How do the elders know if you are truly repentent? (page 5)

Dorktacular

Jetery, I think that there is no hard and fast way they can determine that. My father was an elder and he revealed to me that even though there were people he thought were repentant (and in some cases, not deserving of being disfellowshipped in the first place), the elders were often harsh and denied requests for reinstatement. My father stepped down from his position as elder primarily because he couldn't deal with the elders who were so hard-hearted and seemed to be on a personal power trip when it came to deciding the fate of other witnesses. My father believed that elders were there to help the congregation, but especially the weak ones, because they required help the most. He would talk to people, help people if he could. Not so with the other elders. They were only interested in issuing warnings, doling out punishment and testing the limits of their authority. My father didn't tell me about a lot of that stuff until about 15 years after he stepped down. I was shocked to hear some of the things that went on and how the elders abused their power. My father is still a witness, and even though he has been asked to be an elder again in his congregation where there is a shortage of elders, he will not accept. To me, that says a lot. I have no trust in the body of elders as a whole and apparently, neither does he!

BreakingAway

As a former elder I can tell you that they can't really determine "repentance".As others have said, "It all depends on how good of an actor you are." Or perhaps I would say, "How far you are willing to go to "comply" with the requirements and play the game."

So what's the biggest requirement ? Meeting attendance ! "Hold on a sec, meeting attendance ? " Yes.Now, you might think stopping the activity that caused one to be df'd in the first place is the greatest requirement but the reason meeting attendance is so closely scrutinized is because anyone can say they've stopped their "sin" but being at the meeting is supposed to be a work that "befits repentance".It shows you "appreciate" the direction of the FDS and are willing to modify your lifestyle to fit more closely to the direction of JW's.In their view if you can't even get to the meetings then you're obviously not serious about being one of JW's.The fewer meetings attended, the longer it will take for reinstatement.Once you know the rules, you can play the game.

It's all quite superficial really and is nothing more than rules and regulations that provide no real benefit.However, it does create distrust in others and trains them to be deceitful (even if its unintentional), which in turn, creates a guilty conscience for some and makes it clear that they can't really be who they are.So you have a bunch of people who do; but say they don't.

They don't really want you to be who you are, they want you to be who they say you are...and that's the person who does things their way and acts the way they do.Not only is it Uniformity(where everybody is supposed to look and be the same) It's also forced CONFORMITY.

nvrgnbk

My father believed that elders were there to help the congregation, but especially the weak ones, because they required help the most. He would talk to people, help people if he could.

There are many sincere elders, like your father.

Some eventually wake up and leave the organization.

But most will die as JW's, thinking they're doing what God wants them to and thinking that they're really helping their fellow "brothers" and "sisters".

Oftentimes the elders themselves are as irritated as some apostates are with the approach taken by the more authoritarian of their fellows.

I know from experience that even when several elders on a BOE think one of their own is hurting more than helping it may be extremely difficult to get him removed.

monophonic

wow, really?

do they say that the holy spirit moves the elders to make the df and JC decisions, or is that gone too?

when did that happen?

so, for me to keep up, they can't say "____ has been disfellowshipped" or refer to someone being df'ed, they're "_____no longer a jw", and other members voluntarily shun them, but if they were caught not shunning them they'd be in line to 'not be a jw' and be shunned themselves.

they can't say 'society' anymore, correct?

what other ~~wordplay~~ new light has happened in the how to say things so we don't get sued department?

thanks for the info on the HS.

GetOverIt

I wonder this too 'cause when I got pregnant with my daughter as a teenager, and I had my JC meeting. They just publicly reproved me (not before asking me if "It felt good" in reference to sex). Can you believe that? And my mother just sat there crying while 3 grown men waited for her teenage daughter to respond to that. Sickening. Now she says, "I must have not heard that." Yeah right. Anyway, back on topic. So the next day my husband (boyfriend at the time) was just coming back in town from military leave, and when I went to go see him...guess what we did? LOL! So if they knew if I were really repentent or not, I should have been disfellowshipped. So to answer your question.

bluesbreaker59

They don't know. My committee didn't want to DF me, but my letter insisted that I no longer wanted any part of them. They begged me, to reconsider, and said it would only be private reproof, etc. Some days I think I should've played the game...

HSS1971

They don't know. How can they know ? It is my firm belief that the elders get their jollies from seeing how far you can grovel.

How do the elders know if you are truly repentent?