Parental Control

by Nancy Drake 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Nancy Drake
    Nancy Drake

    Hi Everybody!

    I haven't been around in a while. I've been much better with all the EXJW stuff, and sorta moved on...but I'm having a rough day today, and I would like to get some thoughts out.

    I'm particularly upset today because of my parents. I've been shunned by my parents pretty much for the past 11 years since I've been disfellowshiped. They tell me that they are allowed to call me for family business and such. My mom called me when my paternal grandfather died, but nobody called me when my maternal grandfather died. The family cat died, and I didn't get a could say they are wishy-washy.

    Lately my dad has taken to writing me self-promoting emails. He is annoyingly proud of the fact that he was recently chosen Presiding Overseer of his congregation. He told me that he was chosen over a "black brother." More annoying is the fact that he brags about being friends with black people like he's doing them a favor by not being racist.

    Anyway, after years of all the shunning, I'm now getting emails about how unclean I am for living with my boyfriend without being married. And how at least they have hope for my brother who died when he was a baby. My older brother and I are spiritually defective (he's df'd too), so at least they'll have help for the resurrected one!

    Nice to hear from you, Dad.

    And for goodness sake, how long has Armageddon been around the corner!!!!???

  • carla

    Have you replied to his 'loving letters'? Why don't you write him back? Either tell him to stop with the nonsense or inform him why you have a problem with the cult (pedophiles, unscholarly work, abuses, df'ing, child baptism, pagan origins, scripture twisting, etc....) What would you have to lose? They already shun you and don't tell you what is going on with family members. Sorry you have to deal with this. (fellow cheesehead)

  • yknot

    Okay I am a softy..... I too would write him back a newsy my life is going great letter..... but that is all.

    Why drag up JWism if it isn't needed.

    What is the worse that can happen..... he keeps writing and you him both stay informed about each other's lives.

    Hmm wonder why he is still calling himself PO vesus COTBOE (Coordinator)?

    I am happy to hear you have moved on...

  • Nowman

    Hello Nancy Drake,

    I was DF'd at 18, my dad has not seen me since 92 and my mom and I reunited in 2000 after 8 years! My mom was in much longer than I and has a hard time dealing with the real world even though she does not believe in the JW org anymore. Our relationship is not so good, and its not that I do not care or that I do not love her, but eveytime I see her, she does something that hurts me. Whether its not seeing me and her grand children period, or when she does, she can only handle so much being around them. Or she just puts me down in someway, when the timing is not necessary to even make a comment. I keep my mouth shut, I will not let her upset me too long.

    Well, I went all those years without a relationship, I certainly can go longer, I have to put it in its place and I am thankful I am not so miserable.

    I have had so many up & downs with them all my life, mostly while being a JW. And I still have to deal with the after effects due to my mother being mentally ill.

    You just have to hang in there, and keep your will up. In the end, you may just have to put it in its place and move on with life, and fill it with things that make you happy or whoever you want to make happy. Its your life, your parents are still JWs and taught that someone (their daughter) like you has been touched by Satan. You and I both know that is ridiculous. They really believe it just as we all might have believed it or been afraid to have doubts at one point, but in all reality, they are following the WTBS "law".

    All the best...Nikki

  • yknot

    Oh and Armageddon has been around the corner since 1874 ....

  • Nancy Drake
    Nancy Drake


    I've learned to keep my anti-JW thoughts to myself, just to keep the lines of communication open. I do write him back the first time he starts a conversation, then I respond, then he responds with a bunch of demeaning witness stuff and I just blow it off till the next email. Most of the time, I'm very passive about it and I'm not really bothered by the fact that I don't reallly have parents. I've gotten used to them not being around and pretty much accept it. Today it just upset me that everytime he does choose to talk to me, he finds a way to make sure I know that he thinks I'm inferior because of my religious decisions and can't just have a REAL conversation with me. That's what bothers me. I don't know why he can't just talk to me like a person.


    I always write the "newsy my life is going great" letter! That's so funny that you described it that way. What the heck is COTBOE?? Nice to meet you, btw.


    Nice to meet you. I'm sorry about your mom. I'm happy she got out, though. My parents are so braindead, I'm pretty sure they will never leave. Even if all the JW's decided the religion was bs and left at the same time...they'd still be there trying to keep the kingdom hall together, lol. My parents don't see their grandchildren either. My brother has two beautiful daughters and I have the most amazing son, but they have absolutely no relationship with them. It's really sad that they think their religion is just THAT important that they would give up their entire family...

    Thanks everybody for your responses.

  • dawg

    Someone asked this...."Why drag up JWism if it isn't needed".

    Let's see, its needed to tell anyone that's abusive to you that their yucking behavior isn't acceptable., that's why!

    So, if I'm reading this right, you've decided the JWs don's have the truth? Then that means your values, your morality is different than your dad's, yet he feels it's perfectly acceptable to tell you your values are deplorable to him. And he's the one who's saying to you that he's no longer willing to accept your values... he's willing to shun you, show you he cares less about your decisions becasue they aren't what HE wants....

    He doesn't respect you nor the way your mind guides you to live... if you aren't shunning him, and he's shunning you... then he's being abusive... period!

    So, "why drag up JWism if it isn't needed"? Looks pretty needed to me since this is the reason he's deciding to abuse you. Isn't he the one that's bringing up religion? Sure looks that way to me....

    Don't take this deplorable behavior from your dad nor anyone else... it does no good and fuels the fire in their minds that they are right in their foolishness. Tell him that you find his religion unacceptable, and your contention lies in the fact that it effects your relationship with him ONLY. That HIS RELIGION has caused a huge rift in your relationship with him, and caused his continued abuse of you... and if he wants to have ANY DEALING WHATSOEVER, with you then this behavior must stop.

    How you do it is one thing, but to take his continued abuse just doesn't make sense to me.

  • yknot

    Nice to meet you too !

    The title of PO has been changed to COTBOE.... "Coordinator of the Body of Elders"

    See letter here posted by Billy the X

    I am glad to here you write regularly.......maybe best to see this as reaching out....

    Actually I am quite suprised he would write at all with the more stricter stance against DFd/DAd once again.

    I wonder if all the rumored changes are true how it will effect his point of view.

  • Nancy Drake
    Nancy Drake

    Ynot, or anybody reading, can you explain the "stricter stance" to me? When did this happen? I'm so out of the loop with everything...

  • Nancy Drake
    Nancy Drake

    Thank you for your input, Dawg, and nice to meet you.

    Dawg, I like to keep the lines of communication open with my parents. I know how their mind works, and I don't really consider it abusive anymore, just super ignorant!

    I know that they believe what they believe SO intensely that they feel they REALLY NEED to treat me the way they do. I respect their choices, and I KNOW they do not respect mine, but I know that they are trained to react that way. It is understandable that they would have no choice but to believe that their way is the only way...after all, they have given up their children for it! Their consciences wouldn't allow them to believe anything else!

Share this