The dumpee or the dumper

by wings 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    In any relationship there are mistakes made by all involved. Sometimes one is more guilty of mistakes than the other.

    If you are breaking up, it's good to get yourself in the best shape you can and not worry too much about who's at fault. You can waste a lot of energy on things that just don't matter in the context of the rest of your life, starting today. Get your fair settlement. Get a therapist or support group. Move on. Over the years, you will have plenty of time to reflect on the who's, how's, why's and what if's.

  • wings
    wings
    And how do we know that tidbit?

    just a book that my sister brought me from her goodwill pile. I leafed though it and caught those points. I thought it was interesting. The future for me is dumping, and I know about that tidbit. I JUST HATE IT!!!!!!!! I want this to be all over.

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    It takes time to heal from a divorce. Like with any kind of grief, living with divorce gets easier with time. You never get completely over that kind of intense union. You may go months without thinking of your former mate, then you'll hear a song or see a place you visited together and you'll think of your mate again. I've been through two divorces and this thing with Andy. It's never easy and no matter what level of love or lack of love you had, that person will always be part of your history and therefore part of you.

    Why label yourself a dumper or a dumpee? Why complicate the complicated even further?

    You can't make the break up of a marriage into a pretty thing. You can make it only as easy as the two of you will allow it to be. Indecision, if there is any, will drive you nuts. If you know you want a divorce, then get one. Don't hang on unless your attorney tells you that you should. Be sure to get a good lawyer.

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead

    It's been a year already for you, and I don't think you envision going back to him. So the sooner you are able to put a final end to it the sooner you both can move on and begin healing. I'm sure it is hard for him too, so he needs to move on and accept the new reality as you do.

    Of course, easy for me to say... But just giving you some moral support...

    [email protected]

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