Situations like these above makes what Danny Haszard does seem very noble. He is focused on exposing the JW religion for exactly what it is, a destructive cult that destroys families again and again and again.
I have tried (and continue trying) to live my life in a much more positive manner however, apart from anti-JW activism. Which I have already done for almost two years after leaving. Realizing that most JW's are mere victims that are trapped, but are trained to ignore anything critical of WT-world, labeling it all as apostate, and thus I've been moving on to live my life in as positive a way as I possibly can without WT Society involvement or bashing/exposing.
But there are so many stories just like this that make me wonder if I should be more involved again. We have our own situation (just like the stories above) as well. My stepson (my wife's 23 year old biological son--who I've raised since he was six), also shuns us both. No grand kid for us either. He is super cute at just two years old. At least the pictures we've seen on his myspace (before he realized we were looking at it and thus deleted his account). He also sent his sister an e-mail stating that she (his mother) was dead to him. That really sucked to read. No calls, no letters, no nothing. We are cut out. And what is our crime? We have done nothing wrong.
Just minutes ago my wife saw a disfellowshipped JW kid (now 25 years old) at the supermarket. He told her he is about to get re-instated. Not because he believes it all or wants to become a Witness, but because he wants his family in his life. He is 25 and also married with his own kid. His parents rarely see his kid because HE has been DF'd. He said, "why take it out on my kid then?". But that is what JW's often do. Now his wife studies twice a week and also considering baptism. He is about to enter the point of no return if she goes under the water. It can quickly become a total trainwreck for him.
This is why at feel more compelled to set up ana outreach program to help folks just like this. This kid does not know any of the things that we know. He just wants his family. If he was truly educated, and knew about places like the JWD, or If there was some local place to go (such as an outreach kind of program) it could make all the difference in the world to somebody like this. And who knows how many other people feel the same but have already just folded under the pressure. He told my wife he is having serious doubts about getting reinstated and feels the pressure of meetings, pressure to remove his tattoos and much more. His own words.
We just heard last week that another elder's only-child son, who's been disfellowshipped for many years, was just reinstated. It was a bit of a surprise too. For he wanted nothing to do with being a JW and said just that many times. But then we heard he was brutally beaten with a lead pipe and spent a long time in the hospital. You can just see the parents jumping all over that. "Come home son, we will take care of you, the world is rotten... BUT, YOU MUST SERVE JEHOVAH, GO TO ALL MEETINGS, GIVE UP YOUR LIFE AND FRIENDS AND BELIEVE AND DO ALL THE GOVERNING BODY TELLS YOU."
I could see why he'd just cave in as do many. I made my own son do the same once before I eventually left. Mother committed suicide, he was suicidal, drug dependency, and tore the ACL in his knee... all at the same time. Sure son, come back home. Let us take care of you....the world is rotten... just one thing though son.... YOU MUST SERVE JEHOVAH, GO TO ALL MEETINGS, GIVE UP YOUR LIFE AND FRIENDS AND BELIEVE AND DO ALL THE GOVERNING BODY TELLS YOU."
Parents with JW Adult Children Shunning Them - How Are You Coping ?
by flipper 37 Replies latest jw friends
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Vinny
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laissezfaire
It has only been 6 months since my son as offically abandon me and my husband( we have been out 2 1/2 years) but I can tell you it is the hardest thing we have gone thru yet. I can lose
all my "friends",I don't care if any of them ever acknowledge my existence again but my son that is sometimes too much to bare. He moved recently moved away to get needed medical
treatment back in January because is wife was deathly sick we thought maybe this would change her heart and his too but it seemed to toughen them even more towards us. My daughter
recieved an email from him and his wife saying we were dead to them and that if she continued to update us about them then they would have to discontinue their relationship with her
because she obivously made her choice to love us and not them and the org. Needless to say she chose reasonableness and since then has not talked to either of them. She and her
other brother( who are both out) are so mad at him for his ignorance that they really dont' want to deal with him at all. My husband and I on the other had keep trying to reach him. We leave
messages telling him to reason with us that we love him and that we will always be here for him. After one such message I got a call from his wife saying why don't you leave him alone you
have two other children why dont' you just focus on them and stop whining about her husband and just move on. Then she proceeds to tell me how wonderful he is doing since he has
married her, he is commenting more at the meetings, reading is bible everyday and going out in service regularly and loves his son so much. It amazes me how truly unloving they are and
yet they go and promote "truth" and love and compassion at the door of strangers and can't even begin to show it to their own family.
I wish I had an answer for myself and how to deal with this let alone anyone else who is dealing with it. the only thing I can do for now is to really try to focus on the now and what I can
influence and enjoy today. Somedays are better then others but the times are getting easier to deal with overall but I will always hope and pray that my son will come back into my life as
well as my 2 1/2 year old grandson that I never really got to know.
My best to anyone dealing with this and just remember we are not alone in this pain.
