by BonaFide 48 Replies latest jw friends
I was a circuit overseer for 7 years, then came back to U.S., served as an elder. I recently moved congregations and have not been recommended yet as an elder, although I give parts and participate in shepherding.
The Witness thing is just so burned into me that I automatically go in service and study for the meetings and stuff. Its hard to see it as fake when everyone around you is doing the same thing.
Bonafide
you know something bonafide-if your happy in your religion-why leave?i dont think that any religious group has all the truth.i beleive the truth will be known after christ returns.
Woops...hit the wrong button...
Thanks for sharing your perspective. Your statement, "Thousand people sitting there and all of them applauding and taking notes. Meanwhile I am looking around like I am from another planet" reminded me of a time when I was attending a day-long meeting for elders and ministerial servants. I don't remember what initiated a feeling, but I do remember suddenly feeling out of place and thinking, "I really don't belong here." At the time, I had no doubts about my childhood faith, but just a sense that I didn't belong in that environment....it wasn't until after I was d'fd (for sex) that I began to research and understand the truth about the JWs.
Anyway, I'm glad you're on the road to understanding the truth about the JWs any any other organization (religious or otherwise) that promotes irrational thought.
Best,
NYCkid
BonaFide-
Your feelings remind me of my own. A few months ago, I went back to meeting to see friends and while they were singing I had a feeling of complete isolation. They were singing words that I had sung hundreds, maybe thousands of times, but this time, I was reading the words first. And the words to the songs are (besides being rythmically and melodically atrocious) judgemental, rejoicing in destruction, narrow minded, and focused on giving glory to the organization. I was so digusted that I could not sing. I felt like a man who could see at a convention of the blind (no offense to the visually impaired). In a world where I had been at the center, I all at once felt like a stranger. But I kept up appearances.
The control mechanisms of the Borg are no trifle.
Keep looking and you will find.
Lrkr.
The Witness thing is just so burned into me that I automatically go in service and study for the meetings and stuff. Its hard to see it as fake when everyone around you is doing the same thing.
There is a season for all things........stop reaching out and take a break.
Take time to decide what you wanna do and where you wanna go.
Take a spiritual sabbatical year off.....read the bible without WTS aids and figure out your personal beliefs.
Maybe go backpacking across Europe, Australia, or other areas of the world.
Consider if you wanna get married and start a family?
Your at an age you can do so without raising to many eyebrows.......
BonaFide,
Welcome. I am sorry to hear about your experience about the AED. It is like talking to a brick wall after a while.
I went to my last DC a few years ago as an MS. I only attended 1 day and spent the other 2 browsing at a book store allowing myself to read all those things that were considered taboo. Trust me, it gets better.
Enjoy the board, and welcome to the real world.
I don't mean to insult your family or friends, but when they said "and the best place to die is the assembly." did you keep a straight face when they said that or did you laugh? Any time I see or hear someone hitting a child I say, "IT IS NEVER CORRECT TO HIT A CHILD. NEVER. IF YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO FIND A BETTER WAY TO DEAL WITH A CHILD'S ACTIONS, THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE A PARENT. and then I usually punch the stupid f...cking parent in the face and say "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?" Maybe I should go to one of these conventions so I can scope out the child abusers and give a good beat down to the dumb parents dishing it out.
Bonafide,
I enjoyed your post, and I really feel for you. Some of your conversations with your family just sound eerily familiar, though I guess they shouldnt. After all, thats why they call it programming/brain washing.
I was an MS and Reg Pio for years, and was appointed when I was 18. I had an incredible amount of priviledges and did anything and everything I could for the organization.
After suppressing doubts for years, I remember suddenly feeling the same way you say you felt. All of a sudden I looked around and said, "where the hell am I and what am I doing?????" Once I realized it was about control, everything from the songs, to the outlines, to the experiences....everything, I couldnt ignore it anymore. I had to get away...
I saw you said you were a CO for seven years. When did you start having doubts? Were you still a CO? (sorry if you said that earlier, I may have missed it...)
Anyway, you are definitely not alone here. Welcome to Earth...
