to "Jehovah's Organization" so I can see my brother again. Think how disappointed he would be if I wasn't there.

I bet there's not many here who haven't had THAT one pulled (I know I have)! It doesn't seem to matter what you want or believe - our families would rather we ''pretend'' just to make THEM happy (and not put them in a position where they may have to shun) at end of the day. Just fear.

New member - My story

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