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sammielee24
I don't allow myself to sit and think about it. I wonder how my kids are doing - I have never met my son's wife and will never see my first grandchild due in the fall - unless something happens and they get out. I can't allow myself to dwell on their lives though so I don't. I was extremely close to my son but he has refused to speak to me for the past 5 years. He threatened to cut ties with my mother, his grandmother, if she spoke to me about him and as a devout JW, she honors his wishes. She would rather be with her JW grandson than attempt any relationship with her disfellowshipped son. That's the way it is. My two daughters are 30 and 28 years old and I have not spoken to either of them in 5 years. I sent one card to my daughter and she returned it back to me with a note that she would not receive a card from 'one such as you'. The other daughter informed me that if she could change her name she would and basically she hopes I die physically because I'm already dead to her. I have to accept that I raised them as I was expected to - staunch JW's....and nothing I can wish for will change that. Only time or perhaps circumstance will - sam.
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jam
i HAVE BEEN OUT SINCE 1987. Four kids . Two still in. Two boys and two girls, the two girls in. It ,s understandably that the girls are still in. Over the years the boys mother tried shunning them, but we went on with our lives, the boys and I. As time past she started to communicate with them. My youngest was never baptize, my elder son was but never disfellowship.My youngest daughter stay in commmunication with me, but my oldest a different story. She have two kids. One is around 10yrs. old, I seen her twice, the youngest 5yrs. old , I have never seen. My kids think that it is not the org. so much with my daughter but the divorce. She recently told my son , she still blame me for the failures in her life. She is 40yrs. old. I figure as she experience life, and realize everything is not just black and white, then she might come too her senses. I have told the kids when I die my will is made out for three, she do not need any of my evil money.My son told me my daughter needs mental help.
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Wordly Andre
honor thy father and mother (unless they go against the ORG.)
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dawg
All this is interesting... and sad...
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laissezfaire
We thought of cutting out our son who is shunning us but instead ( with half humor and half serious intentions) we thought this instead leave him a third of what we have but he has to read
Crisis of Conscience and or Christan Freedom. Have a lawyer oversee that is done by asking him some key questions if he answers to our written specifications then he can have his
share. But if not I'll leave him my 2 cents worth literally 2 cents and a note saying have a nice life in the box! I go from being so sad to so angry with him it is amazing to me. You love your
children but when they won't even begin to try to understand your point of view the one who raised him for gods sake that I have to ask my self why do I keep banging my head against the
wall! It hurts but I have to remind my self once in awhile I am not my son. I am complete without him he can complement my life but he is not my life. That was a real sobering moment for
me when I realised that. I don't own him and dont' want to I just want to love him and be a part of his life. If he can not see that I can not make him. Life does go on and there are people
who care.
I can't wait to live my life because of him. But as long as I can I will leave a message once in awhile on his phone telling him I love him and miss him.
I will always love him and will always have my door open to him.
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AndersonsInfo
We have not seen our son since 2002. I was disfellowshipped because of being on the NBC Dateline program in 2002, and since Joe sided with me, he was shortly thereafter disfellowshipped. Our grandson was then three and we haven’t seen him since. He’s going to be nine in September. We saw a photo of him two years ago and he’s a beautiful child. We were hopeful that someday our son, Lance, and daughter-in-law, Wendy, would come to their senses, but they have only become more hardened towards us after I appeared on NBC Nightly News last November. We expect that we will never see them again (and that’s not an easy thing to think about nor write about).
We certainly understand that our son is humiliated because his parents are notorious “apostates.” He was in Bethel sixteen years and has a huge circle of friends in and out of Bethel, so to be our son is an embarrassment to him. He married into a large well-known JW family in Northern Indiana and Michigan. In fact, our daughter-in-law’s brother, James Bryant, works in the Service Department at Patterson.
Our son is an only child. By marrying into the Bryant family, he gained a large family. His wife has four sisters, three were in Bethel and married Bethelites. They are now out of Bethel and the men continue to be elders. Also, Wendy has many male cousins who are elders, so our son, Lance, has found a Witness niche which he is happy to be part of.
We think and talk about our son and his family often. Although it was difficult the first few years to know that our son chose the Watchtower over us, we have come to terms with it. It helps to think of the good times we all had together and we try not to dwell on the negatives. We, like others in our same situation, believe it is our son’s loss that he decided to stay with Watchtower even though before we left the organization, he thought we were wonderful parents. See August 8, 1993 Awake!, page 31. He does not answer our phone calls, and, in the past, sent back any letters or gifts we sent.We have disinherited our son, although we know he doesn’t care. He firmly believes Armageddon is very, very near so he has said he doesn’t need to worry about the future. Our grandchild will receive, at our deaths, his great-grandfather’s coin collection worth about a thousand dollars.
There are no words to express how sorry we are that we brought up our son in this deceptive religion, but, of course, can’t go back and undo it so we don’t “cry over spilled milk.” We are moving forward and enjoying our lives. In fact, we both just came back from a long motorcycle ride in beautiful Tennessee. Actually, we love our life out of the Watchtower. It’s great having the time and freedom to make new friends, read new books, think new thoughts, and see new sights. However, as long as we’re alive we’ll continue to expose the Watchtower for the destructive cult that it is.
Barbara -
jam
let say in two years they abolish the shunning policy. Our children and other relatives come too us and
state, we can talk to you now, New light. We have a new understanding. So after 5, 10 , 20 years we can go on like nothing has happen. For me there,s too much damage.
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jehovahsheep
i think if you keep strong and steadfast -in time the wts will crumble and they will have someone to run to..