New here, lurked for a while, glad to be able to join.
My introduction from JW Recovery:
"I am new to the board, so a short introduction is in order.
I am 26 years old and just out for about a month (Update: four and a half months).
I was born into the JWs. I never really believed anything, doctrinal or otherwise, but became involved to please my family and later some who I thought were friends. I was baptized at 14, not seeing any other choice. I have auxillary pioneered many times due to pressure from my parents, more accurately my father. I was appointed MS at 17 (I had just graduated high school).
I was thinking recently about why I was appointed an MS and realized that it doesn't really have anything to do with spiritual qualities, just with you doing what they want you to. Unfortunately I had. I always fulfilled assignments (I am pretty good at public speaking, and while I don't agree with the doctrines I can explain them straight away) and I always helped out. I was very active in quick builds - I really enjoyed construction and working with my "friends". I also had some specialized skills and so they took advantage of that. I also enjoyed landscaping, and they used that to their full advantage. Cleaning I didn't like so much but I would always grab a vaccum (didn't want to have to clean the bathroom). If someone was in need, I was always there to help. I enjoy helping people, I would help a non-Witness just as readily. I had good hours in service and auxillaried some because of the hounding of my father. I actually didn't mind auxillary pioneering, I learned to get in the right car group and our day would have little to do with service. Funny that cargroup included an pioneer/elder. So at anyrate, I was doing the right things, but not for the right reasons.
Much to their surprise when fall came arround I went to the University on full academic scholarship. I was reccomended to the congregation that I move to and was appointed a MS there as well. I kept on doing as I had before. At some point I realized that you could easily get away with a double life, so I did. I did have a couple of close calls, almost getting caught, but I will save those for another time. I won't go into detail, but I partied pretty hard for the last couple of years of my undergraduate degree. I did take some heat for going to school, but the cong. in the university town was overall accepting. I got my undergraduate degree in a science field, and then much to the horror of some JWs I got my Master's in the same science field. All the while, living a double life, but still active in the JWs and doing enough to be considered an outstanding MS.
After I finished my masters I moved to my current location. I was appointed a MS first time the CO came arround, within a month. This was a setback because I had kind of planned to fade. Well, so much for that, so I continued to live a double life. At some point I decided I couldn't keep this double life up. I was an MS in good standing, at the same time in a relationship with an athiest, and partying hard. I was trying so hard to find a way out.
-At the last Circut Assembly I went to, I was at the attendants desk, in charge of making sure all the attendants showed, counted, etc.
-At the last District Convention I attended, I had an experience and the same responsibilities at the attendant's desk.
-At the last Sunday meeting I went to I gave the Public Talk (while slightly drunk).
-At the last Thursday meeting I went to I gave the bible highlights and had the announcements.
-At the last bookstudy I went to I conducted (while slightly drunk).
-The last time I went in service, I conducted the meeting.
Granted, this was not in one week. I began missing alot of meetings, blaming my work. Finally, after about 2 months of irregular meeting attendance and uncharacteristically low service hours, an elder asked me if I was alright. I just said "No, I'm not. You might as well get a JC together." He insisted that he meet and talk to me first, and out of respect for him I did. I could have written a book on all the things that I did that I could be DFed for, but kept it simple. I told him I was in a relationship with a worldly girl. He asked if I had commited fornication, I confirmed. He asked if I was going to marry her, I told him we're in a commited relationship but we didn't see the need to marry. He said that would end the fornication, and then you would only be reproved. I said that wouldn't change anyting, and I told him quite honestly that I did not, do not, and cannot believe this is the true religion, and that in fact I don't believe in God. He asked "How can you walk away from this?" I told him I had just answered that question, and that the only thing I feel I would lose would be my family and "friends".
So the JC is set for the next week. The brother has asked me not to see my GF that week so I could clear my mind. I told him there was no chance of that. He asked if she could come, and I told him there was no chance of that. At the JC, all 3 elders were brothers I know well, all of whom I had assisted in some way. I didn't bring a bible to the JC, and they were all shocked by that. I was faced with two charges, apostacy (even though I had only expressed my doubts to the one elder) and fornication (pornea). Of course they had great interest in the details of the fornication, asking questions that I refused to answer. I outright admited to fornication. Period, that is all you get, that is all you need. I will not identify my GF so you can hound her. I will not answer your perverted questions. All this from 3 elders that I knew well and had helped. They said "Alright, this is enough to DF you. We won't proceed with the apostacy charge so that it will be easier for you to be reinstated." They asked me to leave the room for a minute and then called me back. It was decided that I was to be disfellowshiped. Big Surprise! They asked again if they could talk to my GF and I told them to pound sand. They have since attempted to find out who she is, which actually led to one very entertaining day.
So I am out. I regret living a double life, I felt very bad doing it. It even led me to drinking (I have only drank a handful of times since the JC meeting and don't feel the need to). I regret the people I hurt by leaving. I haven't had one of my "friends" who is a witness contact me. My father and brother who I am very close to won't talk to me, and communication with my mother has to be kept secret. I have also found that I have more real friends than I ever realized. People that I have done nothing for, even people that I treated badly before I began living a double life. I also have my GFs family who are very loving. In leaving I have lost much but I have gained much.
*I appologize for the length of this post and for any spelling or grammer mistakes I may have made."
