The Reason ex-JWs Don't Communicate Well With Others

StAnn

I've been giving this a lot of thought. I'm thinking that, as a born-in, I was raised thinking that everybody who wasn't a Dub was stupid and I had to go door-to-door to enlighten them. And that the ones who were so stupid and stubborn as to not respond to my message (which was all of them, LOL!) were "bird feed." I was taught to think that by non-Dub relatives, schoolmates, teachers, neighbors, etc., were pretty much just worthless and not even worthy of my pity.

In short, I was raised to have absolutely no respect for virtually anybody. Even with the GB and the WTS, I was taught to fear them more than I was to respect them.

I think having a lack of respect shows in how we communicate with others. I still have a pretty big case of "don't give a s*@t" about most things in life. I've overcome it in many ways but I believe that I'm able to blow people off more quickly than a "normal" person would be able to do and that it affects my relationships down to this day.

If you don't have real respect for others, it shows and they will not want to be in relationship with you. I think this is one of the big hurdles we must cross as ex-Dubs, to learn to respect others and learn to treat them respectfully.

What do you think?

StAnn

Maddie

I agree with what you say but basically I think that when you have been a JW and subject to the cult mind control, it stays in the psyche for a long time. It is difficult adjusting to viewing others in a way outside of the cult mentality depending on how well you have recovered after leaving.

Maddie

cameo-d

I think you are certainly on the road to recovery when you can sit back and analyze these things and realize your mistakes and shortcomings. Most people will not even try to see themselves objectively. It's an important step in learning about ourselves and improving our quality of life when we try to overcome our faults.

Your realizations are a big step in being able to put conscious thought into your future actions and associations.

I think most religious zealots I have encountered have trouble being "listeners"; they cut you short when you are speaking to them because they think their ideas and opinions are more important than anything someone else has to say.

shopaholic

You are spot on. Professionally and in the JW world, I was fine. Now that I am out and working on connecting socially, at first I came off very brass. But I've been working on it. Its has gotten a lot better now that I know non-JWs are not what I was taught to believe for so many years.

Great Post!

SnakesInTheTower

st.ann:

I still have a pretty big case of "don't give a s*@t" about most things in life. I've overcome it in many ways but I believe that I'm able to blow people off more quickly than a "normal" person would be able to do and that it affects my relationships down to this day.

absolutely. I truly understand. In my case, I dont know if thats depression on my part or what... I have decided I really dont give a crap what people in general think. I am developing my own style and character..(or becoming a character..not sure which )... I have this hat I wear all the time..year round.... (its posted in a pic on this site somewhere a year or so back ...if its still there)... that I bought last summer to cover my nearly bald head....... and since then I have become very recognizable on campus, in stores, on the job (my customers recognize me as soon as I pull up in front of their house)...the hat gets attention because no one around here sells them..its unique to this area so far.....and most of the time I get compliments..guys and gals.... more than I ever got as a dub... it does wonders for the pscyhe...trust me...as a lifetime member of the nerd club....its nice to get complimented instead of beaten down as never good enough...... I decided even if people were to ridicule the hat..and a few have...that was on them not me.

As to social interactions... I have trouble meeting new people to socialize with... thus dating suffers.....and I still prefer to sit quietly and read and observe others. Conversation is difficult for me. I prefer writing over talking. If I actually get comfortable then I can open up a bit... but it takes more effort than they probably realize....to them it may seem effortless...inside I am wanting to crawl in a hole. Fear of saying the wrong thing drilled into my head as dub will take a long time to undo.

Social isolation is the key to the success of keeping dubs captive. A fellwo poster told me something jinteresting ust today... I hope they post what they said on this site.... it was a good line.... but thats their line.... I wont pilfer it... lol

happy holidays everyone....

Snakes ()

StAnn

I think most religious zealots I have encountered have trouble being "listeners";

Cameo-D: Exactly! If Dubs knew how to listen, they'd hear stuff at the door and in the media that would cause them to RUN from the WTS. Alas, their ears and minds are closed. It used to be that I was so intent on convincing someone I was right that I was a real pitbull in a conversation. It's been hard to overcome~and hard for someone to be married to someone like that!

Ah, that good TMS training.

StAnn

at first I came off very brass.

Shopaholic: Me too. Everybody says that I talk just like my Dad does, re: mannerisms, etc., and that speech patterns that are normal for a man just don't sound right coming out of a woman's mouth. But I think it's more that I come off very brass, just like you said.

I hadn't thought of that being a Dub trait. Something to ponder....!

Personally, I don't like playing games and I'm very (very!) direct. I don't see anything wrong with that but it is off-putting to other people, so I try to tone it down. To me, "No" or "Yes" without a huge explanation is a perfectly acceptable response. Apparently, the rest of America does not agree!

StAnn

I am developing my own style and character..(or becoming a character..not sure which

Snakes, I understand perfectly. I am definitely considered a character. (My priest says he just loves when I'm in the confessional because he never knows WHAT he's going to hear; the things I consider confession-worthy crack him up!) It used to bother me but, like you and your hat, I've learned to just embrace it and be more expressive of my individuality. But it's hard to know when I'm just being me vs. being insensitive and disrespectful.

What we need is charm school for ex-JWs. We need someone to teach us how to communicate (and dress!) normally.

StAnn

ninja

I communicate much better with people now.......I know they are just as worthy as anyone else now...woo hoo ...my mind is free....ninjo

oompa

This is just all so sad....i recently spent a day working with my df'd 23 year old son...kicked to the curb at 16....damm them to hell.......and even though he is a freakin surf dude model...he said he is kinda weirded out that all of his friends are still former jw's...just like him...and believe me there are plenty out there....he dates plenty of nice girls (did not say worldly...so improving)...but he..like me just connects so much better with you guys!!!..............i pray he is not damaged for life....so hated i did that to him..........................oompa

The Reason ex-JWs Don't Communicate Well With Others

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