Met an exJW when I was out Friday Night. His pain broke my heart.

str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up

I was out Friday night with a few of the friends I have made since leaving JWs behind, when lo and behold, it turns out that one of their boyfriends was an exJW too! I was excited at first, as I had not yet met someone who was exJW and gay in the flesh until now.

However, my excitement was shortlived. He made several comments that broke my heart. He explained that he has been disfellowshipped for 8 years now, apparently because of recreational drug use. He told me he never misses the memorial though, and that he attends the district convention every year, in order to see his family. He also went on to say to me: "but can't you see that Armageddon is coming?". I was a little stunned, as I have no faith in any of the JW teachings at all. I lost that years ago. He also went on to tell me that he struggles with depression, as he "knows" he is going to die for his sins, as he is unrepentantly gay, within the next two years (his interpretation of when Armageddon is due). When I told him I had lost all interest in JWs (which he still refers to as "the truth" (Str8? so is spaghetti grits his teeth)) he asked me how this could be possible, as I was an MS up until last August and must have been 'closer to Jehovah' than he was. It breaks my heart to think of the guilt and pain he must carry with him every day - even still now, 8 years on.

I want to help him, and I don't know how. It makes me tear up just thinking about it.

I feel well adjusted compared to this poor man, as I have shed that skin. But it is still choking him.

Any thoughts?

Gopher

That's sad. For me, after I was disfellowshipped -- it took several months for me to become an "ex-JW". It doesn't come automatically.

Within the same year I got a call from an old friend who was recently DF'd. She was still convinced the JW's had the truth and thought I'd join her in going back soon. But by then I'd made the change in my mind that she didn't, seeing that the JW's were a harmful organization to which I couldn't return.

Sadly, not all former JW's are 'ex-JWs'. Some are still JW at heart.

llbh

If you can get him to look on JWD it has many people to come to terms with themselves . In the US therapy is big why not advocate some therapy.

It does take time to heal and he needs to accept that , the wts works on guilt and control and we consequently carry this baggage with us a while after leaving

Regards david

sass_my_frass

Tough question, because you have to know a person very well to work out what would get through to them. Certainly don't be rabidly apostate, although that's very much in the eye of the beholder. Start with your own personal experience and what got your own head out of it.

lookingnow25

It's terrible that he has held on to his fear of the WT & JW's. However, if it is a genuine fear of displeasing "God" that he has you can certainly use that to help him.

He has a lot of WT thought patterns to break.
1) Ask him why he believes armageddon is so near? World events or because he is gay?
2) Empathize with his loss of family.
3) Perhaps discourage his recreational drug use if that's appropriate. Does this provide him guilt as well?
4) Encourage him to research his depression.

You can't "fix" him. But if you can help pull out just a couple of the WT bricks, the wall of guilt will crumble down.

If he is feeling a massive amount of guilt in displeasing "God" start with that first maybe. Jesus' message was one of love and compassion. The whole purpose of his being on earth was to free us from sin. His being here gave him a perspective on human struggle that truly benefits us.

Does "God" approve of homosexuality? That's not important. "God" loves all. He forgives all. We are what we are and "God" will work with that.

L

changeling

ExJW's who still believe the WT has "the truth" are the saddest, most pitiful people of all. They can't come to terms with their demons (normal life) and reproach themselves daily for their evil deeds.

Maybe you could enlighten him about the WT's inviolvement with the UN, or the fact that Jerusalem was not destroyed in 607BCE (hence making 1914 a bogus date as well). Also point out the flip flops with the "generation" dogma.

Or point him to the "best of" section on this site, and watch the scales fall off of his eyes as he reads.

Please try to help him; you could change his life.

changeling :)

PS: tell him changeling sends a hug ((((((((((((((sad exjw gay guy))))))))))))))))))))

Casper

I am so sorry for your friend...

It takes time, and in his situation, he no doubt feels like a lost soul. He needs someone to talk to, I hope you can be there for him.

Another example of how the WTS can totally rob a person of happiness.

Just wanted to send you both supportive thoughts...

Cas

str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up

I think i hurt for him more because he seems so lost. I am in pretty much the same position as he is, except a bit earlier on in the journey. I am gay, exjw, no family contact. I want him to feel the freedom i have. We exchanged details so we can stay in contact, but i worry for him. He even sounded a bit suicidal. I recommended he see a professional. But he has the JW mindset about therapy - what Jehobidoobie won't fix can't be fixed.

Octarine Prince

He's hooked into the Matrix still.

No comment more deep than lead by example.

Casper

Str8,

I wish there were magic answers. I understand about feeling lost, so many of us coming out of the witnesses feel that way at first.

But, we usually move forward as you yourself are doing. I feel for your friend, I really do.

If you could only get him to come on and start reading, he would get so much support here.

Hugs to you both, and I mean that Sincerely,

Cas

Met an exJW when I was out Friday Night. His pain broke my heart.

Share this