Hello all

by peace 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • peace

    Hello all i am new and have been checking this site out for a few weeks and find it informative as well as supportive. I look forward to getting to know all of you better. I have a problem that i hope i can get some help with. I have been DF for over ten years left when i was a teen. I have little to no contact with my family who are all still strong in the faith. My problem is that i have three kids who have very little contact with any one from my side of the family. My eldest daughter who is seven is starting to ask questions like why we never go to see her grandparents, aunts and uncles and why they don`t come to see us. She is very sensitive and has asked me if the reason my family dosent want to come around us is because of her. I immediatly told her no but i am having trouble explaining the situation to a seven year old. I still live fairly close to many of my family members and bump into them occasionally at stores as well as other public places. They always make a point of saying hi to me and my kids (even though they will never phone us or talk to us normally) On these brief encounters my daughter gets so upset she wants to get to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins but she cant. I feel so bad for her and i don`t want her to feel that it has anything to do with her. So my question is how can i explain the whole Ex Jw situation to her in an age approipate way and how can i make her feel better about herself and the situation? I would appreciate any suggestions that you have Thanks.

  • asilentone

    Welcome to the board! I am pretty sure that others will give you some pretty good advices.

  • Hope4Others

    Could you not arrange for your daughters to be dropped off at gramma's for a couple of hours here and there.


  • garybuss

    I wouldn't let my kids within 100 miles of a Witness . . . especially a Witness relative. I did and it was a huge mistake.

    My first mistake was marrying a Witness woman. My second mistake was not protecting our children from the environment my stupidity put them in. In my life, Witness relatives are the enemy.

    If you value your family, stay way away from the Witnesses.

  • Gopher

    Hi PEACE, and welcome to the forum! We're glad to have you here.

    Your seven-year-old daughter sounds like such a precious little girl! That's a great age, and I found with my older daughter that I could start have interesting conversations at that age. They're so inquisitive about so many things.

    Uhfortunately that leads us to your extended JW family. There is no perfect answer, and it's so upsetting how this religion breaks famiilies apart. Maybe you could explain that her grandparents believe that the church is their family, and that only people that belong to the church can really be family. Of course, this isn't right -- but we cannot change grandpa and grandma's mind about this. (Just a thought, I expect others to improve on this.)

    As she gets older, she'll come to understand this more and accept it. (I've seen this happen with my nephew and niece, now teenagers. They expect nothing of their JW grandparents.)

    I'd steer clear of allowing visits, as inevitably this will lead to indoctrination attempts by the JW relatives (in spite of any assurances they'd give you otherwise -- spiritual warfare, you know).

  • oompa

    ya...welcome and let them get together....with or without you....but try to get some family to find the balance...you could move back home for a few days...then you would be ok family to speak to...haha............oompa

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    Hi and welcome to the board.

    My eldest daughter who is seven is starting to ask questions like why we never go to see her grandparents, aunts and uncles and why they don`t come to see us.

    Which did you think would be harder to explain this question or the birds and the bee's.

    Seriously I have a belief that if a child can ask a question he/she is ready for the answer. Of course you would adjust it to her needs and understanding. Explain to her in simple terms the nature of the group that your reletives are affiliated with and the strong control that the group influences upon them. Make sure that she understads it has nothing to do with her its the control group that dictates your reletives action.

    Just give her this information piecemeal, as she grows in understanding and reasoning ability, you may need to add more information as she begans to better understand such a concept as a high control group. This is just my humble opinion.

  • Satanus

    Don't let her be w those cultists if you aren't there, in the same room, within earshot. The wt fear disease can be passed onto kids very easily. Your daughter sounds to be a little underconfident, which is normal, i suppose. In that state, fear of armageddon, or other wt fears could infect her in just a few short minutes.

    You should be the one to explain everything to her before she even sees her relatives. If you leave her w them without doing that first, then you deserve whatever problems that your daughter gets into. Coming here for information is a good start in dealing w this issue.


  • LouBelle

    Hello and welcome. It's a pity that this is now defeating your kids. Best bet be honest but in a way the kids can understand. All the best.

  • DaCheech

    make sure that your children see the relatives in front of you...... never drop them off.

    these will further make you unhappy by dividing the only thing you have left....... your children

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