Drinks with my father last night...

by bluesbreaker59 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • BFD

    Wow, that's really happy. Maybe he's having doubts dropping hints.

    Good for you.


  • dinah

    Thanks for sharing that, Blues.

    Do you think maybe your Dad is starting to see through some of it? There are many parents who would just suffer and let their heart break before they would reach out to a df'd kid.

    My mother is still in, still speaks to me. I've been df'd for 22 years. She is a wonderful grand-mother to my two children. She's never tried to make them dubs. She does try and teach them things, but I am right here to gently refute. It has worked out well for me. Of course, my Dad has never been a witness so there was no pressure about breaking up a marriage or anything.

    I'll keep you in my prayers. Hopefully everything will work out.

  • Hortensia

    wow, if only your father knew how many people are praying for him to keep his relationship with you alive! We don't know him, but he sounds loving, and blessedly normal, and I think everyone here wants it all to work out well for both of you.

  • bonnzo


    my dad and yours had to be brothers! im still in, but was df'd 2 times and my dad let me move back home the first time(he was deleted), and let me stay home the second time until i got a job(i was fired one week after my df'ing and he was deleted again). we still hung out for drinks some while i was out. he died 10 years ago, a faithful elder(again) and p.o., and not only do i miss him but i will always respect him, even if i don't agree with everything he taught me.

    by the way, i'm in a band now too. we play classic rock covers. what do you play? pm me

  • desbah


    I found your post interesting where you prayed about meetin your father.

    I was nervous all day, and had been praying about it. When I got there a strange calm came over me, like nothing was wrong at all.

    I'm glad you have a good relationship with your father and he must love you a lot. Please continue to keep in contact with your father because life is precious and too short to let religion come between you and him.

  • sass_my_frass

    Wow, that is a big deal. I was worried until I read the last para about you not wanting any kids to have ANY JW influences. You will have to make sure that you prioritise the wellbeing of your kids way above that of your father. Set the rules as you say; no kids without you also. Meals: with you. Outings: with you. No exceptions. You'd be a family, and he can't pretend that you don't exist just because he wants to be a grandad. He had to be a dad first.

    The complex balancing game of parenthood though will need you to watch for this; kids are attracted to what is forbidden, and if it's also what their beloved grandfather loves, they'll be very confused.

  • Hope4Others

    Dad sounds like he really cares, in his own way he is trying to say he wants to be part of your

    life. Parents get a little mushy like that as their kids go on to have their own life.


  • bluesbreaker59

    To answer the earlier question about my stepmom, well... She was never really nice to me growing up, it caused a lot of fights between her and my dad, because she would start yelling at me or getting on me for nothing, then my dad would here it and put her in her place, really quick. The last time she ever jumped my case when I was 18, she started in, and I decided that I'd had enough. So this time instead of standing there and taking her yelling and berating, I yelled at her, "Shut up, I'm tired of hearing you run your fat mouth. You're not my mother, you never have been, and you never will be!!!! Now do you have anything else to say???" She ran away in tears and never talked like that to me again. Everything I ever did was wrong in her eyes, going to college, going out for academic clubs, being involved in local community groups, etc. She also was always riding me about doing better out in service. Dad on the other hand, saw my gifts; public speaking, influencing others, sharp analytical / logical thinker, and he NURTURED those, by letting me do whatever groups I wanted in high school, and telling me to go to college, because he knew I didn't want to do manual labor or be a janitor. I started college in 2000 when the WTS was "soft" on education, by the time I was done, they were starting to stiffen again. Dad also encouraged me when I bought my first guitar, and was really impressed when I bought my first Les Paul, he's always been really proud of my musical accomplishments. I remember how he cried when I told him I was getting married to my (now ex) wife, he knew that it wouldn't work and he begged me not to. I didn't listen, and 5 years of unhappiness later, I got a divorce when she was cheating on me.

    So basically I don't care about having a relationship with her. I respect her as my dad's wife, and I try not to cause them any issues. We get along better now that I'm an adult, and she knows not to cross me. Her family are a bunch of "holier than thou" Dubs, so I don't care for them either. They are the type that will shut off a PG-13 movie!!!!

    My dad only had one more sister (older), and she is about half crazy, from dealing with my cousin and her husband works all the time. He put her through the ringer, being a drug addict, alcoholic, trouble with the law, in and out of jail, and just generally hating being raised a witness. He's now totally clean and has a great life with his fiancee. Then there is my dad's mom, my grandma, and well she is probably the most self-righteous Dub ever, total "company woman". She's been in for over 40 years, and frankly I think when she dies, I think dad and his little sister will quit going. Grandma ALWAYS was brow-beating us with scriptures, telling about service or other kinds of BS nonsense. She was best friends with an annointed couple that spoke about 10 different languages, so therefore she was "always" right, that's also who studied with her. I remember expressing some questions about the 1995 / 1996 change in doctrine, and she came down on my cousin and I like a ton of bricks. She told us, "You boys are just like that governing body member back in the early 80's that thought he knew more than Jehovah too. Ray Franz, he was a trouble maker, thinkin he knew more than Jehovah; well Jehovah showed him" Grandma also like to beat my cousin and I at the bookstudy, because she'd take us because our parents were working. She would take us behind this "curtain" they had setup at this old lady's house and just tan our hides, she'd whip us and we'd be screaming bloody murder, meanwhile they were all out there studying.

    How I LOATHED her, but she's in her mid 70's now, so its not much longer. She had some good traits too, but for the most part, she was pretty much just a loyal Dub.

    Bonnzo, I play primarily blues, lots of slide guitar too, some rootsy stuff, and I love swaggering, ballsy bluesy rock, like the Black Crowes, The Rollings Stones, The Faces, Allman Bros., early 70's ZZ Top etc.

  • Gayle

    I am so impressed with your experience w/your dad. The love & respect you have for each other gave me a tear of joy. I am so impressed that he would never 'disfellowship' you and he is showing 'unconditional love' as a father should. That he encouraged college and programs or classes and acknowledged your valuable talents was amazing. Possibly he is going thru a personal "crises of conscience." So many best wishes to you both.

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