To speak in a more personal way then, I do not 'feel' that at the time of my involvement with the jw's that my living soul was
not satisfied. If this had not been the case it would not have involved decades of association. "To thy own self be true" I've always
believed this expression to be true. As disatisfaction begins there is bound to be fudging back and forth, no one can just jump in
and then jump out instantly, unless they were in it for somewhat selfish reasons. (Imo) (seeking marriage mate, wills, paradise hope)
The exception to this would be born ins. I felt life was reasonably good but the bottom line I 'feel' was I serving god in truth?
I may have "felt" a victim to some extent near the end of my stay, but who is there to blame anyway? I "feel" very few men in the WT
could be considered of pure evil intent. I personally "feel" that all my life was valued experience. The only way I can lose is to retreat
into a shell and not learn from my past experiences. People because of a warm fuzzy feeling thought it was "the truth", now they
must reason their way out. But I do not have a heart of stone , "you must learn to live and love once again." I "feel' and believe that
life and happiness is about getting up one more time than you get knocked down!
So yes I feel my life way an adventure laced here and there with betrayal. But even at some brief points in my life where I "felt" betrayed,
I feel it is unwise to jump back into a deep and dark well of thoughts from which I have escaped. I choose not to be a prisoner of the past.
If I had not lived by my "present truth"understanding I would have knowingly been living a lie and not what I felt was the truth.
we must face the pain and sorrow of our betrayal and disappointment, and discover the movement of heart that opens to forgive in spite of it all. Each of us will find our hearts closed or feel ourselves hostage to the past at times during our journey.
A successful spiritual journey always requires forgiveness--for others, for ourselves, for life itself.
Without the wise heart of forgiveness we carry the burdens of the past our whole life.
(How the Heart Grows Wise on the Spiritual Path by Jack Kornfield)
I also "feel" that my life has been a relatively smooth ride compared to many and therefore do not wish to offer any judgements against
anyone. I realize that many have suffered in ways beyond my imagination and to these ones I merely offer hope that their spiritual
journey is successful.
Caliber