Hi guys and gals... you've probably read my earlier post regarding the prodigal son question and how the JC sent me packing... well, after talking with a good friend of mine i decided to move a new cong. where the elders have known me for many years and actually appreciate me as a person... at first I was planning on handing this letter in person so I went but their meeting time had changed so I called one of the elders in my reinstatement JC and asked him for the meeting days but he said 'it would be better if I mailed it' to which I replied 'do you just not want me around your congregation, is that it? he said again it would just be better to mail it again and left it at that. So, I talked to the elder where I'm planning to attend and I asked him if I could just have him give them my letter and he said that's fine :) here's the letter... any opinions welcome :) btw, this letter is not asking for reinstatement but rather a follow up and clarificaton to my reinstatement hearing and my action plan for the future...my intention is not to complain or kiss up to them but just be clear on facts...
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
xxxx Congregation
Body of Elders
Judicial Committee
J, P and T:
After I left the judicial meeting this past Saturday I had mixed emotions such as feeling overly sad, hopeless, resentful and misunderstood all at once. I felt somewhat resentful and misunderstood in part because at the time I perceived that there might have been things that went omitted in preparation to my reinstatement request hearing. For example, it seems P. did not have the opportunity to read my original reinstatement request letter prior to the hearing. Also, as you may recall, there were some discrepancies regarding my meeting attendance while attending congregation XXXXX which troubled me. I was told that they hardly ever saw me there during that period of time; when even my nonbeliever wife knows it was the other way around. When I called brother XXXX (in cong. XXXX) that same weekend, he said that the misunderstanding might have occurred due to the fact that the report was given verbally over the telephone.
Once again, it was not easy battling these and other mixed emotions last weekend; particularly feeling overly sad and hopeless knowing that as I mentioned during the hearing, my last attempt at making the meetings brought on me episodes of asthma and choking on my own vomit while driving to or from the meeting which at times forced me to abruptly pull over worrying that I could crash with my infant son aboard. I kept battling with these feelings for a few days thinking I could never do what Jehovah expects from me and this in turn made me feel even worse thinking that I could never be able to take the lead in my household as Jehovah would like.
When I thought that my hopelessness and sadness could not get any worse I broke down as never before and poured it all out to Jehovah God. It is then while in this miserable state that I felt Jehovah’s mercifulness and felt how he cordially condescended and comforted me in great manner and came to fully realize as never before that I need more than ever to rely more on him and not so much on my own limited physical and emotional strength. It also became clear in my mind and heart as never before that despite the unintentional misunderstandings between you and someone emotionally touchy like me, he has utilized all of you since the beginning. For example, such as the time of my original judicial hearing when you tried to bring me to my senses, or such as these last occasions when some of you including bro. XXXX took the time to strengthen my path, discipline and reproof me in the things that I still need to work on.
After pouring out my heart to Jehovah, I then let him know and now I would like to let all of you know that it is my intention to persist in my efforts to rejoice Jehovah by not letting anything to get in the way. I have let him know and have asked him to help me rely more on him so that I can make this commitment without allowing my physical and emotional limitations interfere. I have also asked him to continue help me learn once more to hate what is bad and from now continue to comply with his ways and high standards…. considering everything that is at stake: his sovereignty, proving Satan a liar and helping my family serve him. Thus, I have asked him to help me really hate what is bad; mainly immorality that is. Even though I have turned around from this practice, it has proved to be a weak point in my personality which I regret falling for.
It is then my intention to make arrangements in the XXXX congregation starting this week and attend meetings once again. XXXX is closer to me and meets in the same hall as yours, so that should help monitor my progress more closely and improve the communication between the bodies of elders. This newly found relief and joy that Jehovah has comforted me with at first prompted me to hand this letter to you in person. However, it is not my desire to make anyone uncomfortable at the XXXX congregation and open any old wounds. Thank you.
Tsar
Cc: Body of Elders, XXXX Congregation (new congregation where I plan to attend)