Am i being too harsh with my girlfriend?

by digderidoo 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • digderidoo

    Ok heres the scenario.

    I met this girl about 12 months ago, we dated for around 6 months then split up (another story). We have started seeing each other again for around 3 months now.

    The problem is, if i can call it a problem, she has two kids, whereas i have three that i see on thursdays and saturdays. Her ex has her kids every other Saturday. The other weekend she is away at a caravan her parents have on the Welsh coast.

    I have never met her kids, she has never met mine. We both prefer this, because the relationship is newish neither of us want to involve the kids.

    Now, this doesn't really leave us any time to see each other. Normally we see each other a Wednesday night as her mom babysits. But last week and possibly this week her mom can't do it. Therefore we will be going 2 or 3 weeks without seeing each other.

    I really feel that i am at a point where i cannot continue with a relationship where we don't spend much time with each other. I understand the kid situation, but surely a relationship cannot grow if you don't spend much time together? I would love to hear peoples opinions on this, especially women. Am i being harsh? I don't think so. She can make a Saturday when her ex has hers, but i am not going to give up a Saturday without seeing mine and can't change it to a Friday due to my ex's work commitments.

    Although i think this girls great, i can't help feeling at times that i would be better off single and back on the market so to speak.


  • Satanus

    I agree, if she can't make time for, it's a bad sign. That you guys split before is another indication of a problem(s).

  • megaflower

    Its time for a sit down heart to heart talk. It sounds like she wants something different from this relationship than you do. If she was truly committed she would bend over backwards to see you, even if it was at 5am for coffee. Think long and hard, it seems like it is time to move on.

  • digderidoo
    It sounds like she wants something different from this relationship than you do

    The truth is that i don't know what i want from it, which is why i haven't involved my kids. After we split and it was me doing the splitting, she was the one doing all the chasing, so it kind of made me feel that she wanted it more. I agree we need a heart to heart talk, but she doesn't see the problem. Blames it on the kid situation and also logistics as we live in different towns.

  • Bring_the_Light

    I don't get it. How does this prove JW's are evil?

  • Satanus

    "The truth is that i don't know what i want from it,"

    Ahh. This could be a key piece in the puzzle.


  • nelly136

    do you actually want to be with her?

    you just don't seem that keen.

  • llbh

    Why not spend time on the phone with you gf i do.


  • Hope4Others

    Just my 2 cents, but it seems very confusing your relationship as it is, and you have not even brought

    the kids into the picture yet. Have you met her kids? Has she met yours?


  • Calico Ethel
    Calico Ethel

    I think what others have said so far is good, like you saying you aren't sure what you want from it? You don't seem into the relationship really. I lived in the US whilst my man was in the UK and we talked to each other almost every day, on the phone of course. That doesn't make up for time to be together, but since we couldn't, geographically speaking, it was important to spend as much time talking as possible, whether it was calling, texting or emailing.

    If you are into the relationship and you want to see about taking it further, then maybe look into getting someone to sit for you, with the kids (I don't know how old they are) or let them go to friends' homes or something. That way you can plan some alone time with your girlfriend and your kids are getting time to spend with friends too? But also, you said you weren't willing to give up time with your kids to be with her, so then that doesn't seem to me that your very commited, because I think sometimes people have to give up something every now and then to be with someone they care about. As an example, I don't look at what I did as giving anything up, but gaining something very precious. I now have a wonderful husband and some really great friends and family in the UK. I may have left the friends and family behind in the US, but I gained so much more, so it didn't matter. If you really care about her, and she about you, then what you see as "giving up" (ie..spending time with your kids) won't actually be giving something up, you would be gaining something, a relationship with someone you care about. And besides, if you did put aside spending a little time with your kids every now and then (I'm not saying every time you have them), but then you can forge a deeper relationship with her and bring the kids into it, then you won't have to give up time for your kids or her if you see what I mean? I definately think that a heartfelt talk between you both is the route to start out on.

    Hope that makes sense. And hope it all works out.

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