I've been reconnecting with all my worldly relatives. I confided in my Grandmother about how I felt. My mom told me before calling her that my Grandmother basically abandoned us because we became JWs. It was as if she was warning me or trying to get me to not want to be close to her before I called her or something.
Anyways, I told my Grandmother how I felt about things. I also told my aunt. I'm supposed to go to my cousins today. My Grandmother confided in me that she was scared half to death that one of us kids would need a blood transfusion when we were little. She said she would always fight for us. She said she felt awful that we could never be a part of anything. She also said that if I started celebrating things that my parents would find out somehow.
So, what the hell with this fade? I can never celebrate anything cause my family will find out? I'm stuck in this crap and I can't get out unless I lose my family. Maybe I will just start having family gatherings right around the holidays instead. Anyways, I decided for now to actively hang out with my worldly relatives. At least once a week hubby and I will do something with them. It will help in forming a new support system and get him to understand that worldly people can be really awesome people.
Anyways, once my family finds out I'm hanging out with them on a regular basis all hell will break loose. I'm breaking every single rule and not getting d'fed by the skin of my teeth. They will be looking for something. I'm doing to much.
Oh, well. Anyways, how is everybody today?
...OUTLAW