Oddly enough, recently I was thinking about PTSD. Since I am as my name implies "laying low" and yet not df'd or da'd, there is a great deal of stress in public a lot of the time. I have family in, and they're fine with where I've chosen to take my stand, unfortunately I can't tell anyone else (that is a JW). Therefore I fear running into them because it is so terribly awkward. The anxiety about running into someone and dealing with that awkwardness waxes and wanes. I wonder if that could screw somebody up. If I was out I would feel fine, but I'm just MIA. I then got to thinking about all the other ex-jw's and others in similar situations. My heart goes out to you.
Today I got diagnosed with PTSD... I thought only people that went to war
by cognac 24 Replies latest watchtower medical
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Lady Lee
well there ya go. Welcome to the club. You're in good company
Just take the remembering in pieces you can handle. Go at your own speed and no one else's.
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Layla33
I am so sorry to hear this, but I totally understand how it can affect someone that was in the JW religion. I don't think people outside of it can truly understand how emotionally tramautizing it can be to leave on so many levels.
Again, I remember the Armeggedon nightmares for a few years after I left, I interact with a few people that are out of the JW religion (not on here) and I have to tell you it is very obvious to see the mental and emotional anguish they still deal with, that's why I support places like this one.
You have to unlearn all the bad habits and relearn how to think, operate in the world, create a whole new outlook on life. It can be done, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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lovelylil
I have it too.
Mine is from the trauma of child abuse I had to endure at the hands of my drug addict father.
I felt the same way at the meetings when I was in the org. The last few months, I was having a lot of anxiety attacks and was on heavy medication. I had quite the ministry school to reduce some pressure and stopped going to the meetings on Thursday nights, but this one elder kept hounding me about it. I went to the PO and explained the situation and told him I could not take the stress at the time because I was too ill mentally and he agreed that I should not attend if I could not. He was actually very nice about it and told the other elder (the school conductor) to leave me alone.
Anyway, eventually I did not go to any meetings but used to time to study the real truth. I found that the stress of being a Witness while not believing in thier teachings was making my ptsd worse. Now that I am out, I am pretty much off daily medication but sometimes do have flashbacks and will need to be medicated for a while. It is something you have to live with all the rest of your life and you have to learn to reduce stress and not do things you do not want to. Glad you have support at home.
You will find a lot of ex-jws have this problem too. Hope all works out for you. Peace, Lilly
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journey-on
Wow, Cognac! On top of everything else going on in your life, NOW you have PTSD! .....LOL....beginning to sound like a soap opera: "As The
WorldLife of Cognac Turns".But, seriously, hope you work through everything. Keep us posted.....you only have "One Life to Live".
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chickpea
my Dx for chronic PTSD is linked to an event from my pre-school days that involved @bduction and m*lestation by a stranger who was illegally in the country and spoke no english... most of my life is conducted reasonably well, but the triggers of m*ld and m!ldewed smells initiate a cascade of responses that ultimately spawn fl@shbacks and a body memory of s*ffocation....there is a huge gap in my ability to recollect events and sequences of events relating to the trauma.....but some aspects are crystalline in sight, sound and smell.... i have issues, to say the least
a good therapist can impart coping skills and strategies that keep life and its ebb and flow on the saner side of the street... or so i have been led to believe ( when i asked my T if i was crazy, she assured me i was not..... when i asked how she could be so sure she said: the crazy ones never ask )
here is a page with the diagnostic criterion of PTSD
(DSM= Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders)
309.81 DSM-IV Criteria for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following have been present:
(1) the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others (2) the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Note: In children, this may be expressed instead by disorganized or agitated behavior.
B. The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
(1) recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions. Note: In young children, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the trauma are expressed.
(2) recurrent distressing dreams of the event. Note: In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.
(3) acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur upon awakening or when intoxicated). Note: In young children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur.(4) intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
(5) physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
(1) efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
(2) efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
(3) inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
(4) markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
(5) feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
(6) restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
(7) sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)
D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:
(1) difficulty falling or staying asleep
(2) irritability or outbursts of anger
(3) difficulty concentrating
(4) hypervigilance
(5) exaggerated startle responseE. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than one month.
F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Specify if:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms is 3 months or moreSpecify if:
With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor -
WTWizard
There are plenty of trauma experiences that witlesses experience on a regular basis, and they do not have to be the huge things like wars and terror attacks.
Some are the embarrassment of going out in field circus and meeting neighbors and friends, not being allowed to participate in normal activities in regular life, being punished for wanting normal things, and being coerced to go to boasting sessions and out in field circus when you don't want to. Sometimes physical abuse is a factor, and then there is the "Just wait until we get home" that is traumatic. And the ever present threat of getting destroyed can be as real as being in a war.
You might not think of it as particularly traumatic to be a witless. But what happens if every single Saturday morning, you have to go out in field circus and there is a brick wall to try to get out of it? And, if your parents are especially strict, you could easily come home from school (or field circus) and find your room ransacked regularly for things like records, toys, or notes that might be anti-witless. How often your parents read your diary (yes, I have heard of it being done at a$$emblies, in a positive light) to find clues that you are not progressing "enough" and need more punishments and theocraptic work?
School is also trouble for most born-in witlesses. They cannot play with other children at recess, celebrate anything, do anything after school, salute the flag, or join any clubs or teams. This results in getting teased, and sometimes physically beaten. Some teachers will punish students for not saluting the flag. And, if you wanted to do a holiday, you are sure to hear about it at home or from Brother Hounder at the next boasting session. And, there is always the test you flunk because of staying up way past your bedtime the Thursday evening before for the boasting session or the term paper you didn't get in on time because you were out in field circus and those boasting sessions that stopped you from doing them. Lately, they have pushed after school field circus. I wonder if anyone finds time to do homework.
All in all, it's a wonder if you were born in, and did not get post-traumatic stress disorder. And it will persist, even now that you are out. You are no longer subject to the rules, but the punishments, tauntings, lost opportunities, and deprivations have all left their mark. And, like the ex-soldier who is still suffering despite no longer being at war, you are suffering because of past abuse or that threat of getting destroyed if you have desires to be a normal human being. Hopefully it will ease, but it never really does go away totally.
Shame and reproach on you, Ted Jaracz! You ought to pay for the medication and therapy, both with out-of-pocket money and with all the side effects from the medication!
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quietlyleaving
I didn't grow up a witness but am sitting thinking about the effects growing up a witness must have had. It is bad enough to have to cope as an adult.
I'm glad you got a diagnosis and have your doctor involved.
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The Doc 58
I have been diagnosed with PTSD as well. I recommend therapy and medication. They have both helped me. Also, I left all of the unhealthy relationships in my life, such as my parents, my exwife, and other jws. I know doing something like that takes a lot of time and planning, but you should start by establishing some non jw friends and possibly relatives. You'll need the support, but you also need to get healthy and leaving the jws is what will do it.
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Hortensia
actually the diagnosis is a good thing. You've had the damage for years, the anxiety, the stress, the guilt, and more. Now you know what it's called, and you can do something about it. I have PTSD, but not forever! I'm taking the meds and moving forward in life. The advice to dump toxic relationships is a good one - the WTBTS is about as toxic a relationship as you can have. I thought my PTSD related to my experiences last year, but my doctor says I exhibit the symptoms of someone who has been under terrible stress for many years. We all know why - growing up JW. My doctor also says it doesn't last forever; you can get beyond it. So, don't despair - work on getting beyond it. If that means abandoning the WTBTS, well, go ahead. The sooner the better. I'm so glad your husband is understanding.