My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  coolhandluke

  If you got to choose who your children would be, I'd choose Luca. He is all the things that I'd like to be myself. There is no human who holds more weight for me than him. He is the shiniest person I know. I talked to him yesterday and the person in my company listening to my half of the conversation asked, "How did he sound?" I said, 'Like a man'.

  He's not a man though. He's still a little boy, swayed by the need of all people but even more so by teenagers - to be accepted. His younger sister got baptized recently and his friends are older than him and baptized. Not that the kid hasn't come a long way in 'knowledge' (read indoctrination) over the past year. He has. My main concern is that at this age it is impossible to know the far reaching implications of your decisions. It simply doesn't work that way in a 15 year olds mind, at least not this one. The happiness in it occurs to me because this is the first time he has chosen to make a decision... really about anything. He can be lazy and undecided. I choose to see this as progress.

  So what is my plan? I'm going to just encourage him. I'm going to remind him that I'm always here for him. I'm going to get dressed up, fly to New York and be there when he gets out of the pool. I'm going to hug him and tell him that I'm proud of him. I'm going to take every opportunity I can to help him to learn to think, to examine critcally and I'm going to be there when the house of cards around him falls. I'm going to draw him to my chest when he cries about his great grandmother not speaking to him. Im going to hold him when he realizes that he's eaten his last meal with his sisters, when he knows that his grandmother will no longer call him to just talk, when he is certain that all of the friendships that meant so much to him are conditional. I'm going to love him not on my terms, but on his... unconditionally. Really, that is all I can do.
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  chickpea

  i believe his manhood is a reflection of yours..... lucky lad to have your light in his life
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  coolhandluke

  thanks chickpea... that means a lot.
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  Crumpet

  I think your reaction is an incredibly hard one to give, but you've weighed up the probable response from him if you tried to dissuade or criticise him and you know that he would see this as opposition from Satan etc and only reinforce his decision.

  The most important thing he has on his side is someone who knows the drill, has measured their response to cover all eventualities and left the door open to help him be a little more critical in the future when he is less inclined to follow the herd. And also that he has you on his side, when he starts to see the shadows of the religion for himself he knows that he has someone he can confide in and trust.

  I know how hard that conversation was. I could never have done it myself - I get too impassioned, but you are calm, approachable and probably his best chance for a real future. By not opposing him or criticising him you have remembered he is just a child, under a lot of pressure already and he will remember that you are open minded and that you put him before your personal feelings and are very sensitive.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I love what you are saying. Is there a way to say this BEFORE his baptism?

  I know you have to walk a thin line. I am just wondering.
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  babygirl75

  I'm going to love him not on my terms, but on his... unconditionally. Really, that is all I can do.

  That's about all you can do for now! He is going to realize how lucky he is to have you in his life!!!

  babygirl...
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  Wordly Andre

  I know where you are coming from, I have a nephew and I've written here about him, very smart kid but is wasting his life in this cult, he stopped attending public school so he can go door to door. When I ask him about college he says that he has other plans for his life, I say what about higher education he says that he wants to go to Bethel, I say don't you think they need smart people at Bethel, he says he will learn everything he needs to know over there. Poor kid, he is already baptized and door knocking, the only thing I can do is just be there when he decides its all a scam.
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  GoddessRachel

  CHL, THANK YOU. This is a powerful lesson for me to apply to my nephew and niece. It breaks my heart to see them growing up JW, but now I can see clearly what I can do about it.

  You are an amazing person, CHL.

  Rachel
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  coolhandluke

  Thanks Crumpet. I'm sure you would have been fine had you been in my seat.

  I love what you are saying. Is there a way to say this BEFORE his baptism?

  I know you have to walk a thin line. I am just wondering.

  I'd love to be able to say it before OTWO but not without a great deal of programming bricking in his response. He has already been conditioned to resist "discouragement" and to expect "opposition". If I set myself up as either one of these then he will close the door on me and my chance to free his mind will be over or at best very greatly postponed and hampered. I'm just his uncle. That has little weight versus cool friends that can drive, introduce him to girls in neighboring congregations and can influence him in a way that I cannot, especially that they see him week end and week out, provide him a surrogate family and I am his worldly, long haired, tattooed, disfellowshipped uncle 2000 miles away.

  I know where you are coming from, I have a nephew and I've written here about him, very smart kid but is wasting his life in this cult, he stopped attending public school so he can go door to door. When I ask him about college he says that he has other plans for his life, I say what about higher education he says that he wants to go to Bethel, I say don't you think they need smart people at Bethel, he says he will learn everything he needs to know over there. Poor kid, he is already baptized and door knocking, the only thing I can do is just be there when he decides its all a scam.

  Some of my worst fears in that statement Andre. I think I have a plan for that part though. Luca can be motivated by money. So today I set up an account for him that I'm going to deposit into every two weeks. When I get paid, he gets paid. What I want him to do is to save part of it, spend some and to invest another part of it in a business. My idea is for him to mow lawns in the warm and shovel walks in the cold. This gets him used to money and more importantly to being the vehicle of his own survival, change and fate. Second phase is to go there when he turns 16 and not buy but invest in a beater of a pick up truck. That takes some of the strain off of his mom, and it helps him expand his territory. Find a used snowblower for the upcoming winter, get a better lawn mower and develop a concrete business structure. I want to develop a repayment plan for his vehicle and tools. After that I want to help him to learn landscape design. Even if he chooses to pioneer or go to Bethel or whatever, these are skills that he can learn and a basis that he can build on. If I can spark his interest in business and landscape design it won't be hard to introduce higher learning at even a junior college level, give him a taste of learning that has practicality and let him get a taste of success with his own hands. He can stay a JW for as long as it takes him to have to take a religion class or a philosophy or critcal thinking course. Let him. I don't want to tell him anything about his religion. I just want to help him to think and analyze it for himself.
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  coolhandluke

  well damn. thank you Rachel. Damn. That means alot.