Elders want to visit after memorial !!

by lancelink 29 Replies latest jw experiences

  • lancelink

    Well, I attended the memorial last night, and since I have been inactive for some time two of the elders came up to me afterwards.
    They want to get together and discuss how to get me “active” again.
    Since I am going thru some withdrawal pains, I spinelessly agreed to talk with them this Friday evening.

    Here is my major dilemma; I don’t want to talk to them in a ridiculing way, but I need to make my current situation clear to them,, I really am not interested in getting “reactivated”, I’m just not there anymore.
    I believe that at this point of my life, spirituality is something that I need to develop myself, and the issues that I have seen in the WT society / congregation / and individuals has proven to me without a doubt that this religion is not the avenue that god uses today.\

    Yet, there are certain people that I am not ready to shock in this manner,
    I realize that I seem to have painted myself into a corner, but I am slowly but surely making this decision in a forward moving manner.
    I was reading a newspaper column last week regarding spiritual growth at Easter time, and the example of a egg hatching was used. As the chick grows they have to break free of the egg, and move out into the world. If the chick stays in one place too long it will eventually die, so breaking free at the correct time is a natural part of its development.
    This was reflected in a person’s spiritual growth, in time they have to break free from preconceived notions and move on, yet I don’t feel that I am totally ready to move on, or break free right at this moment.
    How can I speak to the elders, be courteous, and still continue my breaking out in my own schedule?
    I’m not ready to drop the bomb right now, how can I do this in a decent way???

  • MissingLink

    Just cancel your appointment. Don't give an excuse that'll prompt them to reschedule. Just say "I don't want to talk about it" and leave it at that.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite


    Elders have been trained at manipulation. It's a century in the making. Depending on the brothers, they may take a hint and back off, so they can tell the CO that they tried. Or they may not take 'no' for an answer and be very confrontational and argumentative.

    At this point, you still have choices:

    • Blow them off. Don't be home and avoid them from here on out. You will have to watch your back for unexpected calls.
    • Cancel and avoid reschedule.
    • Meet with them and be prepared to tell them 'no thanks' and be prepared to argue if they get unpleasant. Plenty of issues. Let us know which one you pick.
    • Meet with them, let them control you. Say 'yes, I need to do better'. Then don't do any better.
    • Meet with them, be reactivated, and wait for the big A that's sooooooooooooooo close.

    Choose Wisely...

  • MeneMene
    ... the issues that I have seen in the WT society / congregation / and individuals has proven to me without a doubt that this religion is not the avenue that god uses today.

    If you do meet with them be very careful not to let them know this is how you feel if you wish to continue a fade.

    They likely will ask you this in an effort to see if you should be DFed.

  • darkuncle29

    If you do choose to meet with them, would having the meeting in a public place make it less in their favor? Say a starbucks? That way they are not in your home -your space- and it is also not a place that they may prefer. If they had to meet with you in public, the heavy handed control tactics may not have an oportunity to be unleashed.

    Just a thought.

  • bigmouth

    mene,mene is right. If they approach you with the "hard sell" you'll be asked very early if you believe this is Gods' organisation. If you say "no' it's all over for you.

    You must be vague and say that you are simply taking some time out to collect your thoughts and you'll let them know.......

    Or tell them you're depressed and to leave you alone for a while.

  • penny2

    I would meet with them as planned. Make it a bit social - have a drink and biscuits ready. Tell them you have a few issues to sort out but you need to work through them in your own time.

    If they ask if you want someone to study with you, tell them you are quite capable of studying by yourself.

    If they ask if you want to be picked up for the meetings, tell them you have your own transport.

    Good luck with it all. Don't get too stressed over it - life's too short. This phase will pass. They will forget about you. Your family and significant others will eventually accept your "weak or inactive" status.

  • Hope4Others
    bigmouth said; you'll be asked very early if you believe this is Gods' organisation. If you say "no' it's all over for you.

    They will always ask this question in order to open you up to spill the beans on how you feel, you may want to take Billies suggestions.



  • jwfacts

    If you have to see them, then you need to be very careful what you say, or rather, be careful not to say anything. The key reason a person gets disfellowshipped for apostasy is admitting that they no longer feel Jehovah uses the WTS organisation. You cannot give any hint of this if you are trying to have a successful fade. They will most likely ask that question, so be prepared for an answer. They will want to know why you don't attend, so you need an answer for that as well; depression, work, sick ... The less you end up saying the better, as any discussion will only lead to trouble.

  • primitivegenius

    ok first some questions.......... do they have your phone number? do they know where you live? probably yes if you have been regular for a prolonged time before you became inactive.

    if they do then you got nothing to keep secret...... meaning they already know so you cant keep them away by not telling them where you live or how to contact you.

    if not then you definately dont want to meet them at your house, and give them an email to contact you....... or if you have a dedicated work line with your own personal mailbox give them THAT number which will only be accessed during work hours lol. (if they know where you work tho that could lead to other more embarassing or awkward moments when they show up, and they probably will....... my dad used to do that to his RVs)

    i personally wouldnt meet with them........ i would just make sure i left at least half an hour before the time they were supposed to show up and not be back for 3 or 4 hours if possible.......... can you say double feature at the theater? i tried to avoid a sheparding call at my parents house for two hours by driveing around........... they were still there and i had to listen to them for like half an hour(wasnt a call for me just at my house) before they finally left....... had i realized what was going on i would have just stayed in town and found something to do.

    i wouldnt bother to cancel either...... you didnt want the meeting, you didnt ask for it, yet they pressured you into it......... and you know its only gonna get worse. after the fact if they do bother to try and contact you..........(could just be talking with you cause they are FORCED to do so and any effort can be made to sound like they have slaved for you to the CO) i would just say that your extremely busy and something came up and that you will let them know when an opening comes up in your schedule (or just say F*** off).

    now you gotta know yourself first......... you say you gave in out of weakness.......... so ask yourself the hard questions. the ones only you can answer, regarding how weak you feel you will be with them again, will they force you with their brainwashing words make you attend again? try to figure out how you can get out of it all with the least amount of contact with them. back in the day i knew that i wouldnt be able to stand up to them so i simply avoided them. now i can tell them off to their faces, but they arent worth it to me. they use guild and pressure to FORCE you to be there biatch, dont let them....... if it means your off the reservation, then go MIA. if it means you tell them your to busy to bother with them....... be prepared to either hang up after you tell them...... or to listen to their hours of...... you know jehovah wouldnt like that......... are you giveing up on him........ you dont have time for jehovah.............. bulls*** bulls*** bulls***..............

    regardless good luck

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