My heart is with you. I have children and a wife who will not leave the WT no matter how false or evil it is. I do not know what advice to give you, because I need advice myself. All I have done is try to reason with her several times and continue suffering silently. I am sure the day will come when I would not be able to take it anymore and will leave the WT. But I will do the impossible to save my marriage, particularly because my children are the most important thing in my life. I hope you find peace of mind.
Is my life reaching to a dead end?I need a way out...
by justhuman 42 Replies latest jw friends
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snowbird
Tell her there are hundreds of women who would give anything to be in her shoes.
Advise her to visit a shelter for battered women (if one exists in your area) and listen to their stories.
That should make her do a quick about-face!
Don't let her walk over you; you deserve much better.
Sylvia
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jamiebowers
Why did she ask you to return? Was it for money or sex or help with the kids? Assume your role as head of the family. That means taking charge of her and your children. You should NEVER leave your house at her whim, and if her invited guests treat you with disrespect, then they shouldn't be guests for long. I would also curtail the frequent parties and outings, because they cost money that you apparently can't afford to spend. Also, stick around to give your kids a balanced view of the cult. YOU are the head, and it is in your control. As a jw, these are the rules she must live by.
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
While on the other hand she has "friends"(JWs) and I have no one.
JH, you need to make new friends, non-JW Christians, perhaps. Just engage in conversation with the people you are around. Listen when they start opening up. Perhaps you'll start feeling better about yourself as you learn about REAL people. I know you're very busy, but it doesn't have to take a lot of time. Real friends aren't that needy about your time... they don't expect you to sit through hours of JW meetings to be friendly to you. And now you don't have to be friendly to try to place JW books with them. The Greeks around here are usually very eager to talk... and argue sometimes... but you can still be very open and friendly with them.
Then, you can tell Mrs. JH to leave the premises when your friends come over.
B the X
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Quirky1
Witnesses....sigh....I've gotta have another drink.
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Dogpatch
My thoughts are with you bro. I hope you have buds to hang with locally, helps life be manageable.
Randy
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Anne
Have a serious sit down with her. Tell her that she is not allowed to disrespect you in front of the children. It's disrespectful for her to ask you to leave so that she can have people over at your house. How old are your children? If they are old enough get them involved in activities away from the cult. Don't stop mommy from taking them to the boring meetings, they will decide not to go on their own soon enough. Just make sure that you are around to keep her from guilt tripping them into it. If she continues with the emotional abuse, make notes. Get a good lawyer. With a documented history of mental and emotional abuse because of the cult you should be able to leave with custody of the kids. She'll also have to pay you child support. That leads to another question. Does your wife work? If not she has to get a job. No more funding of the JW train from you.
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BabaYaga
I don't know that I can really add anything to the plethora of good advice here, but I did want to add my empathy.
I completely agree with two things: One, do NOT allow her to treat you like a second-class citizen in YOUR HOME. Stay and smile and speak to the ones that come for "parties" in your house, be a loving host! That should limit those parties in your own home that you are not invited to!
The second thing is GET OUT AND MEET people... get your own batch of people to talk to and have coffee with. How? Take a class or two in a subject you are interested in, volunteer to work on a project or club or team for a cause you feel is worthwhile. Go take an active part in things that interest you... often, the other folks participating will interest you, too.
Hugs and strength to you,
Baba. -
NewYork44M
Every day I hear the same old story. That I'm a selfish person who thinks only for my self, I'm proud, without being humble, and I was carried way by "apostates". For this God will panish me and I will regret deeply because I left the Org. While on the other hand she has "friends"(JWs) and I have no one.
Your situation sounds a lot like what I endured. From the minute I woke up to the time I went to bed we had this long continuous battle about how I abandoned god and etc. and etc. and etc.
I reached the breaking point and decided to get on with my life without her. It took two painful expensive years but I am free.
I hope it works out for you. But if not, I hope you don't have the same regret that I have: "why did I wait so long?"
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mustang
Apostates also have the Make Sure of All Things (ancient technology):
Now here is a zinger, under Children of Christians Highly Favored:
1 Cor. 7:14 "The unbelieving husband is sanctified in relation to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in relation to the brother; otherwise, your children would really be unclean, but now they are holy."
Christian Duties of the Wife
I Peter 3:1-5 KJV
Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward [adorning] of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
But [let it be] the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, [even the ornament] of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
Col. 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Apostates w/ Concordances, WT concordance, keyed to the NWT, no less, bring you SCRIPTURES about the woman and her position in the congregations:
Proverbs 19:13 RSV
A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.
Proverbs 27:15 RSV
A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious woman are alike;
(1
Peter3:1)In like manner, YOU wives, be in subjection to YOUR own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of [their] wives,
(repeating Oompa)
Even an apostate husband, is a husband and has biblically noted dues. Wives have been counseled on how to win back UBM's: UnBelieving Mates. That's you!!!
There are more than enough Scriptures to make your point. Complaining to the eLDER's is a sword that "cuts both ways". A gentle reminder of that might be in order.
Mustang