time to leave after 42 yrs of marriage

by tiffy0212 23 Replies latest social family

  • tiffy0212
    tiffy0212

    Married 42 yrs and ready to leave. My husband is a jw and has been for 38 yrs. I even joined from 1974 to 1985 to keep my family together. When my daughter no longer wanted to attend trouble started. She had no friends at the hall and was told the only friend she needed was Jehovah and Jesus. I would sneek her out to go to dances at school and to be with her friends. When hubby found out he was angry with her wouldn't talk to her and finally he just packed up and left. He took all money out of my name and I had to go on welfare. He was a ELDER in the congregation, but was soon removed by the circuit overseer. I still attended meetings with my son. We were studying the Family book and at the study he answered a question stating "If your wife has wants she better want less" I wanted to die at the end of the meeting they let him pray, during the prayer I grabbed my son and walked out never to return. I did file for seperation, because you know Jehovah hates divorce. Then this man filed for custody of the kids, so I dropped the case due to lack of money.

    After 9 months he did return and I guess I fogave him, but never returned to the hall. I got myself a job as a operations manager of a chemical co. and worked for 20 yrs. Both of my children are married and are very happy. I have 2 grandchildren. None attend meeting.

    My husband has retired now and all of his time is spent attending meeting and being a slave for any job that needs to be done. We do nothing together. I get a one week vacation of his choice and out on our anniversary. A few months ago the elders called and wanted to know how I was doing. 21 years after the fact. I told them I would never go back to the hell my husband created for me and my children. I am not disfellowshipped, but I told them if they wanted to disassociate me go ahead. They said they couldn't because I was not at fault. That is the only truth I have ever heard. I realize that there is nothing in the Bible that says I give up my life for him to have everlasting life. I cook clean wash and yes iron all those shirt for the meetings. I need my own life. I have to wait until Feb to leave because I will get my Social Security. I have no idea what is in the bank because I have to be content with sustenance and covering. It took him 18 yrs to put my name on the savings, but don't know what is in there. I keep a file on all he has done. He knows I want to leave but says I will be his wife to time indefinite. Sick man. I told him Jehovah is going to destroy me, and I want my husband to be able to watch.

    What a wasted life I have had. If there is anyone out there that is not a witness, don't get involved in any relationships with jw's it will ruin you life. If anyone has any imput for me, I need all the help I can get.

  • sacolton
    sacolton

    Care to elaborate?

  • What-A-Coincidence
    What-A-Coincidence

    Guess not. Hope everything works well for you.

  • Hope4Others
    Hope4Others

    That's a long time to be married, but what you said on the other thread today I see where you are coming from...

    Good Luck & Best wishes!

    Hope4others

    p.s. edited to add:

    It took him 18 yrs to put my name on the savings, but don't know what is in there. I keep a file on all he has done

    Go to the bank and ask bring ID, if your name is on the account find out what is in there....you may want to withdraw /transfer some before he takes you off it.

  • Casper
    Casper
    He knows I want to leave but says I will be his wife to time indefinite. Sick man. I told him Jehovah is going to destroy me, and I want my husband to be able to watch.

    Wow, that's intense...


    Sounds like you are ready to move on and take control of your life. Make some plans and build up any money you can tuck away.

    We are here for you anytime you need to talk or vent.

    Sending supportive thoughts your way...

    Cas

  • Dagney
    Dagney

    Wow! So sorry for your troubles.

    I would make a list of important questions and ask around for recomendations for a excellent divorce attorney. Buy an hour of their time and find out everything you need to know.

    Sending you positive thoughts...

  • nvrgnbk
    nvrgnbk

    Sucks.

    I'm really sorry.

    May you find great happiness as you begin your new life.

  • wings
    wings

    Welcome!

    Sounds to me like you are oppressed in your relationship. 42 years is a long time. Only thing I can say is try to separate the JW thing from the other issues.

    You don't have to be alone in this. Can you reach out to friends or family? If you care to share more, there are many here who can help.

    wings

  • amicus
    amicus

    Life is good.

    One constant in mankinds history is that people will go to extraordinary lengths to be free. Freedom in a wasteland is better than servitude in a paradise...to some. Leave that bondage. Take whatever wealth you are comfortable leaving with and get the hell out. Go anywhere, read some books, watch some movies...go hiking, buy a house if you can and plant a garden. Go to a library, read a lot of books. Forget your brain dead husband. Slaves are slaves. Be FREE! If there really is a god, my garden attests to the fact that he would you approve of you taking some initiative and becoming a life form worthy of drawing breath.

  • carla
    carla

    If you are serious about leaving you need to plan for it. In my state everything in marriage is 50/50 find out the laws in your state. Start a putting money aside in your own name so you have access when needed, and find out where any joint accounts are and any debt that is also in your name, again in my 50/50 state all the debt is also 50/50. Get a back up plan. An attorney I know suggested gathering up every scrap of paper even if you think it insignificant and make copies of it. Do not let him find out what you are thinking of. Get a post office box if needed. Find some outside interests for yourself and develop friendships.

    Why are you still doing his laundry for the kh? That would change real quick in my house, oh wait, already did! ha, wishing you well from a fellow ubm.

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