The dumpee or the dumper

by wings 23 Replies latest jw friends

  • digderidoo

    I have been both the dumpee and the dumper in different relationships.

    What you say just about sums it up. The dumper does have time to deal with it, whereas to the dumpee it may come as a shock and it certainly is hard to deal with rejection.

    In my experience they are both painful. I was the dumper with regards to my ex wife, about 12 years ago and i still have to deal with her anger now.


  • R.Crusoe

    Maybe in some relationships both are waiting for the end and relieved when it arrives?

    The dumper/dumpee scenario suggests one or the other didn't want an ending to happen.

  • wings
    Maybe in some relationships both are waiting for the end and relieved when it arrives?

    RC, in this book I was looking at, he called this "the mutuals". Those evidently have an easier time with it.

  • R.Crusoe

    I rekon in many ways 'mutuals' would have an easier transition when they work around their children after the split. I even hear of some who meet up with new partners for Christmas etc so the kids can see mum and dad with newbies!

    Problems with exJWs are unavoidable if one is a non or even worse an exJW (as am I in case anyone still was unsure) because elders control communications and also manipulate events as best they can to encourage children to come along.

    It so happens none of mine are JW but the scars from both sides are deep and filled with confusions and lack of communications over long time frames. Such realities precipitate unhappiness or at least derail it until each accepts such as a routine they find impossible to renegotiate = which reminds me of laylas comment about the 45 yr old homeless woman.

    I dont think the WT will ever appreciate the lasting damage they do to many lives! My personal experience has few memories of happiness and none spring to attention in my heart. I am in a more stable position than many and this tells me there are many who have been ruined by WT dogma and tactical manipulation of peoples lives under pain of everlasting rejection by their claimed unique divine administration.

  • AlmostAtheist

    I've been dumped about as often as I've done the dumping. I greatly prefer being the "dumped". No guilt, no hassles, no baggage -- just nod and move on.


  • Layla33

    I am normally the dumper, in fact, I can only think of one time I was actually dumped, that was in 12th grade, and boy did it sting like a bee.

    If it was up to my ex-husband, we would still be married, but it was the best decision for both of us and finally he realized it too.

    I think even more since I am divorced, I don't play around with it, if I don't feel there is compatibility.

  • llbh
    But as we all know children make us push ourselves beyond pain time and again till we almost can no longer recognise who we are as an individual

    RC that was very perceptive and very true


  • jgnat

    I heard of a philanderer who got caught, was kicked out, then reconciled.... just so he could reject her later!

  • R.Crusoe

    jnat, those who take pride in being the dumper are fuelled by ego and self servitude.

    If they ever wake up maybe they will bump into their true selves at the heart of the life within them?

    My feeling is that many relationships are more about confusion and difference becoming unworkable.

    Those who are on a mission to selfish gain and reject others like used goods I hope are in the minority. I see that some may appear to do this and are misprepresented by gossiping onlookers who have no clue about their heart condition.

    I place judging gossipers and those of selfish intenet in a similar category.

  • oompa
    wings: The dumpers have been in pain and turmoil longer than the dumpees, so they are more emotionally advanced by the time the relationship is ending. Not to say that their pain is less, it just started first. The dumpees are often blind-sided, and have a great deal of difficulty accepting the end of the relationship.

    They have? And how do we know that tidbit? What if the dumpee says, "what hell took you so long?".........they may have been in pain for years......I dont get it..........oompa

    it all sucks imo......both sides

Share this