Deepest sympathies to all ex-JWs who've been hurt by the 'WORLD'

by ziddina 38 Replies latest jw experiences

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  ziddina

  This topic is in sympathy for all Jehovah's Witnesses visiting this site who have had bad experiences after they left the JWs and went out into the world. I've heard many ex-Jehovah's Witnesses saying, "Well, I went into the world and found nothing but trouble!! People were mean to me! They took advantage of me! They lied to me! They betrayed me! I met/married a worldly man/woman and they cheated on me!!" - and so on...

  It pains me to state this so bluntly, but, of course these things happened to you...

  The reason you failed when you went out into 'the world' is because you were supposed to fail - you were deliberately set up to fail - in order for the WTBTS to maintain its hold on you. Their covert installation of a handicap (so to speak) in your mind and personality caused a self-fulfilling prophecy to take place - they said you were going to fail, and they made sure that you did fail!!!

  Most of you were taught, frequently from birth or infancy, by parents who were controlled by an organization that told you it had your "best interests at heart", which then LIED to you!!! Not only did the WTBTS LIE to you but they lied to you by implication...!!

  Which meant that when you tried to pin them down on the LIES - "But, but, you said 'Armageddon' was going to come in 1975!!!" - "Oh, no, you ran ahead of the organization!" - they could LIE to you about having LIED to you!!! This, of course, imprinted the behaviour pattern in your mind of believing in and trusting those who lie to you! Talk about crazy-making!

  The WTBTS (as has been stated many, many times here) says one thing - does another!! It tells you that the world is a dangerous place, then forbids you to get a college education, leaving you vulnerable to financial destitution. Then it uses those who have gotten college educations to reach its goals!! It tells you (in fact, flatters you!) that you are 'special' because you listen to the Faithful and Discreet Slave, then forbids you to read ANYTHING critical, preventing you from developing a well-informed, discerning mind (and yes, I'm using JW buzzwords deliberately!)! It tells you that they have your 'best interests' at heart, then the WTBTS flip-flops on life-or-death medical procedures!! Talk about being SET UP FOR FAILURE!!!

  This is unfortunately too typical of WTBTS tactics - demonize all other sources of information, convince the rank&file Jehovah's Witness that only the Watchtower Society is the real and true source of God's Word (which is pretty damn presumptuous of them!), and then set you up to fail if you ever have the audacity - or courage - to attempt to leave....

  So what would have happened when you went 'into the world'?? What kinds of people would you have been attracted to or drawn to - what kinds of people would you have TRUSTED??? Yes!! That's right! The ones who would repeat that behavior pattern you'd learned to trust as a Jehovah's Witness - ones who would LIE to you!!! Do you still wonder why you met with disastrous results when you left the organization to make your way in the world?

  When young children are exposed to certain behavior patterns, especially in a closedsystem, they grow up not only believing those tenets on a conscious level, but also seek to recreate the same environment at a pre-conscious and sub-conscious level!!! I think it's called 'imprinting' - same as a gaggle of baby geese or ducks imprinting on their mother.

  Normallyimprinting is a survival mechanism - that is, if one has a 'normal' system in place - free exchange of information with the outside world, and parents or parent figures that truly have your best interests at heart. But in the closed system of a cult.....?? Their only goal is to control you by 'demonizing' ALL opposing viewpoints!!

  Can you imagine a mother bear or mother cheetah teaching her cubs to avoid, shun, and ignore the world around them??? They wouldn't last very long, would they???? Look at the natural world - when animal parents have offspring, they teach them what a predator looks like, and how to avoid/escape from it... Obviously the WTBTS didn't teach you this, because they were the predator who WANTED you to fail when you went into the world!!! That way, they could continue to control you - to be the absolute authority in your life, even over-ruling your own innate survival instinct!

  Hope this little speech helps someone?? Zid
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  SPAZnik

  Repeat: self-fullfilled prophecy.
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  Lady Lee

  I really wasn't sure where you were goping with this.

  I agree that many do fall into the trap of the self-fulfilling prophesy. Not only that there is the dysfunctional system they were in and the unconscious need to "make it right" and wind up in relationship that mirror the dysfunctional system they were in.

  I fell into it too.

  But I have to say this. I was hurt far more and to a greater extent by the very people I was supposed to trust above all others, my mother, my husband, the elders and my JW friends.

