Best JW tall story/variations of it?

by KW13 28 Replies latest jw friends

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  witnessgirl

  Two missionary brothers in the Australian outback hit a kangaroo in their 4x4, and stopped, nursed it back to health and put a WT in the kangaroos pouch. 6 months later the same 2 brothers found an aborigine tribe that had that WT and had set up a religion around the things in the WT.

  Discounting the question of exactly how much doctrine could be gleaned from a single issue, this one has still been bothering me for days. I think that someone took the cartoon course in kangaroo parenting. Honestly, even if you would thrust magazines into an animal's uterus, would you really expect someone else to reach in there and pull them out? And for the magazines to still be readable afterwards? This ain't the mailbox, folks.
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  donny

  A "sister" told me she went to a Jacksons concert at Texas stadium in 1984 and when Michael sang "She's out of my life", she say an angel sitting next to him.

  A smurf doll walking out of a meeting after the elder began praying.
• 

  shamus100

  ENOUGH! You're all making me sick.... I've heard most of those stories. UUUGH.

  I remember KISS standing for Knights in Satan's Service. (ya right.... )

  Or worse, AC/DC standing for after christ devil comes.... GIVE ME A BREAK. Were these people on drugs?

  The smurf stories are that all-time favorite of all witnesses, IMO. Those demonized little fella's...
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  donny

  An elder went to call on a family experiencing demon problems. The elder stood at the front door with the Bible and yelled at the top of his voice, "In the name of Jehovah I command you to leave this house and never return." At that all the books in the house began flying off the shelves. Books flying off shelves. Always books flying off shelves for some reason. Demons just love to knock books off shelves. Then the door flew open and came off its hinges, screen flapping and such. It was the demons leaving the house without closing the door, uncooth bastards.

  Why could I have not experienced any of these exciting moments? All I got to experience was my ex-wife hearing demons talk to her.
• 

  amama2six

  Here's one.
  
  Two Jehovah's Witness brothers go up to some lady's house while out in field service. Her Chihuahua is out in the fenced-in yard...barking up a storm and nipping at their heels as they wait at the door. Finally, one of the brothers gets fed up with it and kicks it...immediately causing it's death. An "Oh no!" moment, and the brother stuffs the dog in his briefcase just before the owner answers the door. They go on to give their presentation (I believe she turns them away but asks if they've seen her dog, which they lie about), then leave and stuff poor little poochie in someone's trashcan down the street. Hahahaha...no kidding, this was really a story going around about 15-20 years ago! Moral of the story? Don't kick people's small dogs in field service, no matter how irritating they may be. :P :D
• 

  StoneWall

  OMG Amama
  
  I know the two brothers that happened to. It really happened and they panicked and shoved it into their bookbag. I live in the territory right now that it happened in.
  We were laughing about this just a few weeks ago over on the lake when some of my friends brought it up. It was just a little over 20 years ago cause my friend that was with the elder at the door was 20 something then and he is 44 yrs old now. That is so wild that you heard about it all way up in Va. I will have to tell him about this. He will get a kick out of it. (hopefully not a kick like they gave the dog, but a funny kick)
  
  StoneWall
• 

  StoneWall

  Not feeling it,
  
  Unless this happened to some others (which I guess ain't out of the realm of possiblity but which I find highly unlikely) and the CO was referencing the call that happened down here then he got some of his facts wrong.
  The householder did not get baptised and to my knowledge never became even a return visit. But she did ask them if they had seen her dog.
  A part of me to this day believes she knew they had did something to her dog and was giving them a chance to see if they would be truthful. The subject was quickly changed without directly lying to the woman. I guess you can call it Theocratic Warfare(thinking she was not entitled to the knowledge about her dog).
  The kick was not meant to kill the dog just to get it to leave them alone because it was biting at them just above the shoe height since it was such a small dog.
  The other brother and sister in the car group saw him reach down and pick something up but thought it was just were he might had dropped either his bible or some publications and was putting them back in his bookbag.
  But he actually was picking the dog up and stuffing it in his case. It was talked about for the longest time down here in field service by the ones who knew what had happened. I personally wasn't in the car group but heard about it from my best friend who was at the door when it happened. And I am not joking at all about this.
• 

  amama2six

  Well, true or not I never kicked any little dogs while out in the field, especially after hearing that...hehehe.
  
  I wish I could remember more stories...there were so many! A lot of the ones already mentioned here I've heard before, it's crazy how far information travels in the organization. :D
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  Fadeout

  KW13: Oh and the other, Celine Dione doing a Kingdom Melody...haha, as if any of those songs are remotely in tune apart from the ones they stole from Childrens Films and such

  treadnH20: I heard the MP3 of Celine Dion performing the Kingdom song. The performance was excellent. I have heard conflicting reports from VERY reliable sources as to whether or not it was really her.

  Folks, this is 100%... it is NOT Celine, it's a sister from Vegas who is a pro singer, I won't share her name but yes she does sound a little like Celine and she is freaking awesome... the Kingdom melody didn't show off her voice at all. The Society flew her out to New York to record some tracks, apparently they cancelled the project (because it sounded too worldly?), but it leaked out and the Society made a statement saying they do not approve of members having the recording, which also features George Benson. So it was professionally produced by pro musicians and engineers at the Society's direction, only to be shelved by the Society immediately. Really don't know why for sure.

  No word on what it says if you play it backwards.