Living with a J.W.

speckles

I am mature adult and have been living with a J.W. for the past 3.5 years. When we meet he was not practicing has not practice for some few years. However I was and still am a practicing Christian. He attended church service with me many of times. We have discussed marriage but with his baggage of debt it is not a good idea to get married now, until we can get some of his bills paid for.

The question is we recently moved to the nw corner of Arkansas about 3 months ago and he has started going to the Kingdom Hall. This is the first time since we have been together. His whole attitude, and personality has changed. He was trying to get re-instated and however has been disfellowship. The man he was working with was also a memeber of the Kingdom Hall and has given my boyfriend a 2 week notice before he lays him off b/c of his disfellowship.

I am fortunate enough that my job 3 weeks ago took me out of Arkansas and has re-located me 4 states away for 13 weeks. Talking to my boyfriend on the phone last night he is still going off the deep end, and somehow blaming me for his situation that he is in and that we must get married before we can be together again.

He knows under no circumstance will I change my faith or belief. I know the advise is to run, I guess I just need support from people who have been there. I am not ready to leave yet. We had a wonderful 3.5 years together. But I should, he is really disrespectful to my religion and puts it down horribly. However I allow him to practice the way he wants, Because in the end its between him and his maker.

snowbird

Welcome to JWD.

You'll find many here who have listening ears.

Sylvia

llbh

Hi Speckles

Welcome to JWD, you will i am afraid find this a hard road.

I was a jw for 20 y and left 10 y ago. the jW belief systwm is sadly mostly about control ,and irrespective ot what is said they are very disrespecful of the religion of others. If he does not respect your beliefs how will he respect you as a person ? My wife of 30 y and i are now parting because of my leaving the wts, it is sad,. Many on this site are married to people who are JW.s some make it alot do not.

The keys to succeed appear to be good communication and respect for the beliefs of each other.

I wish you well . Regards David

insearchoftruth

I am married to a gal who has many family members who are JWs and she yo-yos in and out of bible studies and has attended a couple of meetings here and there. When she is 'dubbed up' she is a totally different person than she normally is. I would be open to her being of almost any faith that is truly respectful of people, but the jws are very against any other religion. I have told her that really bothers me and when she is in the cult mode, she gets very defensive.

It is a dangerous organization and I have been working for about 2 years (not as hard as I should be) to extract her from the fringes of the org.....not as easily done as said!

But you have come to the right place, lots of great people and post any question or concern you may have...

LockedChaos

Welcome

Many listening ears here for you

This is a tough spot your in

There are many things that you need to understand

about what is going on with your friend

Start talking to us

Start asking questions

Do what we can

Amha·aret

Let me check to see if I have this straight - You've been living together (unmarried) for the last couple of years. Now he's got a sudden pang of "conscience" and wants to get married so that he can get reinstated but in doing so you'll inherit all his debt? It seems as though he's wanting to have the appearance of clean living (no offence, its just that 2 people in a relationship cohabiting is seen as "unclean" in JW eyes) and is being a bit selfish in the process.

Why does he want to go back to it? Does he really believe it? Seems unlikely if he saw nothing wrong with living with you all this time.

Perhaps you could get him to read "Crisis of Conscience" by Ray Franz or join this group. Tell him you're open to him choosing his own way forward but that its important to see the other side too.
There's so many things that the JWs have gotten completely wrong. He may well be going back out of guilt and fear because on some level he still believes in it. Maybe if you can show him that they are not speaking truth he'll give up on the idea of getting back in to it.

Just some thoughts....

Amha·aret

Isn't firing someone for being DF'd unfair dismissal or something? Seems pretty extreme to me.
I know of several instances where a witness employee who gets DF'd stays working for a JW employer. In one case, the business was co-owned by 2 JWs one of whom got DF'd. They had to interact for their livelihood.

jgnat

it is not a good idea to get married now, until we can get some of his bills paid for

I read: He is immature, you are a caretaker.

and somehow blaming me for his situation that he is in

I read: He is immature, you are the caretaker.

that we must get married before we can be together again

Well, that I would go along with. Both of you are living contrary to your beliefs at the moment. Do you have to go back to Arkansas? I think he needs to find a job, pay off his bills, and give you a proper proposal before you live with him again. If he stays with the Witnesses, that is unlikely. Their agenda is for him to work on reinstatement and dump you. That could take months or years. Bills won't be a priority because "armageddon is right around the corner".

Though I do carry my JW husband quite a bit, he is at least sensible enough to let me take care of our future. He also doesn't blame me for his troubles.

AudeSapere

It sounds like your relationship has irrevocably changed.

The borg mentality has surfaced. With all the insults and accusations heaped on you (many MANY jw men blame the women in their lives for their personal failures) and the pending assumption of his debt, really seems like a good opportunity to leave. Your life will likely be happier and less complicated if you take this as a clear signal to move on.

From what little you have posted (not a criticism) I don't see what you are trying to hold on to. He doesn't sound like a very loving, supportive life partner to me. While he may have acted lovingly in the past, when the going got tough (disfellowshipping) - YOU were the first one he blamed.

Not cool.

Best wishes for clear-headed and honest-hearted decision making.

-Aude.

Hortensia

Hi, nice to have you here. I don't have any advice for you except to say don't make ANY major decisions right now. He has to work through his problems, no point in you getting married and making things worse. Let him work through the JW thing, and take care of his debts. Meanwhile, you make some money, save some money and give him some distance.

Living with a J.W.

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