Oh what a tangled web we weave... ive known my mother in law since 1984. We became very close when I married her son in 87. When I DAd in 1997, she played this passive aggressive game with me, hating me when other JWs (like her JW elder second husband) were around...and would come and hug me and talk to me when nobody was around. She told me that she prayed for her nonJW children to DIE before armageddon comes so they would be ressurrected! (she has six kids) Can you imagine that?? So....low and behold two years later mom comes to her senses after 25 years a JW and DAs herself. I took her in with open arms and she asked forgiveness for how awful and UNCHRISTIAN she had treated me. Meanwhile her JW elder second husband begins a slow and steady mockery of her and removal of himself, choosing to side with her two grown JW children AGAINST their mother, exchanging emails about everything she is doing. And...he was WATCHING her JW children to see if they would shun or not...their mother.
I wanted to choke all of the JWs which includes my husband. The congregation and friends she had known for 25 years cut her off like a gangrenous toe. She was choking with the depair and the loss. In 2002 she had a breakdown and without telling me, decided to go BACK to the JWs and did. I couldnt get ahold of her for months and finally her youngest non JW son said "Oh didnt you know? She went back to the JWs!" Well I was furious with her. When I finally got ahold of her I said "you wait..you will see..you cant go back ...they do NOT meet you with love and support and you will NOT have your friends back. You are wearing the Scarlet A." She said I was wrong and she had restudied all they believed and knew that with time she would renew her faith in them. She was reinstated after a solid year of groveling and humiliation. Things DIDNT improve in her marriage.
Things started to unravel quickly for her after that. She saw that there was no love for her. There was nothing that she learned by their shunning her that was rewarded when she came back to the flock. She was treated at arms length as suspect and caution and was no longer included in anythng. Nobody trusted that she was back and they questioned her sincerity. Her kids allowed themselves cautious lip service relationships with her. She didnt believe any of their drivel either and the dissonance made her implode.
She last 18 months...and DAd again. This time for good. The mocking and the smugness from her elder husband have resumed. Her JW children have cut her off.
Anybody who says that the JWs shun to show love for an individual is soundly lying. And they know it.