Unevenly Choked

by RedhorseWoman 13 Replies latest social relationships

  • RedhorseWoman

    He HIT you, and your parents think all you need to resolve are spiritual matters? Run.....really fast.

    What this brother did was to assault you. You would be well within your rights to charge him with that.

    One of my friends married a brother who seemed absolutely wonderful.....a little tempermental, but his father was an elder and he was well thought of in the congregation. This bozo tried to run her over with their car in a fit of rage while she was pregnant.

    The last thing you need is to be involved in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, in these cases the elders have no idea how to handle the situation and will generally advise the sister to be more submissive and a better helpmate.

    This will NOT work with an abuser. He will simply continue his abuse. Find someone who will treat you properly and lose this bozo.

  • spectromize

    Use common sense and not emotionalism from your parents. Can you just image if he hits you now and you end up marrying this brother? Things can only get worse if you form the bond as you really get to know what a person is like when you live 24-7 in the same place. I agree with Redh run while you still have time.

  • spectromize

    Dear SevenofNine,

    As much as you love him, remember this, because of our imperfect nature and some of the traits past on by our first parents, some individuals should never be together. Find someone who will respect your feelings and a good listener. There are a lot of men out there.

    May you treasure peace,
    from spectromize.

  • Seven

    Dear spectromize,
    I am in agreement with you that some individuals are never meant to be together. The roads we travel in discovering this can sometimes be painful. I'm certain after time I can learn to love again. Right now and for many Friday nights to come it's going to be me, the TV, and the VCR.

    There are good men to be found out there and once I've had a chance to heal maybe I'll take another
    look around. Meanwhile, I wonder if the Mir Space
    Station needs someone to look after things?

    I appreciate your support and it's great to have friends here to talk to.

    Christian love,

  • RedhorseWoman

    I'm so glad you will be thinking of your best interests in this.

    As much as the elders might think they're helping, they really have no idea on how to give the best advice in situations like this.

    You are intelligent and wise. Don't limit yourself. Look for a man who will complement you and treat you as you deserve to be treated. No woman should be a man's doormat.

  • Seven

    RedhorseWoman, Thank you also for your support. I know of several sisters in my congregation who are now trapped in bad marriages and can't imagine living under those conditions for the remainder of my life.

    I hope all lurkers out there who recognize themselves in these posts will be motivated to do something about their situations while they still can.


  • Frenchy

    Hello, Seven, I'm sorry I was late getting to you. I have my hands full here with a messy situation.
    After reading the replies to your post I find myself in agreement with the advice given here. For a man to hit a woman (other than self defense) is an inexcusable action. The brother has some deep-seated problems which he may, or may not, in time work out. I would not want to be his punching bag while he's sorting out his behavioral problems, though. While not impossible, it's very unlikely that he will solve this tendency toward violence on his own. As has been mentioned here, the elders ARE NOT equipped or qualified to deal with such a situation.
    You're doing the right thing.
    Please be advised that people like this guy we're talking about do not always act and react in a rational manner. He may not take 'no' for an answer so I would be very careful of him from now on and make sure that you do not give him anything at all that might make him think things are okay now. Don't even be nice to him. Be as cold as you can. Being nice makes him think that everything is okay now, that you have forgotten what he's done. Being cold is a constant reminder of his deplorable actions.
    If he gives you the slightest indication that he would like to see you again tell him that you are going to the police and press charges for assault and that you will have a restraining order placed on him.
    The old cliche is right, 'Life is short'. It should not be spent in perpetual turmoil. I have lived in a virtual boxing ring all my life, I should know!
    And as far as the space station is concerned, I hear that it's very boring there. I would recommend a real fast starship instead. Aside from a few possible skirmishes with the Klingons and the Romulans it should prove to be quite enjoyable.

  • Seven

    Hi Frenchy, Thanks for your comments and hope you can get your difficulties resolved also. I received quite a few emails from him this morning
    full of the I'm so sorry baby, it won't happen again routine. I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from replying. I believe you are right and I need to sever all ties with him or else I may end up right back where I started.

    I guess I will change my mind and go with a fast starship. I feel the need for speed. :)


    PS. I also feel the need for a bowl of gumbo which
    is cooking on the stove as we speak.lol.

  • RedhorseWoman

    Do NOT believe the "it won't happen again" crap. It WILL happen again....especially if he is not getting any help for his problem....and it IS a problem. It is HIS problem....don't make it yours.

    Remember this.

  • Simon

    Hi Seven
    I must agree with RedhorseWoman - there is no excuse for him hitting you and I don't think you should ever believe any "I wont do it again" plea.
    If anything, doing it once will make it easier the next time.
    Get out, run away, don't look back.

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