  What others did was a scratch compared to the huge gashes in my soul JWs did to me
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  watson

  Interesting angle, Ziddina.
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  steve2

  Please don't patronise hurt people. They need fewer excuses to lick their wounds, not more reinforcement to keep licking them. Ex-Jws are only as fragile as they tell themselves they are. It is a shame that JWs as well as (some) ex-JWs see the "world" as a single bad entity out to mislead and hurt them. Open your eyes and see how much you are stereotyping and judging all that comprises the world.

  In some ways, ex-JWs need to learn how to become adults, capable of taking responsibility for their decisions and learning from theirs and others mistakes.

  The best advice anyone ever gave me was, "Grow up". I hated hearing it at the time, but there is so much that is helpful about acquiring the skills and knowledge to become more adult and less of a child.

  The world is full of hurt and wounded people: ex-JWs comprise a very tiny group compared say to the population of India. It can be beneficial to look out your window and not see just a global "bad" world out there, but others who may benefit from what you can offer. JWs engender an attitude of "Be careful out there" when better advice would be, "Open your eyes to see beyond stereotypes and begin to participate in your life instead of running for cover".
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  ziddina

  Lady Lee said: "But I have to say this. I was hurt far more and to a greater extent by the very people I was supposed to trust above all others, my mother..."

  Hear, hear! My parents were both immature monsters before they ever joined the JWs - looking at them, I was veeerry suspicious of the 'types' of people attracted to the JWs - while I was still in the cult!

  steve2 said: "The best advice anyone ever gave me was, "Grow up". I hated hearing it at the time..."

  Funny you should mention that, steve2. That is one characteristic - that is, 'infantalizing' the converts - that is frequently mentioned as a strong indicator of a cult. The more dependent or co-dependent they can keep the members on the organization - render them like infants... The WTBTS has so many references in its literature about "being like young children" - uuuugh! Don't understand exactly what you meant when you said my comments were 'patronizing'... I'm still struggling to see the psychological ways in which the WTBTS set me up to fail in certain areas of my life...

  Thx, SPAZnik and watson!

  Thx for commenting, all! Zid
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  ziddina

  Being told that someone deliberately 'tripped' me to keep me from becoming successful makes me angry and determined to succeed in spite of the roadblocks in my way.

  Being told that someone else set me up for failure tells me that it's not something intrinsically wrong with me - that I'm not undeserving, worthless, too stupid, not blessed by god, etc...

  To my mindset, this realization opens doors for me... Zid
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  reniaa

  ziddina this site tells ex-Jws that all their problems are caused by being an ex-witnesses and in fact your whole post reeks of this, What you find is that people both in and out of the witnesses are exactly the same the differences is the witnesses try and live by a bible moral standard and give worship to the true God because of sins law we fail in the first but we can keep from doing the real self-punishing actions if we listen to God although that still doesn't stop pthers doing things to us.

  I know three girls, one bought up in a Jw family (not me btw) and one in a 'worldly' family for want of a better word. another one not religious at all.

  the first woman was never interested in being a witness she ignored the friends who asked her to drink and do drugs, got married had a child but is now divorced and losing her house because the bitter ex won't pay the morgage long enough to sell it!

  the second girl easily led did the drugs got raped while drugged up, became an alcoholic and had three kids that run arounnd not looked after much with social workers now trying to help her with the children.

  third girl has had a fairly normal life, left school early got pregnant in a youthful relationship, had two kids to two different fathers but never married, neither father stayed around to even see their offspring. shes happy and now the girls are older shes trying to goto college and get some education she missed from leaving school early due to pregnancy!

  what do these stories prove? nothing just that people are people and we do what we do to ourselves but it's easier to blame others particularily a religion. The bible gives us standards to live by whether we do or not is upto us.
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  carla

  "witnesses try and live by a bible moral standard and give worship to the true God"- most assinine statement I have heard all day. jw's do not live by bible standards they live by wt standards, they do not worship God they worship an organization and the men who run it. Most people I know who have to live with or be related to a jw would jump for joy if the jw actually did want to worship God or even look into the bible but that is not what being a jw is all about. They will never have any 'truth' until they have free inquiry.
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  moomanchu

  renaii,

  The people you know are bad associations !!!!!!!

  They will spoil your useful habits !!!!!!

  this site tells ex-Jws that all their problems are caused by being an ex-witnesses

  ???????????

  If anything this site tells you all your problems are caused by once being a witness. (which I disagree with)

  Not by being an ex-witness.

  Ziddina,

  I once left the District Convention early, on the way home I had a fender bender.

  Ohhhhhh why didn't I stay for the afternoon session, surely Jehovah was punishing. LOL