The Fine Art of Saying "I'm Sorry".

BabaYaga

Is it almost a lost art? Can you say it yourself? Could you say it while you were a Jehovah's Witness?

I will tell you this: It took me many, many years of being out of the organization before I could learn how to say "I'm sorry" and truly mean it.

Having given this some thought, I realized that it might be having been raised so DEFENSIVELY... in school, I constantly had to DEFEND my bizarre belief system... whether I even fully understood it or completely believed it or not. Years later, when I no longer considered myself a Witness, I was told by a very dear friend (who had never been a witness) that I "could rationalize anything." I think that comes from having to have SOLID, ABSOLUTE, DEFEND-ABLE answers for everything, no matter how illogical they seem.

I am happy to say that I can now apologize and mean it. I can also honestly say "I don't know" and be okay with that.

Any thoughts?

compound complex

Dear Baba,

I'm sorry that I didn't reply sooner!

CoCo

(I shall return with a real answer!)

BabaYaga

CoCo said, "I'm sorry that I didn't reply sooner!"

~snicker!~ You made me giggle, Smartie Pants! *wiNk*

BabaYaga

What? You people have no thoughts on this? C'mon... being raised defensively had no effect?

compound complex

I "could rationalize anything." I think that comes from having to have SOLID, ABSOLUTE, DEFEND-ABLE answers for everything, no matter how illogical they seem.

Yes, Baba. True enough.

With Bible in hand and Jehovah backing his fearless, sword-wielding servant, you were invincible. Might I add, never wrong! That dogged perspective wreaks havoc in relationships, particularly where the more dominant and voluble person can lovingly beat you to death with his Bible ... "I know this hurts, but it's for your own good!"

CoCo

BabaYaga

So true, Dear CoCo. That is exactly the way I feel it happens... but it took me so many years to realize it in myself. I had a lot of apologies to make by that time. Hugs to you!

serendipity

I had a hard time apologizing as well. I always thought it was because I was an abused child and if I admitted to doing anything wrong, I would get beat. As I got older, I thought that intelligence was one of my few gifts and that I couldn't admit to doing anything wrong because it would make me look *gasp* stupid. Maybe there's more to my story. Thanks for giving me another reason. ;-) I think if you believe you have the truth, have all the answers to life's questions, you believe in supporting principles (except for the principle of LOVE), then, yes, you might have a hard time apologizing.

BabaYaga

Dear Serendipity... I'm sure being abused had a great deal to do with it too, and I'm so sorry you had that experience.

It really is a complicated thing isn't it, saying one is sorry? Seems like such a simple thing but so much is riding on it and under it.

Hugs and strength and healing to all of us!
Love,
Baba.

White Dove

Dear Chicken Legs,

I have always been able to say I'm sorry, even when the other person was a complete BITCH/BASTARD

In other words, I was/am a doormat who lacks enough self-esteem to tell the other person to FK OFF!

I know, it's pathetic.

tijkmo

In other words, I was/am a doormat who lacks enough self-esteem to tell the other person to FK OFF!

or just a nice person who knows that in most things it is rare for a single person to be completely to blame..and therefore it is better to apologize and then move on.

like me...i ain't no doormat...i just know that it takes a big man to say sorry when he is not wrong...and i am that big....

with friends it often led to them admitting they were wrong too.

with workmates ...well you still gotta work together...but nothing else

with idiots..who cares what they think of you.

The Fine Art of Saying "I'm Sorry".

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