most random scripture citation EVER

by veradico 12 Replies latest social humour

  • veradico
    veradico

    Did you ever notice, particularly in unimportant filler articles, that sometimes the writers of the Society's publications cited scriptures which had very little to do with the subject at hand? I'm not talking about the misleading use of scriptures, that is, when they would perpetrate amazing feats of eisegesis. I'm talking about when they cited scriptures just because they felt like the sentence needed to end with a citation.

    I'm visiting my JW family right now, and I noticed, resting on the kitchen table, a copy of the booklet "Study Questions for the Book _Is There a Creator Who Cares About You?_". I immediately remembered a scripture citation in the booklet that represents, for me, one of the funniest things the Society has ever printed. On page 3 of the companion question booklet, it reads: "Why can we say that the electromagnetic force and gravity are each precisely tuned? (2 Ki. 9:33; Matt. 10:29; 13:8)".

    Does anyone remember looking those scriptures up? I do. I lol-ed. They read as follows:

    "So he said: 'Let her drop!' Then they let her drop, and some of her blood went spattering upon the wall and upon the horses; and he now trampled upon her."

    "Do not two sparrows sell for a coin of small value? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground without YOUR Father's [knowledge]."

    "Still others fell upon the fine soil and they began to yield fruit, this one a hundredfold, that one sixty, the other thirty."

    Thank Jehovah for his Channel! What would we do without the Faithful Slave!

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Dear lords that's funny!

  • anonochan
    anonochan

    Thats hilarious!

  • searchingforfriends
    searchingforfriends

    ROFL, I don't think I'v ever caught any of those, mainly cause I didn't usually read the cited scriptures.... and preparing for the meeting was more like reading the question and skimming the paragraph for the answer. They're usually pretty easy to pick out.

  • Eyes Open
    Eyes Open

    :D

    Idiots.

  • veradico
    veradico

    I remember a friend of mine saying after the bookstudy was over: "Hey, at least now we can be sure that gravity exists. It's in the Bible."

  • inkling
    inkling

    wow.

    "we know the bible must be true because it say that stuff falls when you drop it, and guess what???
    Stuff falls when you drop it!!! What remarkable foreknowledge!"

    As Douglas Adams said:

    Sir Isaac Newton, renowned inventor of the milled-edge coin and the catflap!"
    "The what?" said Richard.
    "That catflap! A device of the utmost cunning, perspicuity and invention. It is a door within a door, you see, a ..."
    "Yes," said Richard, "there was also the small matter of gravity."
    "Gravity," said Dirk with a slightly dismissed shrug, "yes, there was that as well, I suppose. Though that, of course, was merely a discovery. It was there to be discovered." ...
    "You see?" he said dropping his cigarette butt, "They even keep it on at weekends. Someone was bound to notice sooner or later. But the catflap ... ah, there is a very different matter. Invention, pure creative invention. It is a door within a door, you see."

    [inkling]

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Things drop when I let go? I must test this hypo.

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    OK, I'm back, and guess what. They were right! I held my grandmother's crystal hierloom up and let go. It dropped! 'Tis a miracle, 'tis!

  • veradico
    veradico

    White Dove, it says you took 2 minutes to perform your experiment. Don't you think that was a bit hasty? Also, it could have been a fluke. Someone should check and see if this gravity thing is repeatable. Be sure to limit the variables. Besides, even if experimentation by worldly intellectualists seems to point to the existence of so-called "gravity", a true Christian knows where to turn for reliable guidance: Jehovah's Word of Truth, as explained by his Discreet Servant.

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