Hi, I'm really glad that the ADs are working for you now, they take about a month to kick in, so hopefully you'll find some stability now. I'm not a professional, I'm just another ex-JW who has been depressed, so take my opinion in that light. I was on ADs for I think nearly two years and it often felt like they weren't doing much, I often just felt 'normal', so I suppose that without them I would have been far from normal. I decided I was going to be very kind to myself and also that I'd do a lot of fun healthy stuff, because I consider fun a part of joy, which is a part of engagement, which is a part of fulfillment, which is a part of happiness. I started with having fun; I made deliberate efforts to avoid the intense which is my preference. Comedy movies only. Funny books only. Fun people only (to the extent possible). I took up skiing, did more SCUBA, bought a motorbike. I took up fun. It's possible to do that without becoming shallow.
It was the first step for me, I think I'm still only around step two. I still have to Let Go, you know, of the witness experience. That's probably years away. It is also able to jump right back into your life anytime it wants - I was getting used to the idea of my beloved siblings growing old and dying happy without me, but now my sister has some pretty bad cancer going on, and that's made everything ugly fresh again. I've gotten a prescription for ADs again, I'm going to leave it for a month or two, the time it will take to find out how the chemo is going, but I think I'll need them again for a little while.
In the meantime I'm getting back into fun - got a New Zealand holiday in a few weeks, which is frankly the greatest place on earth. I'm taking it easy on myself. I suggest you show yourself the utmost care, love and respect for some time. This bad time, it's going to be history one day. We just have to find our way through. You'll make it.
