Why and when I lost my faith

by LunaFing 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LunaFing

    I lost my faith when I was twelve. I have to start from the beginning: My father started molesting me when I was 5 years old. My mother started studying with the JW's when I was 6. She was trying to find the "right" religion and found it with the JW's, so I was brought up as one as well. My father started studying after a while. He studied off and on for the next 8 years. I was abused during this time as well. When I was old enough to understand that what he was doing to me was wrong, I was confused as to why Jehovah let that happen. I figured that maybe I was a bad person and that Jehovah didn't love me 'cause I wasn't worthy. Then I would go to the meetings and they would tell you that Jehovah was a loving God. I was really confused. I tried my best to be a "good" person, but the people in the congo always treated me differently from the other kids. To this day I'm not sure what it was about me that made people think badly of me. I never did anything wrong. I went to the meetings and service. I commented at the meetings and the book study. I didn't smile much and kept to myself a lot of the times. I wasn't anti-social or anything.It always seemed like the brothers wouldn't want their kids to hang out with me. Anyway, I decided to get baptized at age 11 because I thought that Jehovah would protect me if I devoted my life to him. Of course I was greatly mistaken. The abuse didn't stop and the brothers where even nastier to me. One year later my father got baptized. He had stopped molesting me 2 months before. The day he got baptized was the day I started to lose my faith. He started to get privliges in the congo and even said the prayer at the end of the book study. Everyone treated him with respect and treated me like dirt. Needless to say I stopped praying. I told my mother that I didn't want to go to service anymore because I didn't feel the love for Jehovah that the bible talked about and I didn't want to be a hypocrite. She said she didn't care and that I would have to fake it. At this point I had already told her of the abuse and my lost faith. By the time I was 15 I was convinced that I didn't want to be a JW. I decided to tell a friend about what had happened to me and he in turn told the Elders. To make a long story short, CPS was called and my father had to flee because he was going to be arrested. People in the hall didn't know what was going on and the few that did didn't do anything to help me. No one tried to talk to me about why I had lost faith in the religion. It was real easy for me to leave. My Mother just wanted to get rid of me so she let me marry my 21 year old boyfriend. Of course everyone in the hall thought I had run away from home and that was that. No one tried to get me back. No one cared. So now, 10 years later I'm on this site and very happy to be out! Thanks everyone for listening.

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead

    I'm sooo sorry. I'm literally in tears reading your story. But I'm glad you found us...

    [email protected]

  • wings

    BIG Welcome!!!

    Thanks for sharing, you will find so many here with similar situations.


  • real one
    real one

    im very sorry to read your story. i am also sorry you lost faith in God. It is not easy believing anything when you are being abused and mistreated. it seems that you are deeply wounded and i want you to know that only Jesus can heal those wounds. you may not want to hear this but I must tell you. I hope you have gotten some counseling and have a Bible to read. bad things happen to all of us whether we are good or bad. We must keep our faith and let no one take it from us.

  • Casper

    Welcome Luna....

    What a heart wrenching story... I am glad you survived and found this site.

    Many here have been in your position and can offer support.


  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    I am so sorry to hear this story. I hope that you can find some peace and get over all the hurt. If we can help we will be glad to!


  • flipper

    LUNAFING- What a gut wrenching, heartbreaking story friend. I am so sorry you were treated that way. Welcome to the board and please know you are among friends here

  • Akira

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. I hope you find peace. Welcome and keep posting!

  • oompa

    Luna, I dont know what to say.....but I am so glad you are able to say you are "happy to be out." This is a great place to meet very understanding people who can at least relate to getting out of JW. Wishing you continued happiness..........good luck.......I sounded like a Hallmark card there...sorry............oompa

  • changeling


    Welcome and thank you sharing your story,

    changeling :)

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