Outlaw...whenever my husband says something particularly bigoted or stupid, I tell him I follow the bible, not men. I let him fill in the blanks, then ask him if his tie is too tight?
Mary Stewart - I am sure there are women who can be cold and hard through a divorce, but my answer comes from twenty years' experience in the single parent community. I learned to appreciate the pain on both sides of the fence. I am making a generalization of course, but most of the time the woman is trying to work out the relationship, while he is busy taking care of the bank accounts.
It has to do how the sexes grieve. It is also very common for the man to lash out in bad behavior, while she tends to gather her girlfriends around her and have a good cry. I've seen many men take a financial dive - not so much from the divorce settlement - but because his performance at work drops or he even gets fired. I think some men fail to appreciate, until it happens, the terrible loss of his role as husband and father. For some men, it's a loss that deprives them of ambition and drive. A double financial whammy.
Or more properly one might say that the one doing the leaving is prepared, and the one being left is not. The catch-up time is where the prepared spouse can take advantage.
For Tiffy, it sounds like both have been ready for some time. He just happens to have lined things up to convince her she has no rights. As his kids are grown, he won't face the same emotional loss that fathers do. On the other hand, he may be underestimating the advantage of having a partner around to watch over his health. Statistically, married men live longer.