I wonder looking back just how insensitive to reality I could have been to have spent the vastness of my youth and midlife believing the obvious lies of Jehovah's Witnesses.
Through my studies, I have learned that intelligence, stupidity, insensitivity, etc.
are not always relevant. Sure, many college grads never became JW's because
they learned to think for themself. That doesn't make those that don't learn to
think for themselves stupid. Heck, even many college grads did become JW's.
And in your case and in many others, you were told it was "the truth" when you
were a child. You were convinced that the whole world is warped because it's
in Satan's control, so you couldn't trust anything you were told in your education.
Think of primitive men. They didn't have time to learn how to properly deal with their
emotions. They were survivalists. They learned FIGHT OR FLIGHT in the face of
most obstacles in life. JW training taps into fears and gets us back into the
FIGHT OR FLIGHT mode, then they tell us not to fight at all. They tell us to run
away from problems, education, research, debate, intelligent discussion, etc. and
let "Jehovah" fight it by destroying it any minute now.
The lies are very obvious, but only if you weren't tricked by them first. I still know
many people who don't understand the least thing about JW's and some of them
think there's nothing wrong with being one of them and question me about giving it
up. When I explain the control factor, they think I am exaggerating.
Like a man who just emerged from amnesia and has no past from which to draw his moral/ethical/philosophical/spiritual value system, I sometimes wonder who I am, where I have been, and mostly where I am going.
I am leaning more and more toward eastern philosophy (not eastern religion) because
it helps me to just let things flow- the way of water. It is very common for people of
all ages to question what they were told in their younger years. Eastern philosophy
helps me to understand that the questions should be asked, "Who am I, where am I
going" but they help me understand that the journey is the important thing instead of
the destination. I have many questions in my journey. There are many answers that
don't all go together. If I don't get it all sorted out, it's okay. I am enjoying pondering
all the possibilities. Instead of acheiving Nirvana and joining Buddha in enlightenment,
I reach for enlightenment and don't worry so much if I never reach the Nirvana stage.
I don't reall believe there is Nirvana, but I could be pleasantly surprised when I die.
Meanwhile, life is about life. Life is about your friends and family and meals and
helping your fellow human out.
I feel like a man of 53 making his early forays into the life of an 18 year old.
.....I sense that the marathon started and was nearly finished before I began the race. Now the sun sets on the course, and I run it alone.
Enjoy the scenes on your run. Most 18 year olds don't stop to examine life's questions.
Some do, but most wait until later in life. Talk to people in their 70's and 80's. More of
them are still searching for meaning than any 18 year olds.
You are not alone.
Just the ramblings of another random man in a random world.
