How did you build a new life outside of the JWs?

by Sirona 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Sirona
    Sirona

    "If you leave Jehovah's Organisation, where will you go?"

    No doubt many of us have been asked that question.

    So where did you "go" when you left the JWs?

    I think it would be helpful to newbies and others of us to know the answers to the following questions:

    1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?

    2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?

    3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?

    4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?

    Thanks. Despite being out for near enough 8 years, I think that I could still benefit personally from the answers people give.

    Sirona

  • alamb
    alamb

    1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?

    Stand back and see what's left. There may be non-JW family you have yet to meet and fill the hole if your family shuns you. Enlist friends. Find out who you really are and what your interests are. This is really hard if you were raised a JW and never knew in the first place. Read, Read, Read.......and stop judging ANYONE. Leave that behind. The world is a beautiful place.

    2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?

    I have made new friends and looked up old friends. I leave the door open and I'm a better friend now that I don't have the agenda of trying to convert them.

    3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?

    I know now that I was NOT spiritual as a JW...I had fear of men. I explored all religion and explored life without. Then I made an informed choice...not a blackmailed one. I found spirituality almost the exact oposite of religion.

    4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?

    Enjoy the freedom you now have. Don't waste a minute. "Get busy living"

  • momzcrazy
    momzcrazy

    So Sirona, do you have a baby belly yet?

    I made a new life with my neighbors first of all. Then they introduced me to more people, and so on.

    One thing I learned is this, We aren't promised forever anymore. We have the here and now. So to second alamb, Get out and enjoy life!

    momz

  • oompa
    oompa

    For Sirona:

    1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?---I have not yet.

    2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?----Not yet, but I have one sister not in the org, and am getting to know her again, and my son 22 is df's so have him and a few of his friend, and I have been adopted by a large family of apostates. I think this may help me transition to neverbeendubs.

    3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?----Not really, just like nature and my incredible cat.

    4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?----Probably ask questions like yours here on JWD!!!......................oompa

  • monophonic
    monophonic

    fortunately i had friends in the music scene and i've built friends in the other arts scenes that interest me.

    oh, b/c i went to them thar bad concerts by sneaking to them.....thank god for petit rebellion from a teenager.

    this will sound very tony robbins, but we all have a purpose, something that will drive us from our core and that we will stop at nothing to continue to attain....for some people it's music....others it's playing poker, whatever. finding out what a person is passionate about, then working towards getting involved, even if it's being a volunteer photographer's assistant to be engaged with what you love....

    the whole social structure of the jws is 'we all love jehovah', unfortunately they don't know on a cognitive level that it's, 'we will comply with teh wtbts no matter what', but it's still a social structure of other humans with similar interests....something they're passionate about, or faking being passionate about.

    we're fortunate to be able to explore what drives us. what will you continue doing even if you were 95 and it hurt like hell to get up every morning to do it, but you couldn't not do it.

    and here's where i quote a passage from Baudelaire that means a lot to me:

    One should always be drunk. That's all that matters
    that's our one imperative need. So as not to feel Time's
    horrible burden one which breaks your shoulders and bows

    you down, you must get drunk without cease.

    But with what?
    With wine, poetry, or virtue
    as you choose.
    But get drunk.

    And if, at some time, on steps of a palace,
    in the green grass of a ditch,
    in the bleak solitude of your room,
    you are waking and the drunkenness has already abated,
    ask the wind, the wave, the stars, the clock,
    all that which flees,
    all that which groans,
    all that which rolls,
    all that which sings,
    all that which speaks,
    ask them, what time it is;
    and the wind, the wave, the stars, the birds, and the clock,
    they will all reply:

    "It is time to get drunk!

    So that you may not be the martyred slaves of Time,
    get drunk, get drunk,
    and never pause for rest!
    With wine, poetry, or virtue,
    as you choose!"


    it's translated from french and some have intepreted it as 'get high', but the gist is still there.

  • esw1966
    esw1966

    1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?

    I met a woman online who became my wife. She helped me see what I was involved in without being pushy. I met people at work, at church, and now at Tech School. Life is building!

    2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?

    I found a good friend at work. I have people I like at church and at school. I am in a new state and am very busy, so I don't have as close of friends as I would like. I think it would be good to be more active and do things with people. I really have just been re-building my life and so friends havn't hit that hi on the list yet.

    3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?

    I'm born again now. I love it! I go to 2 non-denominational churches a week and love the band! It holds NOTHING to the hall! Even my jw daughters liked it! It is real and sincere. No judgments. It's all about praising God! Nothing feels better than praising a God who is great and loves you and doesn't hold things against you and is in the process of healing you! It's awesome!

