How do you start over again when marriage ends? (page 2)

burningbridges

I by no means said that SHE was lucky, please re read, I said it was simply lucky there was no other innocent parties being dragged into it, as she herself said there was no children involved. Anyone who has divorced and gone through a a nasty custody battle knows what I mean. I apologize if that was misunderstood, but please understand that it would of course be much more traumatic for everyone involved, her included, as well as her husband, if there were children to drag through it. Obviously she is not "lucky" to go through a divorce.

burningbridges

Oh and by the way, I am one of those "adults" whos paretns divorced after thirty five years of marriage. It is by NO means any less traumatic, if anything MORE to see your parents split after an eternity of being together.

Priest73

Don't do what I did. Start Smoking again, and drinking heavily. That lead to some serious Man Ho'ing. (Not with actual men -sorry BFD)

It's been ten years, and you'll never see a ring on my finger again.

Just to toot my horn, 6 weeks smoke free yesterday Woo hoo!

All kidding aside, it was the most painful experience of my life. Having someone tell you that you're not good enough anymore... Does a number on ones self esteem

Sparkplug

Well, first you are welcomed here, then you settle in, take time for yourself. Do the things you like to do. Which after 30 years has to be a bit hard after having just left the dubs. It takes a good many years to find that self and sometimes just as grown ups we are so busy we may not have taken the time. As grown up ex-cult members...most assuredly we most likely don't have a clue.

You draw close to the loved ones you have left after the cult and slowly make new loved ones. With a name such as you have picked...I am sure meeting people cannot be too hard for you. Bubbly people rule. Just make sure you stop and have a Mojito on the way!

If finding something that interest you is hard, just go to the paper and pick anything. Even if it is a march on the capital. You never know! It might be fun!! Before you know it, you are on your way.

Hecklerboy

I'm in the process of getting divorce after 8 years of marriage. Yes it is very painful. When I first moved out I was very very lonely. I have allot of hobbies (karate, gym, mountain biking, Harley) but still at night it gets very lonely. I'm just now starting to adjust to it and I'm starting to be happy again. People told me not to get into a relationship right away. I almost did and I'm sorta glad it didn't work out. I know now that it would have been a very bad thing. I need to get my head on straight and pay attention to myself before I can pay attention to someone else.

Staying busy really helps. I've been hitting the gym 2 nights a week and karate 2 night a week. So that keeps me pretty busy. Sitting around thinking about everything that happened just bring you down more.

I hope everything works out for you and remember that we are always here to talk to.

snowbird

At first glance, I thought this was Bubble! talking about herself and SAB ...

Whew!

I agree totally with what FinallyFree said.

Sylvia

reneeisorym

I've been through divorce too and it's really hard. I just coped by doing things I couldn't before. I found positives to being single and had fun with friends. It is still painful but I hope you can find some positives that will help ease the pain. Rejection is just so painful.

And burning brides, your situation was lucky because you didn't have to worry that your husband was going to murder you while working through the divorce. You didn't have to worry about your kids being beaten and thrown off of a bridge. My point is that when we face a difficult situation, it is true that it could always be worse but pointing that out doesn't help our friend here who is in pain.

Bubblie

Thank you all for your comments. I am going to therapy. That has helped me get a better attitude to improve myself. He isn't interested in going with me to work it out. He has made up his mind that he doesn't have to be married anymore. This is his choice. I will have to live with this & move on. I have been thinking about relocating to where my family lives. They are in a place I have never wanted to live but I will go check it out. They aren't witnesses but are non-judgemental Baptists . They have offered me companionship. I have told my older sister that I probably would not be attending church anytime soon. She is so happy I left the dubs she doesn't care. She could use help with my mother who is 86 with the beginnings of Alzeheimer's. I have a nephew who is in the music business who I have more in common than anyone. He is in his forties & would love to get to know me better. I have had little contact with all these lovely people because of being wrapped up with the Borg for so long. I was in for over 30 years (we had gotten married then started a study.) I have been reading on here for three years but didn't post until now. Guess I didn't have anything to say until now. Thanks again for the feedback.

Quirky1

Welcome to JWD bubblie!

I was going to suggest therapy but I see you are doing that.

I've been wondering the same thing as you, not that I am divorced yet, but it seems to be heading that way.

There is a lot of good advice here and you will probably get more.

Good Luck!

Also Priest, congratulations on the 6 weeks no puffs.

Dagney

(((((((Bubblie))))))))

How do you start over again when marriage ends?

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