Just for us gals........ok, really for the guys!!

by crazyblondeb 8 Replies latest social humour

  • crazyblondeb


    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week .

    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    Keep reading-they get better!!!


    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

    "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."



    I know I'm not going to understand women.

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

    and still be afraid of a spider.


    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

    "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

    He addressed the man,

    "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?


    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

    She directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

    He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

    (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)


    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

    neither of them wanted to concede their position.

    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

    the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

    30,000 to a man's 15,000.

    The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


    A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

    "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !


    A man and his wife were having an argument about who

    should brew the coffee each morning.

    The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,

    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

    The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and

    you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS"

    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home

    and were giving each other the silent treatment.

    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

    at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

    "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

    The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.."

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


  • R.Crusoe

    Yup - sounds about the level of friendship one can expect from most females!

  • FlyingHighNow

    I love to see who has a good sense of humor when it comes to this gender war kind of jokes.

  • flipper

    I like " Who Does What?" I brew coffee for my wife every weekend , while she sleeps in . But she is great and sends me off with brewed coffee early on work mornings. She is a jewel. So we share the duties - that's the key ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Hortensia

    good laugh - especially the last line!

  • Hope4Others

    The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.."

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests

    *Yes, this is quite funny!

    *And great thing is who ever gets up first makes the coffee. Its mostly even.


  • crazyblondeb
  • dinah

    The first one was my favorite. he he he

  • Mincan

    My mother sent these to me... the God bit irked.

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