    4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?

    Leaving the state was a great thing for me. I'm planning on going back next year to live so that I can be there for my daughters. But otherwise, I think it is best to just leave them in the past and get on with my life. Get involved in life. Don't dwell on what happened to you, but what you can do for others. Do the things you enjoy in life! Stay out of trouble. Do things that bring you joy! Create a wonderful life for yourself. Whenever I start to think of how I can help them or how I can defeat them Biblically, I get swallowed in a dark hole. I can prove they are wrong, but it doesn't help or change anything.

  • R.Crusoe
    R.Crusoe

    I got in a relationship with someone who held lots of 'truths' she knew I wouldn't see her for who she is!

    I ordered items online that looked good in the pics and and what I needed but in reality were how they looked but miniature and unuseable - but understated in the ad!

    I got things with promises of what is to follow and it never turned up!

    I ordered things off genuine people but the person delivering it stopped it reaching me!

    I had people pretend to be friends just to make money out of a situation!

    I had people pretend they liked me just to get some kicks!

    I honestly doubt the humanity of humans!

    When I die I would not, given a choice, ever wish for life! It is worse than to exist!

    Those loving life can keep it! Those who thrive on others misfortune are what they laugh at! They are the blood of others suffering!

    It's why I fail to find souls whom I relate to - I cannot be who they are! I would rather not exist!

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Haven't done it yet, but just wanted to say, great topic Sirona!

    Lots of good ideas so far.

    Marking this for later.

    Thanks again.

    OM

  • maxwell
    maxwell

    1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion?

    Since leaving the JW, I've joined two cycling groups. One of those cycling groups was on meetup.com. I have joined a few other groups on meetup.com including a jazz music, classical music, nature/hiking group and of course the ex-jw meetup group. I also joined meetindc.org although I haven't gone to many events with that group. And I actually placed an ad on craigslist looking for friends, strictly platonic, seriously. I met one cool guy that way. We still hang out occasionally. It sounds as if my social life totally revolves around the Internet. Well I did join a community band also. Anyway, I think the basic principle is to figure out what your interests are and then find a group of people with the same interest. If it's church, go to church. If it is drinking in bars, then go to bars. Church and bars aren't my interest (though I may go to a bar occasionally with established friends/acquaintances) but some people like it.

    2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends?

    I've made one good friend. I wouldn't call him my best friend or BFF. I have other friends and acquaintances that I know on varying levels. Presently I feel like I'm on the verge of making myself a little more open and getting to know some other friends better. I met some while cycling and some at meetups.

    3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion?

    I think I lack any spirituality now. I'm fairly comfortable with that. Spirituality to me often seems to be some useless intangible thing. I think some tests have labeled me a humanist. But if I ever go somewhere for spirituality, I may be drawn to do some meditation at a Bhuddist temple. I do find value in meditation.

    4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life?

    I'll restate what I said above. I think the basic principle is to figure out what your interests are and then find a group of people with the same interest.

    Also wanted to state, I've only been out for 6 years and I'm definitely still working at it as well, so I'll be reading the other responses to this thread with interest.

  • gypsygraver
    gypsygraver

    1. How did you build up a new social structure after leaving the JW religion? Myspace was actually incredibly helpful. I was able to find old school mates and some wonderful fellow ex-jw's who really helped open my eyes... I too looked to my non-witness family for support and found quite a surplus of it:) 2. Have you made fulfilling friendships and where did you find those friends? Oh yes, old friends I had abondoned welcomed me back with open arms, myspace, friends of friends, partying in Denver and just being social... 3. Do you have a spirituality now and if so, how do you compare it with the JW religion? Yes, but it is my own brand. I now can only classify myself as an agnostic/humanist/hedonist who believes in karma. My beliefs are a far cry from anything religious, lol. 4. What is the best advice you can think of to give to someone who has recently left the JWs - in terms of how to rebuild their life? Don't lose hope. Life will only get better and better. Please research everything in regards to your former faith before deciding whether or not to return to it. Try new things, do all the things you wanted to do before but couldn't, take some yoga classes, enroll in some college classes. Party it up, but don't lose your head and please stay safe. Try and keep an open-mind on things and listen to the views of others without judgement. The world is not all bad as you were taught to beleive. Just have some fun! Go out dancing, attend some concerts,find what makes you tick and find out who you truly are. DON'T GET SUCKED BACK INTO THE CULT OR ANY OTHER FOR THAT MATTER. Research, Research, RESEARCH!

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