How do you confront someone abusing their daughter?

Paralipomenon

Seeing how child abuse has affected many people here, I am hoping for some advice. We have friends of our family that have it on good authority that a father is abusing his four year old daughter.

He's always seemed rather creepy to me, which is a bit of the problem. I know that many abusers fly under the radar and put on a different face for everyone else, but this guy displays really creepy behavior right out in the open.

With alot of suspicions, the grandmother was finally able to pry her granddaughter away for an overnight sleepover and talked to the child in terms that she'd understand. From the conversation, it was very apparent that he's abusing her.

Now the rest of the family has to address it somehow. The question is how? They want to talk to the girl's mother and inform her, but they are worried that it will go one of two ways:

1) She flips out and confronts her husband alone and ends up getting beaten or killed since he has the capacity of physical violence.

2) That she will ignore it completely and dismiss it as not possible.

The family is all for giving her the chance, then calling child services to intervene. The circumstances are less than ideal. The man in question is a very controlling, demeaning individual. He is a complete chauvinist and pervert without any self control.

He is very disliked in the family and I'm looking for advice to pass on to them. How do you confront this? They were all for confronting the mother right away and giving her an ultimatum but I offered they do a bit more research. I have two fears, first is that if they don't approach this properly, he'll wiggle out of it and start to conceal his methods. Second is that he could just be a creepy jerk and the child misunderstood what was being asked of her.

I know others here have had to deal with this issue very intimately and I'm hoping there is some advice on how they should proceed.

chickpea

contact the human services office in the county where the child lives.... report the suspicions raised by the g'mother's questioning

if you dont want to open a can of worms just say something to the effect that you are concerned about the welfare of children in general, cite maybe the weird cult activity in the news of late, and ask them to direct you to the agencies or services that would be able to answer questions you have about what signs to look for etc..... then follow the trail to a reporting agency

from that point you might have gleaned enough info to proceed with instigating an inquiry into the situation

thank you for taking the child's interests to heart..... good luck

momzcrazy

Let the authorities handle it. Call them and get advice. Make sure they know he is a manipulator. I am worried that if you go directly to the mom, she will be manipulated like mine was and stay with him. Make a phone call and get the baby the help she needs. She'll need professional help and the authorities can direct where to go.

Do it now, or she will be like me and in therapy letting out repressed memories and pain at 35.

momz

CandleLight

Paral,

Bless you for caring enough to get involved. There are many children who are suspected of being abused, and even those who tell others, and are not helped.

you said:

With alot of suspicions, the grandmother was finally able to pry her granddaughter away for an overnight sleepover and talked to the child in terms that she'd understand. From the conversation, it was very apparent that he's abusing her.

Children at that age, tend to have specific ways of describing the abuse. (My abuse started around the same age) A professional...(police ect.) will be able to identify what she trying to describe, decipher what is going on. I have to say though, I tend to trust gut instinct, and the feelings the child was conveying the most.

If this man is dangerous to his family, have the wife and child at another location when you talk to the mother. Then if she chooses to not return home for her safety she will have the child with her. I recommend not giving the option to her of turning him in. If she doesnt.. you will. She may have alot of fear, and perhaps already know the circumstance but not able to handle it herself, in that the fear, intimidation, and abuse may include her also.

My Prayers will be with you and the Family. May this child healing begin soon. If you want to discuss it more, please feel free to PM me.

CL

Big Tex

My advice is for the family to have an interevention (away from the mother's home) disclosing in no uncertain terms what the father is doing to his daughter and the mother has the choice of either reporting the matter to the police for investigation or the family will. Then and there, no waiting nd no chance for this guy to become violent. If she doesn't report the abuse there is an excellent chance CPS will take the child out of the house for her own safety.

What is most important is to keep the child safe. Often abusers threaten the victim into silence with threats of violence or death if they tell. It will be difficult enough for the child to speak but if there is even the possibility that the father may become violent then it is imperative for the report to the police be made away from that house and that man.

Chris

83501nwahs

You do not confront the suspect, you call Child Protective Services immediately, and let them handle it. If you feel the child is in immediate damger, you call the police right away. We have learned these lessons from JWs not reporting, so people on this board should really be straight on this.

Quirky1

I am loading my gun as we speak.

Hortensia

do two things - call child protective services and tell them what the grandmother said. Give them contact information for the child's parents and for the grandmother. Then get the mother and child away from the situation - she needs to pick up her kid and leave. If you all are concerned, give her shelter while the husband is being arrested and tried. Don't wait around and discuss the situation, just go ahead and get the two of them out of there. If she won't go, well then, the cops need to talk with her too.

momzcrazy

I am loading my gun as we speak.

Can I come too? My .357 is old, but I keep it well maintained.

kwintestal

I wouldn't give them any chance to coach the girl regarding what to say. Call Children's Aid and get them in there ASAP.

Kwin

How do you confront someone abusing their daughter?

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