I was going to post this in the thread about what one comment helped you see the light but it became a bit too long and I thought the subject might be interesting in it's own right.
I've been hanging around for a while feeling like I should tell my story and this thread has caught me at a good time.
I was born in to the religion, baptized at 15, reproved at 17, married at 22, ministerial servant at 25. I'd had questions in my late teens and twenties but I convinced myself that I loved Jehovah and wanted to stay and so I squashed those feelings. I was trying to do the right thing all along and was progressing ok except for one thing.
Over time I had trouble controlling my temper and my marriage was coming under more and more pressure but to the witnesses in the cong. everything looked great. I did all the "right" things to try and fix it. First I tried reading the Family book and appropriate WT articles, praying and meditating. When that didn't work I looked for help from an elder who was a friend and who I trusted. He would come over with printouts from the CDrom and we'd all talk and have a pray. Things would be lovely for about a week and then things would blow up again. I got stuck in a cycle of guilt. To really simplify things, my thoughts went something like "I'm doing the right things. I'm praying for help, I'm getting advice from the elders. It must be me!" My anger just fed on the guilt and things got worse not better.
Did you ever have a row on a meeting night and feel like you just didn't want to go and put on a happy face? Every time I squashed that feeling and went anyway, feeling like a hypocrite every time. Well one Tuesday, my wife and I had a row and this time it was different. I didn't want to go and, for the first time, I didn't. A couple of days ago I had ordered Dr. Phil's "Relationship Rescue" but hadn't opened it yet. I sat down (my wife was still angry, and had gone to the meeting anyway) and started to read. It was like a "Saul on the road to Damascus" moment. The scales fell from my eyes and I got it. I actually got it! Within minutes of starting to read the book I understood why I was doing what I was doing and started to work to fix it. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
This all made me start to question what I'd been taught all my life. I needed time to get my head around everything. Was it the instruction and advice I had been given that had failed me or had I failed to apply it? I couldn't prove it but my gut was screaming that it was the WT teachings that had screwed me and my marriage. It was tough at this time as my wife still believed everything and kept asking "Can't you do Dr. Phil and still come to the meetings?" Of course she was delighted that my personality was improving, but she didn't want that to be at the cost of me coming to the meetings. This was so hard because I couldn't prove a damn thing but for once in my life I listened to the voice inside. My wife was understanding of my need to take time out to focus on our marriage, but as time went on she got more and more eager for me to return.
I came back to the odd Sunday meeting to dip my toe in the water again. Maybe it was me at fault after all. The first meeting I went to again was at a neighbouring congregation. The study article was about God's mercy. An example was given of how merciful it was of God to let David and Bathseeba live after their adulterous union. I was a bit bored so I thought I'd read the entire chapter of Samuel from which the account was taken. I got to the bit where it said that "God struck a blow to" David's child so that it died after seven days and my blood started to boil. How could a loving God kill an innocent child? I could find no satisfying answer from any source and all the old feelings and questions that I had buried in my early twenties came back and this time I would not be fobbed off with half baked replies.
There's more to all this but this post is already too long. I'll try and add more to the story when I get the time. I guess the gist of it is that reading Dr. Phil opened my eyes and I could see that the WT teachings do not work.