We Don't Want to Know Why You're Leaving

by passwordprotected 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • passwordprotected
    passwordprotected

    Our exit from the Watch Tower Society was fairly speedy. Within about 3 months, we'd ceased attending meetings and lost all of our friends (apart from Hobo Ken and his wife).

    What was shocking - and only confirmed that we were right to leave - was how our decision was met by our so-called friends.

    We were leaving behind people whom we'd enjoyed friendship for over 20 years. We were leaving behind friends who were closer to us than our own families were. In Gail's case, she had two friends who were like sisters to her. They were all very, very close and had helped and supported one another through their teenage years, we'd celebrated engagements with them, been to their weddings, gone on holiday with them, celebrated the birth of their children with them etc etc.

    Yet, when we stopped attending meetings they didn't want anything to do with us. They didn't want to know our reasons for leaving, and we weren't going to give us the chance to tell them.

    Here's how I likened it;

    The scenario is you, as the JW family who are leaving 'the truth', are standing the safety rail of a very high bridge. You and your wife are clutching your children to you as you prepare to leap off. Behind you, standing on the safety of the bridge, are a crowd of onlookers. The onlookers are your friends. All of them are begging you not to jump. They know that if you jump, you'll meet a certain gruesome death, both you and your young children.

    "Please don't do this!" they cry out. "But we have very good reasons!" you reply.

    "Well....we don't want to know your reasons..."

    One by one they withdraw further into the safety of the bridge, leaving you and your family teetering on the edge of oblivion. Rather than listening to you, trying to help you, trying to understand your reasons for jumping, your reason for taking your 'spiritual life', they simply don't want to know. Before you even get the chance to hint at the reasons that have driven you to this point, they cut you off. "We know you want to jump," they say, "but we don't want to know your reasons."

    Imagine this happened in 'real life', that a man and woman were clutching their children and preparing to leap off a bridge. Imagine if gathered on the bridge were this family's loved ones and friends, all begging them to come back onto the safety on the bridge. And imagine the family exclaiming, "we have very good reasons for doing this!" and the loved ones not even being prepared to listen to them, knowing that their reasons would probably be painful to hear and difficult to deal with. So instead the loved ones prefer to stand back and watch the family - children and all - jump off the bridge.

  • KAYTEE
    KAYTEE

    password,

    My wife and jumped off the bridge 8 years ago, we landed O.K., the water was deep and we had a soft landing.

    The water was running fast, so we soon lost sight of the bridge and its onlookers.

    KT

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    In the immortal words of Motley Crue: Girl, don't go away mad. Girl, just go away!

  • anglise
    anglise

    Hi Password

    good analogy. Can relate to all you are saying.

    We left after about 18 years (came in as adults) in.

    For a second time we have had to start again with friends etc. NOT EASY.

    Like you we thought we had some true friends in the cong but no one speaks anymore.

    As far as we know we are not DF and have never DA'd ourselves.

    I wish you well in your journey

    Anglise

  • LUKEWARM
    LUKEWARM

    .

    Hi Password

    How sad that nobody asked any questions - especially close friends of 20 years!

    Did you get a chance to weave things about your reservations into your conversations with them before you left and if so what was their response? Do they agree with everything the WTS teaches?

    Have you tried SMS-ing them since?

    I am slowly chiselling away at my friends - it's frustrating as progress is so slow and they need to know so much which can only be given to them in small doses otherwise their brain shuts down...

    Lukewarm

    .

  • quietlyleaving
    quietlyleaving

    your example really catches the emotion of how family and friends find it in themselves to shun.

  • The-Borg
    The-Borg

    Just shows you that the so called love that jehovah's witnesses have for each other is a myth.

    The closesness that you and your wife experienced was purely illusionary, gone in a puff of smoke.

  • passwordprotected
    passwordprotected

    @ lukewarm; we left so suddenly that we hadn't gotten into any conversations with them before hands. Plus we were aware of not wanting to raise any red flags and thus be fingered for apostasy.

    However, it was the fact that they didn't ask that's so galling. If JWs were so sure of their faith they wouldn't be so scared of the reasons why people leave.

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

  • Nick!
    Nick!

    Password, I quote all your are saying.

    I can relate so much to your experience as I was “born in the truth”, baptized at 12, and had a enviable so called Theocratic career, but after about 60 years decided to fade away with my entire family, meaning wife and kids with their partners.
    For about 6 months after I stopped attending meetings, NO ONE ever showed up, although I had been for almost 30 years a very prominent elder in the country where I live!

    In fact the suicide parallel is very fitting!

    When a suicide is made known in the media, in the neighborhood, in the family, the VERY FIRST QUESTION asked is WHY!
    Everyone seems astonished that a given person, who used to appear very “normal” in fact, enjoying his life, his career, his surrounding and acquaintances all of a sudden, for no apparent reasons, decides to commit suicide.
    Many may start saying … “if we had known, maybe we could have done something about it to avoid this drama”!

    What a bunch of layers.

    No one ever cares in this Organization. As long as you are “productive”, everyone seems to be your friend, accept and even search for your company. The moment you do not follow the rest, stop going out in the service and finally giving up attending meetings, even the memorial, it seems that you NEVER had such a life, that no one knows you or has ever known you.
    It is as if it becomes a kind of major crime to give the impression that they know you, or that they meet you or share with you any event. You are just DEAD before the time.

    This is the type of love, the true face of the so called love practice in this organization!

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