by Moxie 33 Replies latest jw friends
...I've heard that a lot over the years. "Just get over it, let the past stay in the past". I always say, "ya, but...".
I've been writing a lot lately on my blog and just got through a big long thing on why I can't move on. You can read it here if you want to: http://exjw.wordpress.com
But I have to stop and wonder, Can you ever really move on? I mean day to day, yes... but are you ever able to truly heal?
What are your thoughts...?
I think that moving on is relative and subject to definition. Some things can be overcome, but some things are going to have a profound effect on you and mould you to some extent, which is not necessarily a bad thing, although sometimes it can be.
I think that moving on is learning to cope with those chinks in you, and having the ability and strength to continue and maintain balance in yourself…..Not allowing the knocks to consume you……
Edit:
Easier said than done.
There are levels and stages to moving on.
Me? I got angry really, really late. All those years I was in denial and making excuses for them.
I'll be here until I don't need it anymore. I'm working on it.
They are right, ultimately in the long run.
You just might be stuck on something right now, so it will not be what you want to hear.
Perhaps some heal completely in time. But I think that all of us are a construct of our pasts. So we can't just 'get over it and move on' entirely, can we?
Even some who say they have moved on, and perhaps they have to a large extent. But then they show up on boards like this telling us they are 'over it' - so why are they here? On an xjw board dedicated to healing?
I have noticed that I am not as consumed by it any more - but once in a while I have spells of anger about the whole thing. But they come further and further between. I don't have to 'check in' here every day like I used to. And some days I don't even think about my past. Progress. 'Over it'? - nope. 'Moving on?' - slowly. 'Hopeful?' - absolutely!
Jeff
You can never have a "normal" relationship with a family member who is controlled by a Cult. So, No you can never "move on" as long as they hold family members hostage! Those who are not in that situation may be able to "move on" depending on other variables such as length of involvement, etc.
-BONEZZ
i think there is merit in the belief that, while it is sometimes impossible to "get over it", it is also imperative to "get on with it"
the distinction being that there are life events that we will never get over, but we can still construct a life beyond them, even though those said events will always be a part of the landscape......
No one anywhere under any circumstance is normal moxie. We all experience a lot of tragedy in life personally and by proxy.
Theres not a person alive who hasnt felt heart break because of family and friends.
I think realizing and accepting that my experiences in life have not really been so unique after all helps. Everyone in the world is practically in the same boat.
I understand that what I've said will probably piss some of you off but... Accept and own your life: it's past; present; and future. Accept that your experiences are not that special. Then have peace. Life is great!
Hi Vanchick/Moxie, I'd just like to say that I think its impossible to completely remove JWism from are personality and character especially to us
born ins, but that necessarily isn't a bad thing it may indeed formulate a part of our identity.
For myself I've been out and away from being involved with JWS now for some 30 years and have happily left the absurdity of religion all together.
Unfortunately like yourself I too still have family still in which presents a problem from time to time but I've learned to live with it,
The fact that I have 2 brothers out may make it easer I suppose.
To me JWS with just stupidity wrapped up in blatant corruption, a Corporation with its own agenda nothing else ( men playing God perhaps ) .
Maybe it would be good for all that have left to see it as brain cancer that has left and which you have been cure from.
Yes there may be recurring scars that may reappear on occasion but over time they become less and less and a new secure identity develops within
yourself without a single trace of any brain cancer...........Take care all
I think it's a pretty thoughtless thing to say, everyone has issues in their lives that they must overcome, and it's never instentaneous.
I have a jw friend who on one hand states that child abuse is damaging and has lifelond effects on the victim, but on the other hand knows people who had been very abused as children, and she regularly tells them "to get over it".
I think it's something people say when they really don't want to hear what you are saying and would rather talk about something else.
