Help with a List...

Tuesday

Hey there folks! So my Brother-In-Law was telling my sister when they move out to Rhode Island that my mother will be able to watch their two kids. My sister of course is quite opposed, so he reasoned with her to "make a list of all the things you don't want your mom to do when she watches them." Since she's a JW I figured it would be fun for all the folks here on the message board to help my sister and I compile this list. I haven't really started anything but off the top of my head I can think of

- Don't tell my children that I'm going to die soon at Armageddon

- Try not to mention anything about Jesus having a spiritual marriage with 144,000 people in heaven (it's hard to explain to them later on)

- Don't let my children be molested by elders

- If they are molested it would just be fantastic if you could not try to cover it up to not bring reproach upon Jehovah's name.

- Don't flash pictures of extreme violence to my children (this includes depictions of people dying in Armageddon)

- Satan may indeed be roaming the earth like a roving lion seeking to devour people, but don't tell my children he will if they don't take their scheduled naps....

You get the idea I'm sure. A little help with some pithy rules would be fantastic. Thanks in advance.

sacolton

If my children need a blood transfusion - LET THEM HAVE BLOOD!!!

cameo-d

Don't take them to places where oral sex is discussed as a public topic.

DO not put me in a situation to have to answer questions of "what is that" when they are too young to know.

FlyingHighNow

Tell her she can watch them, but she must agree never to mention JW's to them.

She must never expose them to literature.

She must never bring them to any meeting or convention.

None of her friends must ever mention JW stuff to the kids.

They should be in the room with grandma at every moment, to prevent them from being molested.

She must understand that they do celebrate holidays and she cannot discourage this.

leavingwt

"If you take my kids to a garage sale, never tell them that furniture may be inhabited by demons."

Tuesday

If you take my kids to a garage sale, never tell them that furniture may be inhabited by demons

That's what I'm talkin' bout! That's funny!

- Don't ask my child when he takes a while in the bathroom if he's masturbating, he's two and pull-ups are hard to figure out.

- Allowing my daughter to crawl around in her diaper is by no means "seducing" anyone.

- Don't blame my child for accidentally mixing the exact mixture Jehovah states is specifically for him in Exodus, they're just haphasardly throwing things together, what are you doing with all those ingredients in the first place?

- My child owns a stuffed animal that is a yellow cow, they are not worshipping a golden calf.

Any more guys?

hubert

Don't tell my kids they need to throw away their smurfs.

Hubert

no more kool aid

Don't drag them to an assembly for the entire weekend. Little ones in tight grown up clothes sitting in uncomfortable chairs with their lunches in a cooler under their ass. Don't drag them to the back screaming because they dropped a book with your hand over their mouth. Don't tell them to not worry about the next year and the next year because Armageddon is coming, that messes with their vantage point for the future. Don't drag them out in service where their school chums live, so that they are mortified beyond belief. Don't discuss being taken away by the government, being gang raped and mommy being murdered with a toddler. Do give lots of love encouragement and freedom of thought.

Snoozy

Those are so funny!

I remembered as I read one of the posts that my Mom..a non JW gave my 3 kids ( about 5 years old then) a white stuffed bunny rabbit for Easter and I had let them keep them. They had a little white rocking chair in their bedroom that they would put their stuffed animals on at night time. Well one night my oldest daughter started to cry and scream Mommy..I went running in there and she said the bunny had hopped down and was dancing around on the floor..and when I came in it jumped back in the chair.

Well no amount of talking could convince her that there were NO demons in that bunny. Apparently a few of her JW girlfriends that came over to play had told her that since the bunnies were a "Easter Present" that it had "Demons" in it and needed to be destroyed...so I had to get rid of them..I never did tell my Mom..it would have really hurt her feelings.

The kids still swear that the bunny did indeed get down and hop around the room that night. And they are in their late 40's now...

Stupid JW's and their ignorant lies.

And stupid Snoozy for letting them get a way with their lies.

ps...I never could give the grandkids bunnies as a present...

Tuesday

Any more funny ones?

- Don't bring my child to the Assembly, you'll end up having to buy them one of those stupid mini-fans outside and when it breaks later on I'll have to bring them to every store in the state to try and find a replacement...and I just don't have that sort of time on my hands.

- I don't care how righteous Phinneas was could we avoid mentioning people getting impaled by the genitals?

- No stories about Balaam while you realize the bible is talking about his donkey I don't feel like explaining how it's a physical impossiblity for one to talk out of their ass (unless they're on the platform).

- No stories about Noah, first our kid will name all their stuffed animals after food products (Ham? Seriously, Noah named his kid Ham) and every time it rains my child will start collecting two of every animal from around the house.

- The whole Flood story in general should be avoided because I don't want my child telling the person holding the gay pride flag that they're God's tool to show he'll never flood the earth again.

- David and Goliath may be a great story, however I have to stop my child from slinging rocks at the forehead of anyone over 6'5.

- Why will my child only drink water by putting it in their hand and bringing it to their mouth? Do you know how much wasted Juice is all over the floor?

- Really where am I supposed to find a scarlett rope to hang out my child's window?

- Great, when I bring my child to wrestling shows and the children start making fun of the bad guy for being bald my child cowers in fear thinking a bear is going to rip everyone in the hall apart.

OK come on people, I know you have it in you, any more funny ones people can come up with?

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