I was informed recently that a former hardcore, dyed-in-the-wool elder (Let’s call him Elder A) has been in and out of a mental ward recently. It came as a surprise at first, but upon further reflection, it really isn’t that surprising. Let me give you some background.
My childhood up through elementary school was played out in the 80s. Middle school and high school years were lived in the 90s. Elder A was the one who originally brought “the truth” to my parents. I was a toddler at the time. He was about as hardcore as they came, even back then. He had three young kids who were more or less the same age as me, but they did not own a television set. He feared that it would let Satan into his house and that it would take away time from service. His kids were socially awkward and were generally mocked at school because of their overly-conservative style of dress.
Nevertheless, Elder A was convinced that Armageddon was right around the corner. He fit the mold of what I remember was the prototypical 80s elder (at least from my limited experience as a child growing up in the 80s). He was smart, knew the Bible inside and out, and could recite Freddie Franz’s drivel about types, antitypes, and prophetic years with the best of them. His understanding of the Bible through the Watchtower’s publications had him convinced that Armageddon was already overdue and would probably come by the end of the 1980s. He felt the Cold War was proof of his beliefs.
As we all know, nothing happened. The year 1995 came around and the Watchtower completely overhauled the “generation” teaching. This failed to catch the attention of most modern-type JWs (lazy and apathetic to doctrine), but for the old-school types like Elder A, it was a shock to their system, and one which they could not talk about openly with others for fear of making them “stumble” or appearing “spiritually weak.”
Honestly, I didn’t see much of a change in Elder A at the time (he was in a neighboring congregation), but in the early part of this decade (2002 or so) he changed congregations and officially moved back to the congregation I was attending at the time. Everyone assumed he would soon be reappointed elder at our hall, but this never happened. He was never officially removed at his old hall, but he was never reappointed at our own hall. By this time, it seemed that Elder A was a completely different person. He was still aloof and socially awkward, but he missed meetings, was irregular in field service, and did not show much of an interest in getting involved in congregation matters.
I moved away and became inactive not too long after Elder A moved to our hall, but I still get periodic updates from my family members who are still very much “in.” In talking to my brother, he informed me that Elder A was having some major psychological issues and had spent some time in and out of a psych ward.
Now, I know that it’s all too common for us former-dubs to project our feelings and beliefs onto current dubs, but here’s how I think this situation might have very well played out. Elder A gave his entire life to the JW cause. He bought into and joined an organization that taught Armageddon would come within a few years. He cut off all association with his family (even his own mother) because they refused to convert. He raised his kids to be ridiculed at school and eventually one of his daughters rebelled and led a pretty hopeless life for a while. What was his reward for all this? Nothing. For all of his sacrifices he got an article in the Watchtower that drove a stake through his hopes and aspirations and had the privilege of seeing an apathetic and unquestioning congregation sit by and take it all in stride. He then got to see the Watchtower recently make a complete joke out the generation doctrine, which was once the anchor of his faith, with the newest rehashed “generation=anointed” stinker of a doctrine.
What’s more, the current crop of elders is a joke. The bodies of elders are now composed of a bunch of yes-men who are generally of below-average intelligence, lazy, and don’t give two-shits about doctrine. It’s all “wait on Jehovah” from them. This is in stark contrast to the type of hardcore elders who dominated back in the 80s.
I think it’s quite likely that the cognitive dissonance was just too much for him to bear. At some point, Elder A probably realized that he had throw away the best years of his life chasing after a pipedream, and his kids suffered as a result. He cut off all ties with his family and now looked ridiculous because of it, and the organization he served did not give a crap about him. " Too bad. It’s your fault for getting ahead of the organization. The Society never gave a date for Armageddon. It’s your bad for reading more into the publications than was there." And so on.
The realization that you threw away years of your life in pursuit of false beliefs is extremely difficult to bear. I know this from personal experience. I fully awoke from the JW grip when I was in my mid 20s, and it was almost too much for me. I came dangerously close to a mental breakdown. I lost 15 pounds in little over a month. I became borderline suicidal. I never got to the point of putting a gun in my mouth, but I mentally planned out how I would carry out my suicide and what I needed to do to get my affairs in order beforehand. Shotgun blasts were heard outside my house and I was genuinely upset that a stray bullet had not taken my life. I wished I would be in a an accident and die. It was genuinely the low point of my life. After about a year or two of languishing in depression, I came to terms with leaving the JWs, and I’m now a pretty healthy human being, but getting over the hump was hell.
It’s completely reasonable to believe that Elder A is going through a similar experience. Maybe he hasn’t come to terms with being deceived yet, but it’s quite possible that he’s discovered that his original plans have gone up in smoke. He’s going to grow old and die in this system of things, a contingency which he never prepared for. Perhaps he just suffers from mental illness and would have had a mental breakdown regardless of whether or not he ever became a JW, but judging from my own experience, something tells me that his psychological problems, like those of so many other JWs, are related to the disappointment and constant blows to the self-esteem that are unfortunately all too common in the JW world.