Just frustrated

by tika 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • tika

    The last meeting my husband attended was the memorial 2 yrs. ago last year we were visiting my family for Easter or he would have went. The last meeting I attended was the memorial 3 years ago.

    Not to digress but, at that meeting an elder's wife inquired about my brother who is in prison and commented that "You don't need associations like that anyway" basically telling me it would be best for me to write him off. While I agree that my brother is where he should be, paying his debt to society... he is my baby brother. I was waiting for him 34 years ago when they brought him home from the hospital and I will still be waiting for him in 34 years when he comes home from prison. He is my family and I love him... no matter what. So at that memorial 3 yrs. ago I decided right then an there I wanted nothing to do ever with this religion or these people. It was the last straw for me.

    I knew when the memorial was going to be this year long before my husband so I knew we would be out of town, unbeknownst to my controlling MIL. The Saturday before our trip, and the memorial, we had a gathering of his family in our home. MIL brought the paper invitation with her that night, which he laid on the buffet never mentioning to her our trip (for fear she'd invite herself along). After she left I threw the invitation away knowing he wouldn't be attending and the damn thing would just sit there. The following day SUNDAY (which is our day to relax and enjoy our home as a family without being disturbed by the outside world... here comes the elder who's wife p'd me off from MIL's congregation (one town away) to give my H another paper invite to the memorial. Upon his entrance to my home I promptly said "hello" picked up my dog and retreated to the computer room closing the door behind me. Not only did I not wish to speak to him, but since he stopped by unannounced I had no bra on under my pajamas so I felt quite justified in leaving my husband to deal with him. Fast forward to us returning from our trip, 2 messages on our machine from MIL requesting his attendance at the memorial... the 1st sounding pitiful and mopey, and the second very nasty, mean and full of rage. I about laughed my butt off. I heard the second message and laughed and told my poor husband "sounds like your in trouble". He is 41 years old and has been emotionally abused by her his whole life. The funniest part is he didn't even call her until the following evening.

    Thanks everyone for listening, I would go insane if I didn't have you guys and gals to vent to. I wish everyday for the day my husband sees what I see.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I am happy you have this place to vent.

    I hope my wife sees what I see one day, but she is still attending meetings.
    Neither of us lets our parents or other family guilt us or direct our lives, but
    the wife still lets the men in New York tell her what to believe.

    Great for you that you actually love your brother unconditionally. I try to remember
    that my wife and mother are captives of the cult and I will love them no matter
    what they say or do. I will forgive my mother if she ever shuns me, and I will
    continue to do what is right when she needs me.

    Strength to you in your endeavor to help yourself and your husband.

  • BabaYaga

    Relating this to the other thread you just posted, which let me know your MIL is a NPD (Narcissist) I can tell you from experience... the thing narcissists hate more than ANYTHING is for their "puppets" not to respond when their strings are YANKED!!! You and your hubby did the right thing.

    Cheers and ongoing strength...

  • Hope4Others

    Some just have so much tact don't they? Sometimes it is just hard to bite my lip I find, when annoying circumstances pop up. Nice you

    have the support of your husband.


  • Casper
    I can tell you from experience... the thing narcissists hate more than ANYTHING is for their "puppets" not to respond when their strings are YANKED !!!

    I also, know this to be "True" from my own experience with my two adult Step-Daughters... pi$$es them off... but, you get your point across and sometimes it puts a stop to some of their ploys. They do go on and try to find others tho. It's just one step at a time...


  • R.Crusoe

    Its amazingly subjective this narcissism ideology!

    If you view the characterestics of personality disorder and apply them collectively to a group - say 'JWs' or even a family 'rift' who exclude another, the individual could identify the group as colectively displaying narcissism whereas they likely would accuse the individual of the same!

    In a democracy the solitary loses and is branded dysfunctional by default and this becomes a reality!

    The truth about heart condition is far deeper and more complex and is rarely ever given the time needed to adequately air it to anyone! And group types are usually the most reluctant to reveal their inner core anyhow due to their group ethos being one wielding power and being happy already with the statue quo!

    So I take all your points about experiencing narcisistic personalities, but if you were in a town full of JWs and stood alone outside on principle, bt default you are already a narcissist!

    This is why the negative connotations applied by psychologists to humans caught up in characteristics of a situation and then labelled by it seems to me extremely flawed reasoning!

  • flipper

    TIKA- It's a good thing your husband and you are a unified front - a solid family unit to stand up in unison so the witness relatives won't manipulate you both into going back to meetings. As long as your hubby doesn't allow his mom to shove you guys around - you should do well. Just don't let mother in law to guilt you into anything. It is you and your husband's life. Peace to you, Mr. Flipper

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    Hey Tika, I am glad you are ranting in here. I don't feel so all alone! LOL

  • ldrnomo

    You have a right to rant it is un-called for to treat a grown son and daughter in law like that. Sure she thinks her son will get destroyed if he doesn't fall into place but that's no excuse to keep nagging and upsetting your family. You and your husband need to have a nice talk and see if it would be good for you to both have a nice Christian talk with your MIL asking her to please let you decide what is best for your family

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