The Perfectly Run Congregation?

by WTWizard 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • WTWizard

    This is what I have been seeing as the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger's idea of a perfectly run congregation--

    Boasting sessions: Everyone always there, no matter what. Everyone brings all 5 of their studies every time, and no one ever misses or has to leave in the middle. There is also never anyone that arrives late--everyone is there 15 minutes early, and the servants are there 20 minutes early. No one is ever out of there less than 30 minutes after the closing prayer, which never happens early for any reason. The boasting sessions never ever get cancelled.

    Finances: The Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund boxes are always full of $20 bills and higher, and good checks. They always have something near $3,000 on hand, with the surplus going to the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger. There is never any expenses that cannot be immediately met.

    Field circus: Everyone is there at all the sessions, including 5:30 AM street work. No one has to go in before they call it a night. Everyone is screeching out quickly (always within 5 minutes), and no one is ever late or needs to be picked up. People always go to all the doors, without skipping any. No one ever walks slowly (they are always rushing to get to the doors so they can get more done). No one wastes time at doors where they know no one will be there, or uses the fake knock or fake press of the doorbell. People are always ready to study. The times where they have trouble finding the streets or houses are settled within seconds by Brother Blabbermouth that tells them where to turn.

    Personal: There is never any need for any judicial hearings. People always obey the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger no matter what. When they tell people that they need to throw something out, they do immediately. No one ever goes online or watches anything that is even mildly objectionable. Music is always from among the 225 pieces of Kingdumb Sxxx. Dress is always perfect. And no one ever uses the word "Darn", let alone anything stronger.

    I wonder how close people's congregations come to this. And, were there any that have stubbornly and stupidly refused to compromise for adverse circumstances--like people that refused to miss a boasting session for a major sickness or cancel one for terrible weather, or hounders that obstinately made sure that everyone pioneered during a campaign.

  • minimus

    What you describe is a fantasy yet the Organization tries to make it sound that this is all the norm in Watchtower World.

    Boy, am I glad I'm OUT!

  • WTWizard
    What you describe is a fantasy yet the Organization tries to make it sound that this is all the norm in Watchtower World.

    This is in fact a fantasy that comes from the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger. And it is what they are struggling for in every congregation, using harsher and harsher measures until they accomplish this.

    With the increasing loss of latitude for personal material in talks, the stress on eliminating anything that is fun, and homogenization of people's lives inside even the past few years, I am glad I no longer go to the circus.

  • minimus

    They bear down on people. They are slave masters.

  • Hope4Others


    The boasting sessions never ever get cancelled

    We have had a few cancelled because of snow storms here. Your thoughts really are right on here with the

    perfectly run cong.


  • OnTheWayOut

    In the perfect congregation, all the baptized men over 30 are elders and everyone baptized
    is a pioneer, even the teens and preteens. Some of the elders are given trivial titles:
    Elder in charge of cleaning washrooms, The North, South, East, & West territory overseers.

    When the C.O. visits, he encourages them to move where the need is great, and half the
    congregation does so, but are replaced by Bible students who have recently qualified to
    get baptized.

    The older couples have at least one Bethelite child. They are waiting to be approved for
    substitute C.O..

  • garybuss
  • OnTheWayOut

    I will post Gary's own "dream congregation."

    The brothers are all wearing double breasted IBM business suits and the sisters are all wearing nylons and skirts that just touch the floor when they kneel. The babies are all awake listening to the speaker whose talk is closely following the societies outline. The boy children are all wearing small business suits and polished shoes with matching socks. Their fingernails are clean.

    The girl children all are wearing white dresses and keep their eyes down. When a question is asked at the Watchtower study every single person in the Hall raises their hand, even the babies. Everyone who is called on to answer, paraphrases the answer in their own words with the idea directly from the Watchtower paragraph. During the entire meeting, which lasted three hours, no one got up to go to the restroom or get a drink. After the meeting everyone there lined up at the literature counter and picked up their magazine orders of thirty-six copies of each issue and then lined up at the contribution boxes to contribute two dollars per copy as an unrelated donation to the preaching work. After the donations were made everybody was smiling and talking to each other. No one has ever been disfellowshipped from this congregation because everybody simply accepts what is taught from the platform and in the literature. No one ever questions the Society or the elders.

    When they left the Hall, everybody was driving clean new Buick four door sedans with Watchtowers taped to the lower left side of the back windows. They all live in ranch style government tract houses, get food stamps, have part time cleaning or painting businesses and pioneer full time. No one goes to college. The children are all home schooled or attend a public school where the teachers are all in the truth. The children don't talk to anyone not in the truth and don't take part in any after school sports. The mothers don't read romance novels or gossip.

    Every day every family considers the day's text and reads the Watchtower comments about it. No one has any pets in the house or cooks with aluminum pans. No one has television and those with home computers do not access the Internet and only use the Watchtower CD for preparing talks. At bed time the children all go to their clean self made beds and sleep all night. The parents sleep together and pray before they have missionary sex and then they pray again after they have missionary sex. All fathers are elders.

  • Hope4Others

    Good one! This was a really funny perfect cong DREAM.

    The girl children all are wearing white dresses and keep their eyes down


  • The Last Nephilim
    The Last Nephilim

    I think everyone would be required by the FDS to own a small TV, but with no cable, satellite, or even rabbit ears hooked up- only a VCR/DVD player for watching the society's videos. The grass would be neater than the greens at Pebble Beach, with every male 12 and older ready at a moment's notice to go mow it. The landscaping would be immaculate and not so much as a "defective" petal on a single flower would be allowed to remain. The elders would do a shepherding call, without fail, to every disfellowshipped person on the anniversary of their disfellowshipping. Everyone would have their field service reports turned in by no later than 12pm on the 1st of every month. Batteries in cordless mics would never run out in the middle of the meeting. The incorrect song would never be accidentally played (I did this at the Memorial a few years ago =P). #3 talks would all receive standing ovations (if applauding was allowed) for their Academy Award performances.

    The best part (this really happened at my Hall)- The PO would spray paint all of the electrical boxes and conduit on the side of the Kingdom Hall to match the color of the brick...

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