Oh Apoc. I hope you return. I hope that your making out ok, and that your not in dire straits. Do you let everything build up in your mind, and then return here when you don't know what else to do? Jehovah does not think any less of you, and
one day Apoc, you ARE going to be stronger. If you could only stand back and look at yourself. Let some people, who really DO care about your feelings and know how you feel, firsthand, comfort you just a little bit, even though you feel like you
don't deserve it. I know where you are in all of this. Your IN it. I'm not talking about the truth. I'm referring to your current state of crisis. Does the guilt overwhelm you? It's IS overwhelming...it's not just you. All your family, and friends would look
down on you, if they knew you ever even THOUGHT about coming here, let alone actually doing it. You KNOW how they would feel, and you take ALL those feelings, and place them on yourself...I know you do. I don't know you personally, but I
know those feelings.
There are many here, that hate the Organization, and all that it stands for...that's just them though and it doesnt have to be you. You have your doubts, and that, at the heart of it, is why your here. What your feeling is fear. Take one step, please, and read this. It is going to be your first step in
realizing in how it's working in you. I read it a number of years ago, and could not ignore it. MY WHOLE LIFE was based on fear, and that is what your feeling. It is going to subside one day. Are you holding it all in sometimes? Speaking to your family
with a guilty concious? KNOWING that if they REALLY knew how you felt, they wouldn't be there talking to you. Does it feel like a bad dream at that moment? Do you have 1 friend in your life that you can cry with Apoc? Do you cry alone when
your by yourself?
When i left Apoc, I made many mistakes. I never left so that I could enjoy all those things that we were told people left the Truth for. You HAVE reached the hardest pert of your life to date. It is so very important to realize some things now. When
you were in the truth, you could trust everyone. That doesnt apply anymore and I'm so very sorry to lift another veil, but you HAVE to know that. You only have one person that you can trust in wholeheartedly now, and that person is yourself.
Pray to Jehovah, cause he is still there. Stop asking him to take your life. You were given a mind to USE, not to suppress. He wants you to think, he wants you to be responsible for WHAT YOU DO FROM HERE ON IN. You have an example to set
for the rest of your family, and for the many others you love and care for. You have to be in control of yourself. Examine the Bible, and ASK yourself questions that you have never had the opportunity to think about before. Most Witnesses have
a black and white way of looking at things. I BET you know some that arent as cut and dry as others. Apoc, there really is nothing wrong with asking questions. Questions are what made you grow as a young child, and the reason you will
continue that growth after so many years of feeling "small". In your mind, everyone is better than you, because their in the truth, and you have doubts. Everyone knows where they are, and you can't find that place. I always thought it was just
me.
6 million + brothers and sisters could not stop you from coming here. NO ONE is going to tell you what to do now. Did it bother you that we could never read literature from other religions? Even as a young child that seemed odd to me. It's going
to go one of two ways for you Apoc. NO ONE is going to tell you what to do, and if you ever decide to go back, that is your choice. Right now for the first time in your life, it's going to be about YOU. Your gonna love it when you get to know
yourself even a little it better, you wait and see.
lurk3r
